My date cancelled AGAIN! Am I overreacting?

[poshsinglemum]

I met a cute guy online. We had some lovely chats.
We arranged to meet up on Sunday but he cancelled because his ex wanted him to have his dd. Fair enough so I gave him another chance.

We rearranged a date for tonite. He texted me about and hour and a half before the date and cancelled again giving the same excuse. He reckons his ex knows when he's having a date and sabotages his plans by making him have his dd.

I responded by saying well put your foot down then. Don't let her control you etc, etc, etc.
He replied saying that he takes every chance he has to see his daughter. (He sees her two nights a week as it is.) I do understand his point of view but I still feel hurt and let down.I think he could have asked to have his dd tomorrow night instead. I just feel that he's a bit weak and that dosn't turn me on.

He wanted to arrange another date but I declined. I don't want to run after him but I feel I should have accepted. I've ruined things now anyway.

I guess even if it had worked out, i'd always be the wicked step mum getting in the way of evryone.

I feel so pissed off and confused.

Why is his ex a cow? because she is letting the dad of her DD look after her?

Kids come first! before any woman he has met on the internet.

Crazy.

Well, the way I see it, whatever truths or untruths he's telling you, the guy is flakey anyway, cos he makes appointments and then cancels them, and those things are irritating IRL when it's a pattern.

But I do think you are being unreasonable to expect him to drop everything for a stranger before his daughter! I would question a guy's integrity who did do that!

As a single parent myself, the last thing I wanna do is phone mates at the last minute for babysitting (bar an emergency), I'd rather keep them for the fun times out! :o

A friend of mine used to do loads of internet dating, and she had quite a few instances where she'd be online with someone, or chatting on the phone with them, they'd get on fantastically well, but the bloke would make excuses why they couldn't meet up (and once they'd given a few excuses and it got faintly embarrassing they would drop offline and block her).

Seemed like they only really wanted the fantasy of chatting to someone and knowing they could go on a date, without wanting to actually do it. This could have been for a number of reasons - not single, not having the confidence, etc. One of them happened to mention in passing that he'd put a lot of weight on, she thought he might have been embarrassed to meet up despite being very chatty and flirty over the phone. But the problem was with them, not with her.

I think Eurostar gives fantastic advice - meet up with them early, so you can make sure there's a normal human being (who can get out of the house) on the end of all the web chat/phone chat etc. you are doing. Also to put an end to any build up you are giving him in your head that he might not live up to!

It doesn't really matter why he's breaking dates - it shouldn't be this hard work this early on IMO.

I don't begrudge him seeing his daughter at all. He sounds like a wonderful dad.I just begrudge him not sticking to plans. Bloody inconvenient. Oh well- I'm not fawning aftre him any more. Onwards and upwards.

Kids are happy when their parents are happy. He's on match because he wants a relationship i presume.He hopes a relationhip will make him happy. Hows he ever going to find love if he can't do that first date. It's one evening fgs. he can then decide if she's worth it or not. his life though.
i'm back on match later to find new
tossers men!

I am divorced and if I asked my ex to have the kids at short notice and he said "sorry I've arranged to go out" I'd accept it. If his ex tries to make him have the kids every time she suspects he is going on a date then he isn't properly separated and this sounds like a situation to avoid. Nonresident parents have a right to a social life just like resident parents who can arrange babysitters. Admittedly babysitting arrangements can fall through and emergencies happen but 2 planned dates and 2 excuses sound too much of a coincidence. If his relationship with his ex is such that he can't tell her he is going out, or is terrified to say no to her then he is worth avoiding. It is possible to have kids and a social life.

I am sure he is a lovely guy but if it is going to be difficult like this then maybe not the one for you.
Like you I would be peed off. I am seeing a guy at the moment and I sometimes for various reasons only get to see him every 10 days and that for me is not enough.
Good luck with match, it's a bloody minefield but hopefully you will have luck and find someone who will love a first date with you.