DH being nasty to me about breaking things accidently

[Fujji]

I don't know what it is but I seem to break everything I touch. I've always been quite clumsy and forgetful so it's not a new thing but its getting really bad and DH is starting to become quite nasty about it.
A few weeks ago we bought a cheap mp3 player for the car. I was using it when it broke. I told DH who rolled his eyes and bought a new one. I took the back off that one to change the batteries and the back completely vanished. We never did find it and then it broke (I suspect from damp getting in the hole at the back). DH bought another one. I downloaded a virus onto it and it broke. So DH has refused to buy anymore which I'm fine with. But he bought a sat nav and it was fine then one day I used it and it just stopped working. I have no idea why, it just chose that moment to break. DH went balistic and bought another one with the money he'd put aside for my birthday
Last weekend I broke the kitchen tap. This weekend I accidently broke the food processor (DH's processor) and he started a huge argument over it.
Today, the hoover has broken. I text DH who said he's now going to order the most expensive one from the shop and put it on my credit card.
Is it normal for a husband to be so unsupportive/nasty about his wife's negative traits?? Sometimes I honestly feel like just packing up and leaving. I'm sure its the stress of him that makes me nervous enough to break stuff anyway.

I agree with others that maybe you should speak to GP as it does sound like you're very clumsy and that can be down to various medical causes such as dyspraxia. I had a housemate at university that had some benign pituary condition that made her incredibly clumsy.

I suppose how your DP deals with it is a separate issue. It does sound like he's being a bit mean. But then I can see it would be trying if you're constantly having to replace everything that gets broken.

Do get it checked out though.

for you.

I will just point out that if you use something more often than someone else, if it's going to break it is statistically more likely it will do so when you are using it.

We get through irons like mad. The last one lasted less than a year! Now, DH could say that I broke the irons, but I didn't. They just went phut when I happened to be using them. Because I do most of the ironing.

You could try a similar passive-agressive technique to the one that men people do when they do something so badly that they won't be asked to do it again . . . "Oh DH you had better cook the dinner as I'd hate to upset you as much as I did before if I broke your food processor again."

Him "I wasn't upset."

You "Yes you were. You were really angry with me. I am not risking it again. You cook the dinner."

Reading the dyspraxia checklist and this thread made me . I think DS1 has a touch of dyspraxia and I get very impatient with him.

I'm quite clumsy, so you have my sympathies. People making me feel bad about my clumsiness just makes it worse too.
DH can get quite upset when I knock over a drink/ drop something and it breaks etc. But now I have made an effort to point out that when he does those things I don't react like that, if he spills a drink I just help him mop it up for instance. I think it has helped him to slowly learn that 'there's no use crying over spilt milk' as it were.

Also- maybe just don't have expensive equipment etc if you're prone to breaking it? Get a cheap mp3 player or live without one, etc?

as a fellow clumsy type, I can see both sides - on the one hand, it's quite a tally of broken items - but on the other hand, many of them don't sound like your fault, just sheer bad luck. As other posters have said, you need to develop ways to work around your clumsiness to avoid further incidents.

I reversed into a lamppost when dropping off the ironing (there were mitigating factors, honest!) and caused 1k of damage to the car. Dh's 1st reaction was to be annoyed. Me: "Yes, I'm fine thank you for asking" to which he looked very embarrassed. He later found it amusing to tell his parents, sisters, the postman etc despite knowing how hacked off I was with myself. So dropping off the ironing now is his job, I insist and it's got nothing to do with being worried I'll prang the car and he knows it .

If you didn't care about breaking these things that would be annoying but if you're angry with yourself then it's pointless for dh to be.

I am also clumsy and would concur that in times of stress it gets much worse. When my husband and I were separating I broke 3 iPhones! Still, I count myself lucky that I didn't crash the car or something.

Also, when I am PMSing I can be very clumsy. Does your clumsiness coincide with your time of the month?

In any case, I sympathise, the dexterous can be very impatient with us clumsy types - and it's not like we do it on purpose!

He needs to get some perspective. It's stuff. You are his wife.

My DH has his food processor because it was his before we were together and it was much prized and saved up for. We're not possessive about most household things.

I cut the lawns last week for the first time ever (Dh away). The lawnmower stopped working halfway through .

Dh suggested I look at the plug, to make sure the wires haven't come loose etc. If that doesn't work I shall be buying another lawnmower.

No blame.

Give yourself a break, op. Not everything's your fault, some things just stop working.

I'm glad it's not just me that finds irons ridiculously short-lived... Also, about the whole clearing up thing, I hate that too. If I drop something the world might as well be ending but if he ever does something then if I mention it I'm nagging...

I don't think I'll ever truly understand men. Or cure my clumsiness...

You know that way when you go to turn on a light/electrical good and it choses that moment to blow? That always happens to me, never dh.

In one week my fridge freezer, microwave, blender, toaster, boiler, hoover and laptop broke. Things break, they aren't built to last like the old days. It's more a coincidence than your fault I would think.

But why is the blender HIS? And money is joint surely? Not impressed with the birthday money thing either.

is it just about broken things?

how is he otherwise?

does he caatastrophise other things too?

do you have DC?

"Today, the hoover has broken. I text DH who said he's now going to order the most expensive one from the shop and put it on my credit card. 2"

who pays the credit card bills?
do you pay yours and him his?

does he control what and where you spend?

what exactly did you text him?

why didnt you say "hoover's broken i bought a new one in argos, £xx, all fine now "

or do you have to always consult with him first?

Whether you are Ms Clumsy of Clumsy-ville or not, he is treating you like a naughty child.

Most of the things you list in your OP, as others have said, weren't broken by you. They just broke. Things do. I had a cup of tea on Sunday afternoon, then plugged the kettle in half an hour later for dd, didn't work. Kettle is about 4 mths old. No-one died.

Ditto iron.

I'm totally lacking in common sense, me, so often do things wrong. But if dp started on me like yours seems to be doing, I'd be letting rip big time.

Why is he replacing everything? Haven't you got your own money? It's a bit much of you to break everything he has paid for and then complain when he gets the hump. What happens if he loses his job or whatever? Who is going to rectify your mistakes then? You need to fix up Mrs Bean.

Have you considered that your breaking his stuff is actually you enacting some repressed violence against him? Just a thought.

This thread makes me sad Just checking in on MN to see my thread and this one I almost mistook it for as I didn't see the title.

I don't know why you are getting such a hard time from other women here, I am kind of in the same boat. I am a bit clumsy but not terribly so, just really unlucky.

You can guarantee in our house if something is going to break it will be when I am using it, bloody typical. I can say hand on heart 99% of the time it's not my fault, just using as normal and it's at that given time it chooses to pack up. Much like you describe the sat nav, hoover, 1st mp3 player.

My examples are battery dying on the car, laptop, car key. Many more all of this started with objects. Everything was always my fault, if it were an accident ok I can take blame but accidents happen sometimes, but no I was being blamed and still was hence thread for everything that could possibly go wrong. Those examples I gave were not my fault, they just happened to pack in when I was using them through natural causes if you like.

It's gone on from objects now and I am blamed for every fuck up in our lives even being sick, I don't know if you can see my thread, do look incase you recognise anything.

I am just really unlucky and things packed up when I was using them, sods law as I am the one at home so statistics were against me, things packed up when I used them as I was around the most. On the rare occassion I knew I'd done something I'd say. But 99% of the time it's just a case of things naturally packing in when I was at home. The hassle and horrid remarks I got were enough to really grind me down, then it went to other things, like being ill etc. To the point everything has become my fault.

Before I say what I'm really thinking, I'll ask you to run all this by your GP. Weird neurological shit is sometimes heralded by weird shit 'happening' in daily life.

Next, I'll point out the obvious fact that being nervous about getting told off makes you more likely to break things ...

... and now I'll point out that your OP was not really about clumsiness. It's about appliances mysteriously going wrong when you use them. The back off the music player vanished? You downloaded a virus onto the next one - not a very common occurrence - and then the satnav lost its way the minute you touched it? I don't think these are accidents. I think he's gaslighting you. The business about buying your own vacuum (oh, sorry, him buying a new one on your card), and personal ownership of kitchen utensils, makes me feel pretty sure you've got a nasty controlling husband there. I'm sad for you.

Sorry for you, too, advicewanted :(

Grace- you are one paranoid android

"You downloaded a virus onto the next one - not a very common occurrence" Actually, very easy to do if you do illegal downloads and don't have good anti-V on your PC.

Unless the Op's husband is an electronics whizz I think he'd find it hard to "rig" stuff like a sat nav so that it broke next time it was used.

Fair comment, B&T :)

Hmm, your husband is being a bit of an arse, but I can easily see how he might feel that you are just really careless with things.

First, do go get yourself checked out, esp if this is just recent, it may be indicative of a more serious problem.

Second, if things break quickly, take them back to the shop and get them repaired or exchanged under warranty.

And try not to say "it just broke". It makes you sound like my 2 year old! In general, things don't just break in the quantities you are talking about, something happened to make them break.

Eg. Cheap mp3 player for the car and satnav. Are you one of those people (like my mum) who is unable to gently ta buttons or touchscreens, and effectively punch them instead? Could explain why things like this break. So be gentle with things like that.

Lost battery back - sit down at a clear table when taking things apart or doing fiddly things. My mum is always losing stuff like this - its because she invariably does things like this in a really messy location, and then can't see the thing she's looking for.

I downloaded a virus onto it - well, you must have been downloading from some really dodgy sites. Stick to itunes and the like, and get some decent AVS for your PC.

Tap, food processor - are you often in a hurry and just slamming things around? Sounds like it.

Hoover - ditto above, do you tidy up properly before hoovering? Maybe that's where your battery back is?

My mum was really like this - always flustered, in a hurry, in a mess, disorganised and things got broken, lost etc. She'd say, just like you, that she wasn't doing anything to it, it just happened. Thing is, we could all see her jabbing wildly at buttons and remotes etc, so hardly suprising she broke them. She had accidents because she never focussed on things, always thinking about something else. She actually went on a brain train thingy to help, and it had a remarkable effect. Now we have to deal with her wandering around with post-it reminders stapled to herself, but that's a whole other story!

OT a little bit, but Bucharest (and anyone this might help!)
If it's a cordless kettle, unplug it, unscrew the bottom of the base, and you'll see a little tiny switch/button.
that's a reset and just press it, and the kettle will work again.

I'm another clumsy person, luckily DH (although occasionally exasperated) mostly makes a joke out of it, his stock phrase is "Oh, did you drop something?"

I find that it's worse if I'm hurrying, flustered or otherwise not paying full attention. So when I'm carrying anything that's breakable I force myself to focus very carefully on what I'm doing, make sure my hands are steady, watch every step etc. This helps a lot.

The worst thing is when driving with DH in the car, though. Even though he doesn't mean to, his presence turns me into a terrible driver. I'm much more confident and relaxed on my own in the car! But I think that's my failing, not his fault.

I can see it from both sides, tbh, I'd be furious if my dh kept breaking things which I then had to pay to replace, but not everything can be your fault (thinking of the hoover). Why didn't you try to fix it yourself first, it could have just been a loose wire?

nickelbabe thanks, will give it a try (fingers crossed I don't pierce one of my own arteries with the screwdriver!)

Fujji please do check out dyspraxia.

I'm nearly 38 and have only recently found out about dyspraxia and realised 'why' I am so clumsy. It's done my self-esteem the world of good!!!! I now realise that instead of being some stupid, disorganised and unskilled woman who is always covered in bruises and should try harder to be careful, I am actually quite a sorted, careful woman who lives a remarkably normal life in spite of being dyspraxic.