I just want to scream !

[Springchicken]

I was off sick from work yesterday, not really sick just absolutely exhausted. Today feel pretty knackered so have decided to work from home so i can slob in my PJ's.
Anyway, DP didn't get up for work in time for his lift so i told him he could take the car as i was working from home but he would need to take DD to nursery or else i wouldn't get any work done. He then decided he couldn't go to work because he would look like a pratt for oversleeping (WTF ?), so he said he would have DD this morning so I could work.

He popped up to his brothers at about 9ish for an hour or so, has now come back, DD is asleep and he sneakily drops into conversation that his DB wondered if he fancied a game of tennis. I replied "oh well, nevermind". He then asked me to explain why I said that, explained he couldn't possibly look after DD and play tennis so he obviously couldn't go.
He went off on one, telling me i was the most selfish person he has ever met, I never let him do anything, in amongst several F off's, it's alright for me to have 2 days off for no reason (working from home today, so how it's a day off i don't know?).
I am so angry, I can't even look at him. . He could've gone into work today, i told him to take the car. He is self employeed so gets no paid holiday or sick leave, whereas I get both. We are going on holiday on Thursday so are struggling to cover all the bills whilst we are away. He wants the day off before we go "to chill out". And then the day off when we get back "can;t possibly go in the day after getting back from hols".

Sorry about the rant but he is so fecking clueless it is unbelievable, he just doesn't get why I don't think he should go and play a stupid game of tennis and doesn;t get that we need to make yet another huge mortgage payment the day after we get back from holiday

Sounds like an idle irresponsible teenager to me.

Am furious for you.

He then told me was going to play tennis at 12.30 because I would've collected DD by then anyway ! Why doesn't he get my point?

Oh please tell me that i am not being ridiculous.

Thing is what to do now. TBH, I don't even want to look at him but equally don't want him to think he has won, or I have given in.
Grrrrrrrrrr

I would be absolutely furious!
have no idea what you can do...but what a child he is!

Sorry SC, no useful advice to give, just thought I'd have a moan of my own.
Nanny on holiday for two days. Asked bf if he'd look after our DD for part of the two days, so I could at least show my face in the office. He said yes.
This morning he asked when I wanted to go to work, and said that he'd stay awake if I needed to go. But I know that he's been up for the last 40 hours (for no good reason) and drinking steadily for most of that time. So fat chance I'm going to leave baby with him.
As we speak I'm trying to work from home (and check MN!), while he snores on the sofa in a sleep I'm pretty sure will last all day.
Who knows whether I'll make it to the office tomorrow or not.
I can't help, SC, but I can really sympathise.

Well surprise surprise, he has just left for tennis . He would've gone regardless but i told him to go in the end because i couldn't even look at him.
He said sorry and he doesn't want us to argue but when I asked what he said sorry for, he didn't even know. Said he ws sorry for annoying me and making me angry but he didn't know what it was that made me angry and annoyed.

Ha! Blokes hate it when you have a day off - they feel like they are missing out. But then when the realise what the day holds for them they panic and end up doing something like tennis in your case and mine magics up DIY jobs that means he cant possibly look after DD. In fact when ive had to have him come home to look after DD because ive been ill he has ended up doing one of his impossible DIY jobs and then wonders why i get narked . I totally sympathise!

I totally sympathise with you!! I have not had the same situation as you as dd is only 16 weeks..oh hang on yes I have.!
Booked in for a nails appointment as this is my time (every 2 weeks for 1/2 hour/s) as i'm a sahm. Anyay on this sat in particular dh tells me that he is popping into town to get a new tv, fine I don't have a problem with it....dh says he will be back well before my nails appointment & will give me enough time to get there.
DH then rings me 15 mins befor I am due to go to tell me that he has bought the TV but it won't fit in the car so he needs his dad to help him to collect it, he tells me he's going now & that I need to take dd with me to get my nails done! LOL I didn't even have time to prepare her a bottle....It gets worse..... I end up stuck in traffic due to a v bad accident on the motorway, I'm late for my nails by over an hour which is fine but then I realise that dd is due a feed in 1 hrs time..it takes me over this time to have my nails done & to get home...lets just say dh was in the dog house that night!

DH is usually brilliant & helps where he can but I agree that he doesn't think sometimes....Makes me laugh when he is ok to finish work early for "a night out with the lads" but can't finish early for a "meal out with the wife" or "to join us 2 a spot of shopping". BTW dh is also self emp.

That's what gets me so much Shhhh, he just has no sense of priority what so ever.

Before he left he even asked if I would be ready to go out when he got back a he wanted us to do something as a family! What he means is, he feels he should but only after he has done exactly what he wants, with whomever he wants and then DD and I should be ready and waiting when he decides to come home.

So when exactly is that going to be then dearest?

cant help you sc sorry, i cant even sympathise cuz my dp wouldnt be such a git cause i would kick his sorry ass!
anyway just thought i would say to shhhh that in the case with the nails n tv thing i would have asked him to take dd with him anyway, seriously there is no reason he could not have taken dd to buy a tv n then you could have had longer to yourself and got to ur nail appt in plenty of time, why is it if we have something planned the men have to get back just in time to have the kids, why not have them for the day.......

some men really annoy me! my dp isnt my dd's bio dad (though he is the best dad ever)but he takes dd everywhere if he can so i can have a rest

none of the above behavours by men is unacceptable, we put up because we want to keep the relationship/marriage for love or other reasons.

I have put up with similar attitudes in all my 'serious' relationships/marriage (three)and now looking back and reading this, I think, I ma better off by myself financially and practically. It can be quite lonely at times but better lonley than that.

keli22, in support of dh he couldn't have taken dd as he needed the space in the back, the passengers seat was taken by his dad...BUT i have asked him what he would have done if it was the other way around and he had to take dd to the footie match , what happened if I wasn't back in time from nails & he had to take her along..mmmm...that got him thinking !

98% of the time he is brilliant but the other 2% I could kick his a**$ !

lol good way to get him to look at it from your pov, some men ey!

ARRRHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

This just gets better and better.
DP got in today from work with this cock and bull story abotu not having enough work for the 3 days next week before we go on holiday on Thursday and would only be able to workl on Monday and Tuesday. what he forgot is that he told me earlier that his foreman was going to find him some work for the 3 days and not worry about it.
When i stopped him mid lie and told him he was a liar and informed him ont he details he had already told me earlier, he still carried on and tried to get around it. He stopped eventually when he realised he had totally tripped himself up.

He cannot understand why I am so pissed about it. He has now tried to turn it round on me about when I have supposedly lied to him in the past (i don't doubt I have) but when asked for examples he can't give them. He has told me I am a fucking child, a fat c*nt, a slag. I onyl work in the mornings then have all afternoons to do what I want (WTF!), with a 1 year old utty DD in tow!
Aparently he has forgiven me in an instant for something terrible I have done, wont tell me what it is but says because of that I should accept his apology for lying to me today.

I am so sick of having to carry all the financial burden on my back alone, it is incredible! I deal with all of our finances alone. .
We are going on holiday in a week for 12 days, I work part time and he is self employeed therefore he gets no holiday pay. He has not clue how hard this holiday is for us, it is costing us an absolute fortune in loss of earnings etc.
I am so angry I am not even crying, am just full of rage. WANKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Message withdrawn

What do i do.
I've told him that if he thinks that of me then he should do something a bit more productive about it i.e leave. He just says maybe he will.

He has since said sorry for the names, he only said it because he knew it would hurt me, he knew that calling me fat when i have been working so hard on a diet and at the gym would shatter my feelings. He only said it because he knew it would hurt me, is that supposed to be a good thing?

Thing is, I am at a loss as to how I get across to him just how ddisgusting his behaviuor is because he just doesn't get it. His words earlier were, why are you so hurt by words?

Because words are the means by which we express our thoughts.

I would just tell him that you can't afford to go on holiday and have cancelled it. Do you want to go with him anyway? Perhaps the time would be better spent at counselling? (sorry if that sounds patronising!)

Message withdrawn

Oh springchicken, feel so mad for you!!

Can't believe an 'adult' resorted to such nasty name calling in argument. A sure sign he is losing if he does that IMO.

The last time someone called me 'fat' in a fight was my 15 yr old brother and I nearly laughed it was so pathetic.

You shouldn't have to take that from your dp, especially when he is so clearly in the wrong. I don't know what I would do tbh but I am very unforgiving!

its not the words really its more about the complete lack of respect, i would def not include him the holiday but sounds like u need and deserve one, tell him while your away you expect him to decide what he wants and if his future includes you and if so then he needs to treat you a lot better and start making more effort finacially and maybe come to counselling to sort out his head, you shouldnt have to put up with that kind of behaviour, people that love each other dont talk to each other like that. think about it, why do we get together with one special person? because we love them, we love sharing our homes and lives with them, we enjoy doing those things with the person that we chose, its meant to be a pleasant thing to do. (ok we all have our rows but its how you work them out and over come them and get a positive result that counts - your arguement is over but your left feeling hurt, he hasnt tried hard enough imo)

i hope you work things out and i havent said anything i shouldnt have its just my opinion.