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Original poster

''I think you're cute, here's my number". Discuss.

42 replies

QueenofWhatever · 19/09/2010 10:55

I was out with my friend and her partner having a meal in a nice pub last night. They met on the internet and were giving me the 'benefit' of their advice. Anyway, at the next table were a couple on a date and we were watching their body langugage etc. I was complaining that I never go on dates and he was cute, but their date seemed a bit strained. His eyes were starting to glaze over and, boy did she talk.

My friend said I should have gone up to him (ideally when his date had gone to the toilet) and said 'I think you're cute, here's my number'.

I've really surprised myself as to how shocked I am by this. Am I:

a) someone with no self-esteem
b) not the feminist I think I am
c) destined to get more cats

All advice gratefully receive.

OP posts:

Remotew · 21/09/2010 11:49

Templemaiden so is your DH the guy in the sports shop or was this another one?

Agree very much with Dittany. I am not saying that I have never approached a 'cute' guy or rather engineered an introduction but only if he appears to be single and I'm sure he has noticed me already.

minipie · 21/09/2010 12:00

Two separate questions here:

should you approach someone who's on a date with another woman (but appears bored)

Answer to this one is no way. He is, at least for the moment, "taken", unless he decides by himself to ditch the date. In fact they could be married for all you know (I'm sure my DH's eyes regularly glaze over when I get on my soapbox... ).

should you approach a man who is not on a date, who you find attractive.

Answer to this one is why on earth not. But for ego protecting reasons, I'd only do it if I'd had some sort of indication - however minor - that he was likely to be keen.

Let's face it, whether it's a man or a woman who does the asking, they like the other person to have met them half way before they stick their neck out.

Aeldredida · 21/09/2010 12:54

Only if he starts browsing Match.cm while she is in the loo...

Otherwise very bad form because of the date.

Original poster

QueenofWhatever · 21/09/2010 13:22

I'm finding this all so interesting! I knew it didn't feel right, but I wasn't sure why IYSWIM. I think for me it is because of the fact he was on a date and it would be disrespectful to both of them.

In theory I think it is good to go up to a man and show you are interested - I would probably echo that he needs to have shown some interest.

My ex was really nasty in so many ways and sex and romance were used as a weapon against me for many years. Now that my mind is turning to these things again, I have no internal barometer as to what seems right or wrong.

FakePlasticTrees - extremely embarrassing!

OP posts:

dittany · 21/09/2010 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ginnny · 21/09/2010 13:45

If I was on a date and somebody did this while I went to the loo I'd flatten them.
Similarly if a guy asked me out while my date was in the toilet I'd be very
Nothing to do with self esteem or feminism, just really bad manners imo.

LoisCommonDenominator · 21/09/2010 14:34

Yes, exactly what ginnny said. Even if I was having a dreadful date, I would still think a man who passed me his number while my date was in the loo was a sleazebag.

If we take the date out of the equation, I still wouldn't do it

a) because I'm a wimp, but
b) because I wouldn't want to go on a date with someone purely on the basis of their looks. I'd want to know that there was a mutual spark and that we could get on with each other, else it could be an awkward evening (possibly ended by me hiding in the loos while another woman slips him her phone number )

3kidstoomany · 21/09/2010 14:41

would be a wrong thing to do on all the above counts.

also, imagine if, when she came back from the toilet, he told her about it. could've caused a lot of unpleasantness all round.....

Gay40 · 21/09/2010 20:05

I'm not really seeing the issue. Maybe because this happened to me and I liked it.
Not sure if she ever told her husband afterwards what she'd done when he popped to the loo.

poshsinglemum · 21/09/2010 20:09

If you had acted on her advice I would consider you a bit of a bitch tbh.

fluffles · 21/09/2010 20:10

i think giving someone your number like that is the equivalent of asking them out on a date, and i'd never ask somebody out who looked 'cute' if i hadn't had even the slightest conversation with him.

surely you don't judge men 100% on looking 'cute'? surely you want a man you can have a conversation with? get on with? have at least something in common with?

Gay40 · 21/09/2010 21:32

But you might never know about the good conversation if you don't go out on the date?

templemaiden · 21/09/2010 22:48

"Templemaiden so is your DH the guy in the sports shop or was this another one?"

This was another one. I met him on plentyoffish.com.

And I messaged him first because he looked cute :)

I think looking cute is a good enough reason to ask someone out on a first date, if there are no contra-indications.

That's what a first date is for - to see if they are nice enough to go on a second date. If not, you just say tyvm - have a nice life!

SolidGoldBrass · 21/09/2010 22:58

Giving your number to someone who is obviously 'with' someone else is daft because it runs an unnecessarily high risk of getting smacked in the face or at least given a lot of hostile verbal - the bloke might have taken exception to your behaviour and made a big fuss in order to demonstrate to his new date what a big hairy monogamist he is.
Giving your number to someone because you think the person is attractive, the person appears to be single and the person has given you an appreciative look or a smile or some indication of interest is the sort of thing that could lead to a lot of fun. Though if you think you might like to do this sort of thing (or, indeed, if you are about to embark on internet dating) it's a good idea to get a cheap PAYG mobile and use that for dating. Because if you do get a nutter, you can throw the simcard away.

Gay40 · 21/09/2010 23:29

I just think - if you don't make any calls, you don't make any sales.

Footlong · 22/09/2010 01:21

^My most tried & tested approach is "Would you like to buy me a drink?"

Yeah, I'm a scrounger ... works well, though.^

I am not surpised, it is a nice approach. Shows confidence but not overly aggresive.

Would have worked on me, and made a great first impression.

Remotew · 22/09/2010 11:54

Making the first move with internet dating is a different ball game. 'Would you like to buy me a drink' might also get you a mouthful of abuse in this day and age but could be an OK approach.

Can remember going out on a regular girls night and we decided to have a competition as to who can get the most drinks bought them, OK we were younger, and it was better than the 'pull pig' games groups if men liked to play at that time. I won the competition!

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