DH being nasty to me about breaking things accidently

[Fujji]

I don't know what it is but I seem to break everything I touch. I've always been quite clumsy and forgetful so it's not a new thing but its getting really bad and DH is starting to become quite nasty about it.
A few weeks ago we bought a cheap mp3 player for the car. I was using it when it broke. I told DH who rolled his eyes and bought a new one. I took the back off that one to change the batteries and the back completely vanished. We never did find it and then it broke (I suspect from damp getting in the hole at the back). DH bought another one. I downloaded a virus onto it and it broke. So DH has refused to buy anymore which I'm fine with. But he bought a sat nav and it was fine then one day I used it and it just stopped working. I have no idea why, it just chose that moment to break. DH went balistic and bought another one with the money he'd put aside for my birthday
Last weekend I broke the kitchen tap. This weekend I accidently broke the food processor (DH's processor) and he started a huge argument over it.
Today, the hoover has broken. I text DH who said he's now going to order the most expensive one from the shop and put it on my credit card.
Is it normal for a husband to be so unsupportive/nasty about his wife's negative traits?? Sometimes I honestly feel like just packing up and leaving. I'm sure its the stress of him that makes me nervous enough to break stuff anyway.

He is being a tosser about it but in a few weeks you have wrecked 3 MP3 players, a sat nav, the kitchen tap, the food processor, and the hoover.

It's a LOT of stuff and a lot of money, and if my partner was trashing everything in the house and leaving me to relace it, I'd feel like being a tosser too.

I do feel for you, I'm a klutz too, but although it may only be coninidence you do seem quite selective about the things you break - how much of your own stuff have you broken?

Can't you be more careful?

He is being OTT, can you point out how mean he is, along with something negative about him that you have to put up with and how it should be give and take?

It IS very frustrating living with someone like this, my DH is like this but I have learnt to bite my lip as being cross won't get the item fixed and also it means he won't be cross when I break things (I broke his food processor which was £££ and there's no way we can afford a new one, what is it with men and kitchen gadgets?).

I always break my own stuff. I have broken my straighteners, wrecked a new pair of jeans with bleach, Dropped my phone and smashed it, broke my guinea pig's hutch door and smashed a treasured ornament that was my father's (who died when I was young). I then cocked it up further by glueing it back together wrong with super glue.
I just don't know how things break though, like the sat nav, I didn't touch it, it just broke and the kitchen tap practically came off in my hand. I know it sounds funny and gormless but it really gets me down. I used to get told off a lot as a child for it and it really upsets me because I genuinly don't know how it happens.

Stop breaking stuff it does sound a bit much no wonder he is getting peed off.

Sounds like you need to make sure you don't touch things that are remotely breakable.

And also, if I were you, I would go to the doctor and demand a physio appointment because it is not normal at all to be so clumsy.

LOLOL at 'fucking hell woman, can't you be a bit more careful'

DP is a clumsy oaf, he is always breaking plates. He broke 2 dinner plates, a side plate and a glass one weekend. I nearly left him. He just leaves it perched precariously somewhere, then clouts it with his elbow, then it is the puppy dog eyes and 'whoops I did it again'. I just snarl that he is not Britney Spears.

It is really frustrating. I think you are being a bit helples female about it tbh. Just pull your finger out and stop being so clumsy. And yes, you should pay for breakages. DP pays for the new plates for me to frisbee at his head

I am clumsy but normally hurt myself rather than breaking stuff - I have bruises all over me as I walk into things soooo often. And I get fed up with myself.

With me it's rushing things - the more I rush the more I crash into things.

On the upside, I don't break things very often and I don't crash the car. So it's not all bad hey?

Try to assess what it is that's making you clumsy. Some stuff is unavoidable - the satnav for eg is just one of those irritating things. But if you know the root cause, like I do, then you can try to help the situation.

It must be hugely frustrating for the poor fella - my DH is fed up of people looking askance at my spectacular bruises! Oh, and keep receipts for everying - if they simply fail to work (as opposed to being broken) then you should be returning them to the store. And stuff you genuinely have broken you should be replacing as I'm sure you would be expecting him to if he broke your stuff.

to be fair although you say you can't help it it IS a lot of stuff to keep breaking, and I can understand why he is frustrated about it

i don't think there should be any "my money your money" about it though
they are joint belongings and get paid for out of joint account

i have to admit if i were him i probably would ask you not to use my stuff if you break it so frequently though,

do you thin kit's a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy? you think you're going to break it so subconciously you are less careful and then it ends up breaking and that reinforces it in your mind?

i would agree with going to the GP to see if there is anyhting they can suggest

Are you dropping things more often than you ever did before? Perhaps there is a medical cause for this that you should investigate further? I don't mean to worry you - and it seems unlikely as your breakages are more, um, mixed - but this can be how certain neurological problems first manifest.

Apart from that, get yourself some good household insurance that covers accidental damage ;-)

Fujji - have you considered that you might be dyspraxic?

Have a look at the link and doing some reading about that topic may help you.

I think I am possibly very mildly dyspraxic.

I tend to have more breakages than normal and also more spillages etc.

What I tell myself now is if I am trying to take a short cut on a task it normaly goes wrong in the end.

That's the rule: Don't take short cuts.

So to give an example:

I had some diet coke cans and they normally go down to the kitchen to be rinsed and recycled but I had a messy office, blah blah, thought I'll just chuck them in the bin: result when changing the bin I get some diet coke spashes on the carpet.

I defnitely think stress can play a part.

Perhaps don't use things which he classifies as "his" .

I don't like the way your DH is treating you though.

You need to set some financial boundaries.

Why did you tet your DH re the hoover?

Why don't you see if it can be repaired?

If not why not get a cheap model or ask on Freecycle.

Why has your DH got access to your credit card?

WRT to your birthday present this sounds horribly like a "punishment".

If there is money to buy 2 sat navs then there must be some money for your birthday.

Again, are you sure the sat nav can't be mended?

Are you suffering from lack of sleep/ehausted/doing more than your share of the housework?

Sorry for the massive stream of consciousness - jut some thoughts.

This is probably me being insane, but it does seem like clumsiness on a worrying degree. How is your co-ordination/spatial awareness generally? Are you physically well? Is it worth talking to the doctor about, do you think?

Yes, your DH is being an arse but you have to see it from his point of view. I don't see how he feels he has the right to put anything on someone else's credit card, though.

Dyspraxia is the word I was hesitating to use!

If he can't be good-humoured about it, tell him not to worry, you'll keep well away from the dishwasher, hoover, lawnmower... etc in future if you're 'not to be trusted'.

Dh made this mistake once over something I damaged which was v expensive and I think he really wishes he's engaged brain and not mouth because I devised apt revenge

And what difference if your dh puts it on your c/c, I don't get this his/her money thing, isn't it all the same money?

Sounds grim for you both.

I was a very clumsy child, walking into doors, breaking things e.g. dropping entire dinner service onto freshly tiled floor..., spilling things for no apparent reason, falling on stairs.

There is a joke in our family that there must be a clumsy gene - my grandad had it too.

I mostly seemed to grow out of it, but severe sleep deprivation with DS1 seems to have brought it back somewhat.

I've wondered if it could be dyspraxia?

I would suggest asking your GP about it, as there might be something they could suggest to help you. If nothing else, it might help your DH to be more accepting.

Massively x-posted there!

Have you considered dyspraxia? You sound very accident prone. DH breaks stuff and it drives me utterly insane. He is no longer allowed to touch our wedding crystal as he broke 3 out of 6 of them. I would be horrid to him if he had broken what you have recently - but I know he's not careful enough.

Why is it his food processor?

He has no right to treat you like an idiot but you do need to see your GP for a referral to see why you are breaking so many things.

i agree with the dyspraxia idea - i'm very mildly dyspraxis, and i'm always breaking stuff and hurting myself - quite often i'll have a bruise that i've no idea how i've got it (but i'm always banging into stuff).

don't know how you can fix stuff breaking when it's malfunctioning, things like losing the back of your mp3 player.
I can't believe how easy it is to lose things! sometimes, i put something down, say on my counter, and it will have disappeared by the time i need it again! (but i always have a bloody good search for it, and it's usually been pushed out ofthe way or something - slipped under the keyboard)

I have to be very careful with everything.
if i don't think it's safe for me to do something, i refuse - like, I will not carry anything glass for anyone, becausei know i will drop it.
if i have to do a task, i will make sure that all the bits and bobs for the task are in a plastic tub at the start, so that they can't fall out or disappear.
i won't walk with the knife - if i find it in the drawer, i will use it on the worktop directly above the door.

i get the oven gloves before i open the oven door (yes, i did very nearly put my ungloved hand in the oven this weekend)
etc.
it's really hard, and requires soo much attention, but you have to try to preempt stuff.

and, golden rule never, ever do anything if you feel tired or worried or stressed

(i fell down the stairs about 4 weeks ago becausei had to get up to do the chickens at 10 to 6, i wasn't properly awake and i had a massive bruise from it and a lump that will not go away (think i've done something major, but it's not muscle or bone)

OP, much like you, I'm massively clumsy (though not dyspraxic, I've been told - I believe dyspraxia is about much more than just clumsiness though).

People have teased me all my life about my clumsiness, from 'you're a little accident just waiting to happen' as a child, through butt of friendly teenage jokes, to family scapegoat.

As an adult, I've learned how to deal with it: some things I don't touch, some things I only touch when I'm not rushing, and so on and so forth. For example, I no longer wash expensive/fragile wine glasses, DH does. Or generally do the washing up when I'm tired or have a toddler clinging to my knees. And electrical items - I must admit I'm more likely to break them if I'm not in the calmest frame of mind. And the times I've scratched the car are definitely the times I've been late, rushing or mind elsewhere. I'm often hurting myself too - stubbing my toe, tripping over, that kind of thing.

Don't get me wrong, DH and I absolutely split all the housework down the middle; but he's very understanding as long as I'm aware of how heavy handed I am and am reasonably careful. And I do think underlying it all I admit I can have a bit of a gung-ho thoughtless attitude about, say, cleaning stuff, which does end in breakages.

Of course it's joint money, but you really should tot up the total in your mind, and think how upset you'd be the other way round.

Good luck!

Some of the things you say you broke, you don't actually know you broke. They broke, eg. the hoover, mine stopped working this week I don't assume it was me, I just assumed it broke. Why are you taking the blame for everything? Wasn't the MP3 under guarantee the first time it broke?

I don't think your H is being very nice at all, no. Nerves can make you more clumsy.

I couldn't drive for shit when my XP was in the car cos he was so vile to me.

Don't really get the 'his' food processor or 'his' satnav etc etc.. You can draw a line between clothes ,jewellery and personal stuff but house stuff is house stuff and belongs to all.

Meant to add, I second other posters saying mentioning it to your GP can't hurt... definitely do that to rule anything health-related out.

You have my sympathies!