Does anyone else think they are just not cut out for a relationship... like ever... as in never... for life... end of?

[LastOrdersAgain]

Because I don't think I am

Which is gutting to admit. Especially when I have a fantastic boyfriend who wants nothing more in life than me. But I'm just not 100% happy. I start arguements, and can't stand being in his company for anymore then 48hours. And I love the time I spend alone with my ds - I'm a lone parent, been with bf about 8 months, he doesn't live with me. But just love it being me and ds and can't see me ever moving out the flat that we live in. Don't want anymore dc either.

Anyone else feel like this? I think I'd be at my most happiest single. Forever.

I was thinking about this a bit on the way home from the pub - my last post probably made me sound like a thoroughgoing egotripper - but what I meant was, over the years I have done quite a few events, parties etc where I was the invited guest (am talking work, not social life) and if I brought a man he was 'and friend'. And I never met a man who could cope with very much 'and friend' without getting pissy ie telling everyone soemthing embarrassing about me, loudly complaining about being bored, generally not being prepared to even take turns at being 'plus one'.

...SGB, I will stick up for some of us...I know blokes who are chilled with being in that position (i think )

I had a (unplanned) child at 17 - split from the dad aged 21 ...and stayed single for 9 years (had the odd shagbuddy) I never thought I could be in a relationship again ... I was set in my ways, forcefully independent and loved being a single parent in my home where I could do what I wanted when I wanted to do it..... (yep here it comes...) but I did meet someone else (and even went on to have another child) ... He was a confirmed single too ....so we lead fairly separate lives (live together) but he is my best friend. I get what i need from him and him from me ....might not be everyone's idea of a great relationship but it really works for us....and we are both able to put each other first ...just not all the time ;0)

Just seen this thread. I know I am not cut out for a serious relationship. I'm 49 now and have only lived with 2 men. The first one I was married to, no DC's, and was reasonably happy but had a niggling doubt that he wasn't the 'one'. We split 23 yrs ago and apart from living with no 2 for a year or so which was really difficult for me, I've just had lots of short term relationships.

I only want them around when it suits me, leaving me feeling totally selfish. Having a child made it more obvious I would never be happy with anyone as I wanted to put her first and most men expected to come first.

I have loved being a single mum and having control over my little tip palace. Very rarely feel lonely as I have plenty of friends and family and DD is great company. Haven't gone without sex for any longer than I have chosen to either.

Do think if I met someone totally compatable then I might want the full blown couple thing but only when DD leaves home. I am aware of getting older and don't want cats!

So you are not alone OP and there is nothing wrong with it. If you bf is happy knowing that the future won't be moving in together then fine if not let him go gently.

abouteve- you are probably happier than many of our married friends.

Absolutely agree with the other posters but...
(devils advocate ) Sometimes someone comes along and you find yourself wanting all the things you never thought you would again. It can be hard to accept/deal with. Not least becausee it comes as shock and surprise (and issues with the having to deal with a man in your bed house again.).. don't make any decisions too quick...

...yes ; that could be a slippery slope...better to keep him shiny and new and far away until you need him

I suppose most single women, even if happy to remain so, do wonder if 'the one' will comes along and change everything. I'm convinced this is a myth and would be delighted to be proven wrong.

Lots of happy married people, but yes, I think longing for that that ideal partner only sets one up for disappointment?

i have found this subject really helpful as i've just finished with a bf of a year and not sure if i did the right thing!!!
my marraige ended 2 years ago. i have a 3 year old son from that marraige and i just love being single and being with my boy. i met bf a year ago after being single for a year and decided to give it ago even tho he's 31 and in that settling down phase of his life (no kids or ex wives). i did explain it's not what i wanted, just a fun fling but we fell in love! i still kept him at a distance tho and couldn't let go of my life with just me and my ds, so i let him go. i miss him, probaly not 'the one' but perfect and lovely anyway. relationship with ds's dad is stressful and now i've pushd away a good man. really don't know what i want as others have said, but am happy having nights in and days out with ds...it's the best thing ever :)

I guess that even if u are a committed single it must be nice to prune yourself for that ideal one...part of life's fantasy and illusion...why not?

I am happier being on my own at the moment. Marriage ended at Christmas so maybe its too early to feel the effects of being on my own but so far theres no doubt my quality of life is improved and the atmosphere at home is markedly different.

Of course that might be because I was with the wrong person. I love making my own decisions about the small stuff what we eat etc. Not having to constantly worry about pleasing someone else - I exaggerate to make a point !

One way or another I have so few positive couple role models and as someone said many of my married friends are compromising enormously.

...guess you can say that if you are single then you still have a lottery ticket.....but if in a bad married then you ain't playing so you can't win the big prize

Funnily enough thats what I said to my mum , while I was with him I was never going to get a chance at being with someone who I could be happy with. Love your wording though TDA

TDaDa, I like that. I suppose it depends how much you really want the support of a partner, if it's a luxury instead of a necessity you will just keep on looking. Of course some people might just be very lucky and really want it and find everything they want in a person.

I've had perfectly nice relationships with perfectly nice men, but I always found myself feeling that there was something better out there. Luckily I realised in time that there was: singledom!

... note that the lottery analogy understates the probability of meeting nice partner

I am loving this thread! I've recently come to the same conclusion, that I am actually far happier on my own than when I am riding the emotional rollercoaster of dating :D

It's very liberating to realise that my life is good just how it is, no more feeling like something (or someone) is missing, no more feeling like an outcast....I actually feel fortunate to be in charge of my own life because I am not very good at comprimising. I wonder how many couples (like myself and exH) were just putting up with their relationship through fear of being alone.

Having said all of that, I really miss intimacy, and I sometimes long to have a big strong pair of arms round me, or even just someone to chat to about my day....but not enough to contemplate living with someone again, or even being in a serious relationship :)

Actually winning the lottery would be accepatable

swallowed and mrshapely - yes, agree with your posts above