Does anyone else think they are just not cut out for a relationship... like ever... as in never... for life... end of?

[LastOrdersAgain]

Because I don't think I am

Which is gutting to admit. Especially when I have a fantastic boyfriend who wants nothing more in life than me. But I'm just not 100% happy. I start arguements, and can't stand being in his company for anymore then 48hours. And I love the time I spend alone with my ds - I'm a lone parent, been with bf about 8 months, he doesn't live with me. But just love it being me and ds and can't see me ever moving out the flat that we live in. Don't want anymore dc either.

Anyone else feel like this? I think I'd be at my most happiest single. Forever.

I love my DH. Really I do.

But truly, if he were gone tomorrow I just could not be arsed.

[lazy emoticon]

We've always lived in rented, weegie, and have a lovely, old cat.

No dogs, though.

They smell :o.

Seriously guys, thanks for your replies.

Going to sit and have a Very Sensible Talk tomorrow with him.

Its the arguments as well, they are endless.

We are both going to have to be completely honest about where we are coming from and where we are going.

Last, don't feel guilty. Why? Look at what you've achieved! A uni place on a course you love? A secure home for you and your son that you like? Puhleeze. You're, wow!

It's all about you now because you're your son's mum, too, in addition to you.

And you sound pretty a-OK to me! :).

Sounds like I'm not alone in that sentiment, either!

Some people know how to be happy whether they are alone or attached.....I think you have to find happiness from very simple things...

Sounds like you need to be frank about this.

Your post switched on a lightbulb for me. After 12 years with X - I really could not be arsed with another man's beer-breath, CD collection, footie rags and dodgy views on everything from cheese to race relations

What I need is the financial freedom to get a cleaner, someone to do the garden and regular babysitting so I can use my free time to see friends and pursue my interests (if I can bloody remember what they were!) What I don't need is some bloke cluttering the place up. I have no broody feelings (still fertile AFAIK) whatsoever.

I wouldn't mind some sort of live-out set up with someone who saw me as more than a fuck-buddy but would run a million miles from marriage or co-habitation.

I like it when dd and I have the house to ourselves. I really like it.

I would panic at the thought of being a lone parent and shouldering everything with no help but I have to admit that when dh is away on business, I feel so relaxed and well, happier. It is nice to have a breather now and again.

I couldn'treally face starting a new relationship and learning to live with another man, I think I would rather live alone tbh if it came to that.

I suppose you have to tell this man how it is for you without hurting him if possible - that you love him but you want to continue living alone

OK, I don;t know why anyone would say 'I want to be single' as though that;s a bad thing.
WRT to this man, Lastorders I would definitely say let him go as kindly as possible, but if you have to be firm, be firm. He isn't entitled to have a longterm committed relationship with you just because he wants to, if it's not what you want.
Be wary of the social pressure and the bullshit that a woman is 'incomplete' without a partner - if you tell yourself that you are being 'selfish' in refusing to commit and let him talk you into it, you will end up hating him and he will end up resenting you for not loving him 'enough' - both of you would look back and wish you had agreed to split amicably when you had the chance.

Me. One of my fantasies is to be a mad cat woman on an isolated small holding in Wales, where I never saw anybody.

I hate that my house has no space in it that is solely mine, not even my bed. Even the kids have their own rooms, but I have to share with DH.

And I am so...o fed up of DH trying to tell me what to do. It never goes well, but he just won't stop.

Lastorders if you need to ask whether you really want to commit further then you probably dont want to iyswim.

I think your future sounds really great and as several have said why wouldnt you want to be single ? It sounds like it would be far kinder to let your bf down gently and start planning for the freshers ball

This thread is interesting to me as I am stuggling to shake off the chains of conformism of being in a couple SGB I have read many of your post referring to the Noahs Ark attitude of society and how the single life is to be aspired to not feared. I always take heart and strength from those posts because since H left 8 months ago I am happier until I think about fact hes with someone else and 95% of my friends and family are married (albeit unhappily in some cases).

I find it hard to picture myself totally positively because of this and suspect I am an object of pity to many because of my situation. Not helped by the fact I am a 44 year old SAHM who now needs to get out there and build a life. On which point Lastorders I would urge to pursue your uni/dream future single mindedly so you are master of your own destiny man or no man.

Anyway I am sure you have better things to do SGB but any words on how you have such unassailable views on the positivity of singledomn would be welcome as my backbone is awol at present

I think that I am not cut out for finding somebody. I'm very normal, and could make a relationship work with a decent, good humoured man, but there are a couple of factors which I believe make it impossible.

1. men value looks first and foremost, and so even though I am not unrealistic and not looking for brad pitt, any man who is clever, confident and kind will be attractive to other women too
2. at 40 there is always going to be a younger more attractive woman standing behind me
3. I hate anything competitive. My way of dealing with it is to bow out early. Whether it's snakes and ladders, a job or a man
4. I have no money, no job and two children so I even if somebody liked me, on paper I'd sound like a vortex, even though in reality I am confident, content and busy.

Have decided to jus try and 'go forward' and be single. How hard can it be!? Easier mostly I'd guess! There mgiht be times when it's a bit lonely but so many down sides to being with somebody as well I think.

Hmm Valium at points 1 and 2 do you really think that ?

Totally agree with last sentence though ! How long have you been single ?

I have had relationships in the past (last one about 7 years ago) but have never lived with a partner and never will. I am actually quite solitary, I like to read (and write) and organise my life to suit myself.
Also I have never met a man who was prepared to put me first in the way that so many women put men first.
What probably helps me though is that a lot of my friends are not what you might call conventional.

at all the dogs and cats on here!

Can I just say, how fantastic to see a 'happy' thread in this topic and more so that it's all about people who enjoy being single.

SGB Same position as you, I have never lived with a man. Not even DSs dad as I made the decision to go it alone when 3 months pg and still living with my mum.

The thought of living with someone makes me shudder. I'm incredibly (and will happily admit it) controlling, a massive control freak and like things my way. Right down to not accepting help as I always think that no one can do it to the standard I want.

I know this all stems from being on my own and not ever living with someone, also my mum is very controlling, raised me and my DB alone, so I look at her and think if she can do it...

Just to make it clear that I am not giving up my uni place, or my flat, that was never in my thoughts at all. I hope to buy my flat in the future, so no intentions to let it go. I just fear that my independent streak will come back round and bite me on the arse in many years time when I am single, lonely and desperate for a relationship because DS is never in or around!

SGB - OH puts me first in everything he does. He has said that if I dont want anymore children, then he will learn to love DS as 'our' only, its me who worries that he will resent me. He really is a very good man, I am a horrible witch to him; rarely asking how he is, how work is, taking his thoughts and feelings into consideration. I am a very volatile person anyway, hell to live with. Hormone problems and a right PITA!

God, I'm waffling now. I really do have a wooly head right now....

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being happy on your own, and wanting to live on your own and expecting someone else to slot in to suit you. After all, if they don't want to slot in, they can slot off.

ooh did anyone read the Book of Silence by Sara Maitland? She divorced her husband and ended up living in the middle of nowhere and writes about what you are all feeling. It's great.

I love the idealised, romanticised type of long term relationships that films go on about but in reality cannot possibly think that marriage or a long, long term relationship is for me. I like my own company too much. I don't like compromising (isn't it always the woman who compromises anyway) and I change my mind all the time

TBH Lastorders it doesn;t sound like the relationship is making either you or the bloke happy so it really would be better to knock it on the head kindly, while you can.

It looks like that's that then. I have wine, take away and cigarettes. I'll let you lot guess the rest.

GettingEasier, I do think that, but although that realisation used to depress me, it no longer seems to. I just accept it now. Can't even count off-hand the number of times I thought I had some sort of connection with somebody, who then shocked me by doing a u-turn and forming a relationship with somebody younger and better looking basically. At least three times that has happened to me I think (although I am talking abuot a long time a go, over ten years.) I have been single now for 3 years. I don't see that changing, but I do not have the energy or the inclination to go out dating. Been there, done that. It was torture when I was in my 20s with no kids.

If DH was to leave me in whatever way I would be on my own as no one else would match up. An ex would do for any needs I might have .