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Original poster

''I think you're cute, here's my number". Discuss.

42 replies

QueenofWhatever · 19/09/2010 10:55

I was out with my friend and her partner having a meal in a nice pub last night. They met on the internet and were giving me the 'benefit' of their advice. Anyway, at the next table were a couple on a date and we were watching their body langugage etc. I was complaining that I never go on dates and he was cute, but their date seemed a bit strained. His eyes were starting to glaze over and, boy did she talk.

My friend said I should have gone up to him (ideally when his date had gone to the toilet) and said 'I think you're cute, here's my number'.

I've really surprised myself as to how shocked I am by this. Am I:

a) someone with no self-esteem
b) not the feminist I think I am
c) destined to get more cats

All advice gratefully receive.

OP posts:
mmmwine · 19/09/2010 10:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BenHer · 19/09/2010 11:01

Not bad advice from your your friend but you need to build up your technique/confidence with guys who are on their own first before you attempt the far riskier strategy of trying to prize a bloke away from his date while she pops off for a quick squirt!Wink

Taghain · 19/09/2010 11:05

Going up to someone like that would take courage, so a) isn't right.
b) Yes, if you were shocked.
c) Not if you decide to take action next time.

Really, your friend should have gone up to him to ask on your behalf & give him your number. That way you'd both save face at the risk of him asking your friend out instead.

ValiumSingleton · 19/09/2010 11:08

I wouldn't take your reluctance to do this as evidence that you're not a feminist! FAR from it.

I might say to somebody (in a parallel universe, where I have more confidence, and am looking for a man) I think you're good company, here's my number.

But thinking somebody is 'cute' without ever having spoken one word to them just wouldn't be good enough reason for me to risk embarrassing myself, or wanting to spend time with somebody.

cute equals what exactly? Maybe I'm old and ugly though.............

spikeycow · 19/09/2010 11:09

I wouldn't do that. It's rude. And if anyone called me cute I'd take their head off their shoulders. Not that they would, probably.

Hassled · 19/09/2010 11:13

There is no scenario in the world in which I'd have done as your friend suggested. Not even drunk. It's not lack of self-esteem, it's too much self-consciousness.

Original poster
QueenofWhatever · 19/09/2010 11:19

taghain good suggestion, but my friend needs no encouragement as that is exactly the sort of thing she would do.

On the feminist point, I am completely supportive of others doing it, I would be very impressed. So maybe it is a).

Cats are lovely though...

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 19/09/2010 11:20

With Spikeycow on this. It's not only rude, it's doubly so if he's with someone else. Just because his body language suggested he wasn't enjoying the conversation doesn't give you the right to muscle in when he is actually with someone else. Either you are making one hell of a lot of assumptions about what's going on between them, or you've been eavesdropping, which is Not Good Manners. But maybe I'm just very old-fashioned. If I were to be honest I wouldn't have the bottle even if I did think it was an ok thing to do.

We'll leave out of consideration, shall we, the safety aspect of giving your telephone number to a total stranger. He may have been fidgetting because he was impatient to get to the bit of the evening where he got to drag her into a back alley and, at the very least, nick her handbag.

Tippychoocks · 19/09/2010 11:22

I am all for you approaching people but to do it when he's on a date with another woman is a bit iffy to me. Don't know why, just is.
And "cute" is cringy. As is "hot". Just give the number, am sure most men can figure out the rest

ValiumSingleton · 19/09/2010 11:26

I can't imagine being brave enough, but in theory, what about saying to a man (who's not with somebody of course!) 'I think you're good company/good humoured/interesting/funny'. Is that ok? Would it send out a more serious message than 'hey you're cute, come up and ufck me sometime!'.

OR, is it just really cheesey ???

SO hypothetical. WOuldn't ever be brave enough.

SheWillBeLoved · 19/09/2010 11:29

I'd be mortified if somebody did that to me when I was on a date. He could well have been on a first date, bored out of his mind, but to go and give him your number would show a huge amount of disrespect for the other woman that I would find quite off putting if I were in his shoes. They could also have been a long term couple who are going through a rough time, but as Anniegetyourgun said, unless you were eavesdropping - you wouldn't have known.

How would you feel if you found out that somebody gave your date their number whilst you popped to the loo?

picc · 19/09/2010 12:40

You got there before me, SheWillBeLoved

Was about to say similar.
My initial thought about this bloke was "What an arse!"
I mean... if it was a first date, then could he not have at least shown her enough respect to be polite, rather than making it clear to strangers in the restaurant just how bored he was?

But otherwise, how do you know it was a first date. Maybe they'd been married for years and you just got them in the midst of a tiff.
There are nights when DH and I go out, and it just happens to coincide with a time when he's stressed, or we've just argued, or I'm fed up... but we don't get the opportunity to go out that often, so we go out anyway.
I kick myself afterwards for not making the most of it, but when you're with someone for a long time, sometimes life kind of takes over.

However, I love DH and (hope!!) he loves me too. IF someone interupted our night to give him their number just cos we weren't staring lovingly into each others' eyes the whole night, I'd be horrified!!

Original poster
QueenofWhatever · 20/09/2010 12:16

Interesting views. Some of you seem quite angry that my friends and I were even having this conversation. It wasn't a case of sitting their eavesdropping or making perjorative assumptions, it was just people watching which triggered a conversation. I think that's human nature and we all do it to a certain extent.

As I say, I wouldn't have done it out of embarrassment, sisterhood and other reasons. I also wouldn't like a man to do it to me - tbh, I'd think he was a bit of a player.

OP posts:
starsareshining · 20/09/2010 19:15

I wouldn't dream of doing this to somebody. Especially if I could see that they were actually there with somebody else. I think it's really odd to give somebody your number based on no more than their physical appearance. I've been approached in a similar way in the past and been very annoyed by it. I wouldn't dream of accepting somebody's number because they thought I looked attractive. What would happen then? Would they have to phone you to tell you their name and basic information? It's just bizarre!

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/09/2010 19:17

I think it is pretty much not on to go and give someone your number when they are on a date with someone else...

so maybe d) you are a nice person?

BitOfFun · 20/09/2010 19:18

It would be ridiculously rude.

And as for the suggestion that your friend should go over and say "My mate fancies you"- are you kidding me?!

IseeGraceAhead · 20/09/2010 21:02

I reckon it's out of order if he's on a date. You'd have to engineer a situation where you could find out if he was free - difficult at a sit-down meal. Unless you can get a staff member to do it for you Wink

Get over your Little Woman ideas, though, or you'll never have control over your own love life! My most tried & tested approach is "Would you like to buy me a drink?"

Yeah, I'm a scrounger ... works well, though.

ScaredOfCows · 21/09/2010 07:24

It's rude, it's intrusive and actually, since you wouldn't know anything about him, it could be very unsafe - he could be any kind of weirdo!

alexsdad · 21/09/2010 08:07

Not necessarily commenting on the issue of doing this when someone already seems to be on a date, but a good few years ago I (male) was at a concert with a mate (also male).

Half way through the concert, a girl (who was with someone, but had been eyeing my mate up in the bar beforehand) passed us in the aisle and quickly handed him a piece of paper with her phone number on it. I was hugely Envy. For some reason it seemed very "sexy".

Whilst nothing came of it long term, they seemed to have a good time for a while.

prozacfairy · 21/09/2010 10:18

Really out of order to do that while the guy was on a date. His date could have been chatting so much through nerves so might not always be that way or thought it was going really well, only for you to go piss on her parade while she's nipped to the loo. I'd be gutted if someone did that to me.

Are you sure he was bored? He might have just had a lot on his mind.

Remotew · 21/09/2010 10:58

Sounds like your friend was encouraging you to make a complete idiot of yourself. Tut these smug couples eh!

Taghain · 21/09/2010 11:08

Get over yourselves.
Yes it will take courage to do it.
If the guy isn't interested, he won't call the number so you won't lose anything.

Of course you don't know anything about him apart from his looks & his demeanour but those are a good start.

Just try it. DOn't worry about the other woman, if the relationship is strong it'll last; it it's not and he likes the look of you he will call.

What have you got to lose?

templemaiden · 21/09/2010 11:16

Bad form to do it on a date, and I hadn't thought about the safety aspect of it - but I have been known to approach guys I thought were "cute".

Most recently (a couple of years ago) I as buying running shoes and the guy in the shop and I seemed to really hit it off - we had a nice chat and we had running in common and he was really nice looking.

All the way home I was thinking to myself "What if he could be IT!"

So when I got home I rang the shop, asked to speak to him, reminded him who I was, told him I thought he was nice and asked him if he was single. He said he wasn't single, but that I had really made his day. :)

A week later I met my future dh.

If you are polite and sensible about it, it doesn't hurt to approach men you are attracted to.

dittany · 21/09/2010 11:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FakePlasticTrees · 21/09/2010 11:26

It'd would have been really, really embarrassing if you'd done that, and when his date came back from the loo, he told her.

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