Ok- I need a kick up the arse- I don't feel like I'm destined to find love.

[poshsinglemum]

I'm very unlucky in love as some of you might know from previous threads.
I just don't feel like men like me very much and in return I find men quite callous.

I read The Rules once and in order to be the kind of women that men seem to like I'd have to be really fake.

I want intimacy but how can I achieve it with men who don't seem to want to even talk most of the time. I don't understand grunting!

I will carry on dating but how much rejection do I have to deal with? My sister is getting married next year to her second, doting boyfriend whereas I'm a single mum with no man in sight.

I'm fed up of being treated like crap so please can you all kick me up the arse and offer some words of encouragement etc.

And before you say I have to be happy without a man, well I've been happy without me for 10 years but i'm fed up of doing it alone. I want to be happy with a man.

10 years ago I phoned up a Clairvoyant about a bad break up and she told em I was cursed when it came to love. I know it sounds bollocks but I'm started to think that she's right. (bends over for kick)

Stop looking outside and start valuing yourself. Until you love, respect and value yourself, it's hard to accept that someone you respect can love you. From previous threads of yours I get the impression that you have pretty low self-esteem, further affected by crappy ex-relationships. You need to get to know yourself in a positive light.

A clairvoyant knows precisely fuck all about you and your future. Your sister's life and relationship have no bearing on yours and what your future may hold. And don't get me started on books - you're a human being, there is no manual for you.

Only you can make yourself understand that you are worth more. So get to it! :)

Awww come on posh chin up~! I'll email you within the next couple of days with something that might help. You WILL find someone and it will be all the better. I know exactly how you feel but don't stop believing and don't lower your standards.

aw you come across and nice

as nice

Why don't you try dating the opposite to what you normally go for? If you like tall and dark go for short and fair. If you like business men then go for a manual labour type. You see where I'm going...

You should never change who you are for any man. If it doesn't work then change the man.

I always liked tall, dark and handsome. I met my DH online 7 years ago. He is short, blonde and erm ok looking???

Thanks beingset up. That would cheer me up immensly.

I do like myself . I've achieved wonderful things without a man such as working in the Himalayas and doing research in the rainforest. I ahve even had a child alone . as soon as a man gets involved my life goes tits up. I seem to like myself MORE when I'm happy being alone.

Posh, You sound like me about 5 years ago, I was divorced with 2 DC.

My whole life had been one bad relationship after another.

My first serious boyfriend when I was 16 punched me in the face, I then married very young to a man who was very emtionally and mentally abusive to me.

I finally got out of the marriage 8 years ago and spent the next 4 years in and out of relationshipds each guy turning out to be as bigger wanker as the last.

I really truely thought I would spend the rest of my life alone.

Then 4 years ago I met my now DH and he is amazing, the most wonderful, caring, loving man you could meet. For the first year or so I kept waiting for him to show his true colours and turn out to be a wanker like the rest of them but it actually turns out that he's a good un!

Sorry for the rant but I just want you to know that there are some good men out there. And dating all the wankers has made me appreciate DH even more.

Hi posh
I always enjoy your posts. You sound young and pretty and optimistic and keep getting blindsided by shitty men. That is just bad luck and not because you are anything other than lovely.
My tip for finding straightforward solvent men, mainly engineer types who can fix things and dont do emotional games, is to join a sailing club. Do you live near any lakes, reservoirs or sea side resorts? All the men I have ever valued have been keen on boats

Awww thanks you all. I feel all warm and cozy inside now!

I like boats. I could love a man with his own boat but alas; I live inland. I did live on the Isle of Man at one point where everyone was into sailing but that was before I got knocked up!

I read somewhere that to find the best you have to try the rest...

No no there are plenty of sailimg clubs inland. Which reservoir does your drinking water come from?

Oh, I so knew this would be you! Just stop bloody mithering yourself woman and get on with your life. What's for you won't go by you.

Lol@ "I don't understand grunting". Well at least you have a sense of humour about the whole situaton. Unfortunately, I don't have much in the way of a solution but I will tell you this, (as someone who is a practising occultist) whatever that Clairvoyant said is immaterial because you have free will i.e you can change the present/future.

Case in point;I am sure you have heard of patients who were told by their Dr they had a terminal illness and only had x seconds/days/months to live only to go on to live for years? It is all down to your frame of mind.

So remember "What I think I feel, what I feel I vibrate, what I vibrate I attract"

Look for a film called "Quantum Communication" further info.

Good luck!

Hmmm
Actually the doctor could just have been wrong Surrey. They often are.
I like the think:feel:vibrate:attract concept though. It gives you back the power.

@whenallelsefailsmaketea

You are very right, and nothing infuriates me more than people who take their word without question.

Ps - I like your username. My Grandmother swears by a cup of tea and a cuddle when things are looking grim

Ps - PoshSMum,

I thought I would add a simple exercise that I read in a book. The author is a life coach (or somesuch) and she swore that a method which worked for all her girlfriends (much older than you I would imagine) that just could not find suitable men.

So she said that all you need to do is write a list of the qualities of the man you desire. Be as specific as you can. She said that all her girlfriends are now happily married.

Now, I am quite the skeptic and my rule of thumb is that unless I try it and it works for me, I tend to be dismissive of such new age methods. So I did. I wrote the list and every day for a few minutes, I would look at it and visualise said man.

Did it work I hear you ask? Did it ever!!! Along came man and he was everything I asked for. Right down to the green eyes and huge penispersonality. I actually told him that I ordered him and he found it quite amusing.

I have read widely on relationships, how men and women attract each other and its fascinating to find out that something as seemingly trivial as being on the Pill can throw off your chemical balance which in turn attracts the 'wrong' type of men (there's a scientific article on this floating about on the net). So keep reading (but not books like The Rules; wasn't one of the authors going through a divorce a few years ago? )and I am sure you'll be able to make subtle changes that will attract the right man.

SA

I want to defend the Rules! I had this book recommended to me by a very sensible friend. It worked for her and it worked for me. You don't have to be too literal. This is what I took from it:

1. Don't be too available. Don't call them, don't text. I followed the Saturday night rule and it worked. Let the man chase you, they like that. Don't start mothering him/suggesting how he runs his life.

1. Be hard to get, easy to be with. Even if I didn't like the food or venue, I just got on with it.

1. Keep it Light to start with. You don't have to change your personality. But loads of women just get too intense, too soon IMO. I did that. I just learnt to tone it down.

I got married again and I tell my DH everything and I'm not fake. The book just tells you not to be too heavy at the start.

Interesting SurreyAmazon - I got my friend to do that when she was mithering over her totally-not-nice ex, and she now has a lovely man (haven't checked his schlong personally however) :o

OP - how have you been meeting these blokes, mostly? Did you pick them, or did they pick you? Do you think you are attracted to the wrong'uns, or you just say yes when someone asks you out.

My tip is to raise your expectations (kind of similar to the list idea). You see gorgeous and lovely girls going out with total ape-heads, and you know it's because that's all she thinks she deserves. Have a think about what you really want and then don't settle for anything less. Not if youe requirements include private jet or whatever, but things like must have job, must smile during coversations, good teeth :o etc.

If you're going out with crap blokes they are taking the space where the nice ones should be.

Best of luck as lonely times can deeply suck I know x

The Complete Idiot's guide to healthy relationships is worth a look

The other thing that I found really helped was not getting focused on one man too quickly. I would meet up with - had a drink with etc, not slept with - several men. Obviously not all at the same time, I didn't phrase that very well... It just helps to take the pressure off.

msboogie- would you honestly give your advice to the other women on this board who have relationship issues? I guess not. You are saving your venom for me. I expect you have an amazing love life. Well good for you.
Don't expect any sympathy if you ever feel in despair. As you are so ''get on with it'' about things I guess you don't.
Spiteful cow.

Sorry- mabe the last insult was too much but I have genuine problems relating to men and the last thing I need is abrasive women bringing me down even further. Not very classy. If you don't like my style keep off my thread. I wouldn't dream of going on your threads to tell you how crap you are unless you do it to me.

Men are overrated frankly. Find female friends, enjoy your life and make it a rich tapestry of experiences. Then the right man will come along.

And no-one can make you feel anything, shit happens - you just pick your reaction to it. :)

Wrest back control over your own future and just make your life what you want it to be. Stop looking for men and look at your own life and make it bigger. I promise the problem is not the absence of a man, but having the time and space to worry about the absence of a man. And funnily enough when you are busy enough not to care, good men appear.

PSM

I would ask what you learnt from your parents about relationships (you don't of course have to answer that but if they taught you damaging lessons you may be acting these out even now albeit subconsciously).

Some more questions for you to consider:-

Was your father for instance emotionally unavailable?.

Do you want to rescue and or save the men you date from themselves?.

OP - I have no advise for you however in your title you ask for a kick up the arse and then take offense when given one.....