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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Have you ever contemplated an affair, just in your head, just for a min

56 replies

lazytoad · 09/09/2010 10:53

I was just wondering how normal it is for people to fantasize about or contemplate an affair even if deep down you know you wouldn't do it. Maybe with a friend or a colleague? Go on, be honest...

OP posts:
ConnorTraceptive · 09/09/2010 16:45

No not normal to share your secret crush with your partner

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 20:11

of course

next question....

Shaz10 · 09/09/2010 20:15

No, never. Such a shame, I could have had fun in my head while he was doing it for real.

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 20:21

shaz Sad

Shaz10 · 09/09/2010 20:37

:o

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 20:38

oh, now you are just being silly Grin

emmyloulou · 09/09/2010 21:00

Oh god yeah DH knows if I ever men Jonathan Rhys Meyers, they'd be no contest.

But seriously I have seen some men, where I have thought phwoarrrrrr but never thought about running off with them or shagging them.

HalfTermHero · 09/09/2010 21:19

Honest answer is no, I have never contemplated or fantasised about an affair. Dh satisfies me 100% sexually and I don't really get urges for other men in that way. I can think 'mmm, gorgeous' or 'sexy as fuck'. But I don't actually think about them fucking me etc. For his sins, that's dh's job Grin

HalfTermHero · 09/09/2010 21:23

To add to that, I am no saint. I have cheated on previous partners and had sex with married men/men in long term relationships. All that was before my husband though.

gd1976 · 09/09/2010 21:37

Yes of course, most people that act on those thoughts probably won't post on here for fear of being slated!

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 21:38

the Op wasn't asking if people had acted on those thoughts, though

just whether they had fantasised about or contemplated the thought of doing it

Original poster
lazytoad · 09/09/2010 21:51

Ah, but how fine is the line do you think between fantasy and reality? If it was say a work colleague there is real temptation where as Daniel Craig is a much safer kind of dream..

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 21:57

I don't think the line is very fine at all

You either do it or you don't (celebs notwithstanding)

although I swear Brad Pitt wants me

whomovedmychocolate · 09/09/2010 22:00

I haven't in this marriage. Probably because I did cheat in my last one Blush. Not that that killed the marriage. It was already pretty dead.

It's fine to look and think but not to touch IME.

And you gain nothing looking at the grass over yonder, you just slather on the carpet and if you do take a trip over there, you'll probably pick up lungworm among the pasture.

Original poster
lazytoad · 09/09/2010 22:05

So when does it become 'being unfaithful'? A thought? A little flirt? A regular flirt? A bit of a snog or the whole caboodle? (Why isn't my computer telling me that caboodle is spelled wrong, I thought I made the word up).

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 22:09

why do you ask ?

have you done something/are contemplating something that is bothering you ?

have you been cheated on ?

Original poster
lazytoad · 09/09/2010 22:15

I have had a bit of a nightmare to deal with recently but I'm on the up now so I don't really want to get into talking about it just now, but thanks for asking. I'm feeling a bit more lighthearted about it now and I suppose I'm trying to gauge the seriousness of it all by putting it all into perspective and knowing how other people's minds work when it comes to this kind of thing. Does that make sense??

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 22:18

yes, it makes sense

but if you need help processing something, it might be best to talk about direct experiences rather than these nebulous "what if" type questions

you see, I am not sure you will get what you need from responses that are not in a proper context

just a thought

whomovedmychocolate · 09/09/2010 22:23

When your thoughts about someone go beyond stroking their arm its definitely being mentally unfaithful. Touch them or arrange to meet them deliberately alone, that's cheating IMHO.

CelticBanshee · 09/09/2010 22:28

Have definitely fantasised about an affair, never contemplated one though

Original poster
lazytoad · 09/09/2010 22:29

Don't worry I've been through it all and spoken quite directly about it at the time. I suppose I'm just trying to establish other people's thoughts without them judging my situation. My original question isn't directly relevant to what happened to me but it's also not a million miles away. I guess I'm interested to know how far people will go in their own imaginations.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 22:35

I am not worried, I just think this thread won't be helpful

Original poster
lazytoad · 09/09/2010 22:42

This is why I didn't want to talk about me! I've had lots of opinions on my situation and I didn't want anymore, I shouldn't have mentioned it and should have just carried on reading into the fantasy minds of fellow Mumsnetters!

OP posts:
QS · 09/09/2010 22:47

not really seriously contemplated. fantasizing yes, but mostly about Captain Jack Sparrow. Wink I am very much a monogamist at heart.

AnyFucker · 09/09/2010 22:48

sorry, I am badgering you

I will stop

< as you were >