I just want to scream !

[Springchicken]

I was off sick from work yesterday, not really sick just absolutely exhausted. Today feel pretty knackered so have decided to work from home so i can slob in my PJ's.
Anyway, DP didn't get up for work in time for his lift so i told him he could take the car as i was working from home but he would need to take DD to nursery or else i wouldn't get any work done. He then decided he couldn't go to work because he would look like a pratt for oversleeping (WTF ?), so he said he would have DD this morning so I could work.

He popped up to his brothers at about 9ish for an hour or so, has now come back, DD is asleep and he sneakily drops into conversation that his DB wondered if he fancied a game of tennis. I replied "oh well, nevermind". He then asked me to explain why I said that, explained he couldn't possibly look after DD and play tennis so he obviously couldn't go.
He went off on one, telling me i was the most selfish person he has ever met, I never let him do anything, in amongst several F off's, it's alright for me to have 2 days off for no reason (working from home today, so how it's a day off i don't know?).
I am so angry, I can't even look at him. . He could've gone into work today, i told him to take the car. He is self employeed so gets no paid holiday or sick leave, whereas I get both. We are going on holiday on Thursday so are struggling to cover all the bills whilst we are away. He wants the day off before we go "to chill out". And then the day off when we get back "can;t possibly go in the day after getting back from hols".

Sorry about the rant but he is so fecking clueless it is unbelievable, he just doesn't get why I don't think he should go and play a stupid game of tennis and doesn;t get that we need to make yet another huge mortgage payment the day after we get back from holiday

I just know how i get through to him.
Your right beety, he has done this before. Don't get me wrong he doesn't do it every time we bicker about something but it usually decends into name calling when we have a big arguement. I'm not totally innocent in that department as I sometimes resort to screaming "PRICK" at him when he just wont listen.
Going on holiday without him isn't an option, there is no way he would let me take DD on holiday for 12 days without him and equally I wouldn't want to, it was supposed to be a family break of rest, relaxation and family time.

He has gone off to work this morning as if there isn't a problem in the world. He has apologised profously (don't know if that's the right wording or not), keep kissing me, telling me loves me, tha I'm beautiful etc.
I'm not a very forgiving person, I could keep a barney about not taking the bin out for days on end. I can't just forgive and forget, whereas DP can and has done in the past.

We are supposed to be getting married in 9 months and I just can't get my head around the fact that 2 people that are supposed to love each other, care for each other and want each can resort to lying and name calling over something as pathetic as a day off.
I do love my DP, there is absolutely no doubt about that. There are times when I don't particulaly like him or the things he does but ultimately I love him.

Thing is, now i can talk to him about yesterday, make him understand how childish he was being, how nasty, hurtful, selfish etc and he will take it all on the chin, make all the right noises and make a huge effort for the next length of time but how do i stop it happening again?

God, preview woman.

I don't know how to get through to him

I think this calls for a grand gesture. Don't go on holiday without him, this would give him much desired batcheler time.

Cancel the holiday completely. If he won't cancel it, refuse point blank to go with him. he will be hard pushed to have a nice holiday completely on his own!

Men need a hint of about 4 times the strength of one a woman would need. This should make him understand that when you say you are too upset to be around him, you mean it.

And in my honest opinion, you shouldn't be marrying this childish man!

i say treat him like a child, reward the good behaviour and ignore the bad........ when hes hurtful just walk away and refuse to argue back with him, just very calmly say i am not arguing with you because i dont want to and go out for a bit, even just for a walk round the block.

try it and see if it works, i used to do this with my dp, not when he was nasty but when we first got together he used to talk about his ex alot (as if he mentioned anything about his past it included things he'd done with his ex - his 1st love) in the end i got quite annoyed by it and no matter how many times i told him i didnt want to hear him talk about her he still continued (without realising) so whenever he started on the subject i would get up and go and make a cup of tea or go and tidy the bathroom until he got the hint that i wasnt listening anymore, he did stop it - thank god!

He's not a child though. He is an adult with adult responsabilities.

I used to treat my dp like a child when he pissed me off, with the result that he now behaves like one, he never used to.

I would just treat him in exactly the same way as he has treated you. He won't like it, and when he challenges you on it, you can say that you thought it was ok to treat a partner like that, because that is how your partner treats you. IYSWIM

yeah think you might be right there, why do some men have to behave like complete $?&*'s. one day they will learn when we're happy they will be happy! its so simple.....

Can't give any advice and I am normally one to rave about how lovely mu dh is but Ido know exactly how you feel today!!

Me and dh just had a huge row and he is now walking the dog to cool off, meanwhile I'm stuck here with all 4 kids trying to act like mummy is ok and not upset

He has been at work all day and done the shopping so I cannot moan that he wants to sit down and relax but why is it that when I am putting shopping away and generally tidying up he can't even watch our 2 year old enough to stop her putting soap all over her dolly and playing with the toilet

And when I then tell the kids off he has a go at me for always whinging and shouting at the kids!!

Well yes but I wouldn't have to if he just kept an eye on them for 10 bloody minutes!!!!!

See no advice just feeling the same.

OOh Springchicken,, My dh did this yesterday! I am selfish because a) I would rather pay for DS1 to have tennis lessons than for him to go out six times this fortnight (no not drinking or anything like that- to his carnival club) B) coz I apparently don't 'allow' him to go in the shed all day (allow? How can I not allow a grown man to do anything?) C) oh lots of other stuff. Yeah yeah heard it all before, but still secretly fuming. He then looked me in the eye and swore that he wasn't about to do one of his stormed off- then stormed off! The utbursts I can do, part of his depression, but the lying is a whole new no-no. told him that too today, he knows it as well, wouldn't look me in the eye.

Men.