I'm a sad dad/husband advice please

[happy46]

Hi all,
I thought I'd try to get some perspective from people who don't know me or my wife.

Firstly sorry, if I don't use all the abbreviations, as I don't know them!!

Myself and my wife have been together for 15 years. I'm 41, she's 34

We have one son who's 12.

When my son was young my wife found it very hard, and by her own admission was depressed. I was working all the hours I could so she could stay at home, as this is what we believed was best.

She went back to work full time about 3 years ago, and has worked her way up in her firm (she's a lawyer) to a respectable position.

She works so hard, but recently she's had less and less time for me. I don't think I'm demanding, or selfish, but I love her, and want a bit of her time. I work a lot of nights, so evenings off together are rare.

A few months ago, I couldn't hold back any longer, and told her I wish she'd find some time for me. She can find time for her friends and going out drinking, but even our son had noticed we were doing nothing as a family.

So we had it out, and that got us questioning our whole relationship, which put us under a lot of strain.

As time's gone on, it's got worse. She's spending more and more time out with her friends.

When we go out, she can't go with just me, we have to meet up with our friends, and then she talks to them, more or less ignoring me. She seems to enjoy male attention a bit too much.

I believe in time out apart, and used to feel great that men fancied her. She is attractive, and I never felt threatened, as we were "solid" I never check on where she's been or who she's been talking too, as I figure, we're both allowed a bit of privacy.

I've got a great set of mates, and like nothing more than going out with them, which she is fine with, and to be fair I enjoy chatting to women in pubs/clubs etc, but never miss-behave.

When we talk, we never argue, she says she loves me, and I love her. We?ve both changed a bit in 15 years, as you would, but I can?t seem to make her happy any more.

I?ve got a lot of hobbies, I?m in a cycle club, I play for a local football team (veterans!!) so I think I?m quite balanced, and we spend some quality time?. Apart!!

I?m not scared of being on my own, or even of us splitting up, which we have spoken about, I?m just so sad that it?s all going wrong.

We?ve been through so many hard times over the years with all sorts of issues, but remained solid, I?m so upset we can?t seem to get on.

Whenever we try to talk it turns a bit heavy, and one or both of us end up crying.

I know it?s a bit of a rant, and all over the place, but I just typed it as it came into my head.

Any advice from a female perspective would be so welcome.

No, DF.

Amazingly, he's not as yet. Perhaps he's doing the housework.

I'm not surprised he didn't come back given the tone of the vast majority of the responses I've seen on here, barring purplepeony and a few others.

Why not just ignore him if you think the OP isn't genuine? But some of you rather seem to enjoy calling him names and making snidey remarks.

FGS, it's not like he's posted asking the best way to give head, is it? And, if he had, so what???

meh.

i think it's really crap when people keep harping on about trolls what-the-fuck-ever.

just state your suspicions and move on. keep an eye on this if need be. but no need to be so bloody awful.

some benefit of the doubt should be given. this guy might get some really helpful advice.

don't bring baggage on here.

I agree 100% with MabelMay.

I think a few men haters have lost control of themselves in this thread.

footlong, haven't you measured your nob in the last 5 minutes ?

you really are slacking...

AF. On form I see.

AF

wow, what a horrible thread.

Jeez. It's threads like this that give MN a bad name.

As MabelMay says - if you think a post is a troll, just move on.

OP: Have you tried asking her why she doesn't want to spend any time alone with you?

It's possible that she finds she doesn't have much to say to you, or that you don't have much in common any more. If this is true, it will be hard to hear, but it's worth hearing because at least it then gives you something to work on.

Do you spend time alone together without going out? Even if it's just in front of the TV or doing the washing up together. If not, how come... is one or other of you always out?

what a cynical bunch of man haters - the mind boggles at how some women manage to get pregnant in the first place

assuming the op is genuine as it all sounds perfectly reasonable and real to me, living here in the real world with other like minded adults...
if it's been going on this long and wife is making no effort to sort out the relationship then there are obviously deeper issues she needs to deal with. if she won't recognise them and deal with them herself, or with your help then she needs to accept what she is doing to you and get professional relationship help. if she's avoiding spending time alone as man and wife then what kind of marriage is that? for a decent marriage to work then you need time together at least once a week - like going on a date when you first met. what kind of future will you have when your son moves out and it's just the 2 of you? what kind of example is this setting to him. once day he'll hopefully have a wife of his own and he'll learn about how a marriage works by looking at his own parents marriage.

get professional help, if she won't agree then give her an ultimatum. it's no relationship if she treats you like a glorified babysitter/cleaner/handyman.

"the mind boggles at how some women manage to get pregnant in the first place"

jesus Christ. What a twatty thing to say!

naturalbaby

I have an un-natural baby...I used a turkeybaster, you santimonious cow

< awaits deletion >

AF - before you get deleted, just thought I'd applaud you.

'the mind boggles at how some women manage to get pregnant in the first place'

What an utterly vile thing to say.

I'm sorry. I don't get why naturalbaby's mild reproof is causing such righteous indignation and name-calling; and yet the vitriol/bitching/snide remarks directed at the OP were being applauded by so many of you...

double standards?

eh ? why haven't I been deleted ?

"I work a lot of nights, so evenings off together are rare...I?ve got a lot of hobbies, I?m in a cycle club, I play for a local football team (veterans!!) so I think I?m quite balanced, and we spend some quality time?. Apart!!"

You don't sound any less busy than she is. Are you prepared to make more time for your relationship, or do you just wnat her to?

I think she is avoiding you. Stop badmouthing her to your friends and talk to her, your marriage is in trouble.

naturalbaby - they fuck.

HTH

Those of you who've taken the time to offer guidance thank you for your comments.

Those of you who've actually taken time out of your lives to throw insults... get a life!!

We've talked quite a bit recently, and found some common ground. We've spent a few nights on the couch, just talking, and I understand things have changed between us, and it may not go back to what it was. That said, sometimes I think there's enough there to keep us together. Then other times, I feel the despair that it's all going to end in tears.

Time will tell.

Wish there were "like" and "dislike" buttons on here!!

Don't mean to be rude but... it does not sound like she wants to spend any alone time with you, that's why she makes excuses.

That will teach me not to be lazy and read all the thread.