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Original poster

Im on maternity so im on holiday? Really?

33 replies

maymunoc · 29/08/2010 23:01

1st time on here so sorry bout lack of abbreviations.

Do all men think that being on MA is just like bing on holiday and so completely alludes them as 2 why ur house doent look like Hopwells showroom and u dont look like u've just stepped off a catwalk & the last thing u want at night, when u finaly poor urself into bed is sex.

or..... am I really not coping with motherhood very well?

OP posts:
PrettyFeckinVacant · 29/08/2010 23:14

No, it is bloody hard work - especially the first time when it is all new and you are just getting used to this new person that you have to look after 24/7.

If your partner is giving you a hard time then get them to look after baby for a few days and then they can see what it is all about Smile

Marchpane · 29/08/2010 23:17

Yy. Give your dh the baby and then feck off out for an hour of two. Nothing like a reality check to show him that it's bloody hard work.

Original poster
maymunoc · 29/08/2010 23:26

I have actually left him 4 a few days but ive taken dd.
He seems 2 think thats it ok 2 go 2 the pub straight from work & not come home until the next day & turn ur phone off without even telling me he was going 2 the pub (& its becoming a habbit)
He doesnt know where we r or when we're coming home)
Just sat here analysing my life right now.

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 30/08/2010 08:23

Yes, in your position so would I.

It does take men (hopelessly generalising here) a little while to "get" the idea their life has irrevocably changed. How old is your DD now?

Manda25 · 30/08/2010 09:55

In answer to your question. No not all men are like this. Sorry it is crap for you.

Ineedsomesleep · 30/08/2010 09:57

Erm no, its probably some of the hardest few months most women go through.

Hope you get it sorted one way or another.

moondog · 30/08/2010 09:58

No textspeak please.

Ineedsomesleep · 30/08/2010 10:00

Moondog did you mean me?

moondog · 30/08/2010 10:05

No, the OP.

Ineedsomesleep · 30/08/2010 10:07

That's ok then, not ok on textspeak myself and erm is just me saying erm Smile

moondog · 30/08/2010 10:15

Did you think I was freaking about 'erm'?
You nutter. Grin

LadyBiscuit · 30/08/2010 10:17

He sounds like a twat.

Ineedsomesleep · 30/08/2010 10:23

Think my hormonal state is finally affecting my MNing Blush

Normal service will resume in a few days. My hormones will settle down and DS returns to school on Thursday. As lovely the school holidays have been I need a break!

LadyLapsang · 30/08/2010 11:46

It's not only men who think like this. I remember on my first day home from hospital with DS, my single childless friend called and asked me to collect her dry cleaning for a hot date as I 'wasn't doing anything', we laugh about it now!

pommedeterre · 30/08/2010 12:26

My FIL said to me on day 4 'Oh, every day will be like a bank holiday for you from now on'. Ha.

Original poster
maymunoc · 30/08/2010 12:36

My DD is nearly 7 months now & although it seems like yesterday when she was this tiny little thing the time has been like a sentence.

I know that sounds really bad but I can not enjoy my time with her when, while she is awake Im just thinking of ways 2 keep her occupied so I can get things done & counting down the time until she goes down again so that I can get more stuff done. While she is asleep all I am thinking is how much I can get done b4 she wakes again. so I dont get moaned at when not so D H gets home (eventually) about all the things that I have not done or all the things that need to b done. It should b a case of when she wakes up I should b thinking brill, what can we do with the time we have until she gets tired & has her nap.

My friend thinks im suffring from PND but im not, Im suffering from new mum useless partner/father depression.

I dont know what 2 do, I just know I cant live like this any longer.

OP posts:
Marchpane · 30/08/2010 13:19

You poor thing. It does sound like he is a knob. Did he ever pull his weight before you had a baby?

I know of men like this (my dh wouldn't dream of such chauvenistic behaviour) and one friend left him eventually after a long wait for counselling but the majority have stayed and either made tacit decisions to co-parent with someone else (most often mother), gone back to work asap to get some childcare and domestic help or put up with it and made and decided to just have one child.

OP what conversations have you had with him about pulling his weight? Have you spelt it out really, really clearly? How much childcare has he done on his own?

Ultimately what do you want to happen?

Ineedsomesleep · 30/08/2010 15:08

It does sound like he is a real knob. The decision is up to you, do you want to stay? Do you think he will change his behaviour? Have you got a plan if you split up?

Original poster
maymunoc · 30/08/2010 15:33

I have cried, begged & demanded some help. Have been very specific but its not just chores as 2 why our relatioinship is failing. I think it goes so much deeper. Right to the very core of our relationship.

We r very different but so alike & the start of our relationship was very difficult 4 many reasons & then I got pregnant 6months into an already troubled relationship.

I do love him very much & want 2 make it work but it takes 2.

He says its what he wants but nothing changes, everything carries on as normal & then he pulls another stunt like Fri night and here we r again.

I have never packed up & left b4 thought ha ha this is a 1st. :)

OP posts:
Marchpane · 30/08/2010 15:41

I think you both need to get some counselling.

My friend who left her husband described her situation as having two children. Her xh would go out as if he didn't have a family and was basically behaving like a lodger.

I don't know why some men are incapable of manning up to their responsibilities. Thankfully I think they are in the minority these days.

If you both want to make it work you both need to get help. You'll also find it very useful if you decide to split up. Contact your local Relate centre and get the ball rolling.

Original poster
maymunoc · 30/08/2010 17:32

Sounds exactly my dh.

I have suggested we meet 4 a drink tomorrow night & talk. (without dd).

OP posts:
Bumperlicious · 30/08/2010 18:09

This is not about you coping, it's about your DH's unrealistic expectations and your inability to meet them.

All men don't think like this. DH would rather I put my feet up during nap time, or spent the day playing with DD rather than do housework.

The going out to the pub thing and not even telling you is just lack of respect for you. Your child is his responsibility too, and after work you should be sharing childcare duties and housework duties.

Sounds like his life hasn't had to change very much with having a baby but yours has.

Hope your talk goes ok. Show him this thread if you think it would help (wouldn't with my DH, as he hates me talking about him on here, but sounds like he needs a good sharp shock.)

Original poster
maymunoc · 30/08/2010 18:52

He does actually tell me 2 take a break sometimes but then he moans like hell about things that have not been done.

Ill spend a day solid getting through all the ironing. He will say well done 4 getting so much done and then about half an hour later he will be moaning that the hoovering hasnt been done.

Dont know if tomorrow is a go. Its his b-day tmrrw & wants 2 c her on his b-day. I have told him he can pick her up 4 an hour after work.

He has not replied yet. I think the thought of having DD 4 an hour on his own while she is awake has scared the poo out of him. ha ha ha

OP posts:
CheckingCheques · 30/08/2010 20:07

Not trying to be flippant, but when he moans about things not being done have you ever said "the hoover is in the cupboard under the stairs..."

And are you planning to go back to work? If so, have you talked about about childcare. Might be worth pointing out that he would not expect a childminder to spend the time you are paying them for to iron and hoover, as opposed to playing with and cuddling your baby

Yanbu. He sounds like a selfish git. Hope you manage to get it sorted. Be careful about what you threaten - only threaten what yiu really mean, or he will sense it, and it will undermine your position even more.

Original poster
maymunoc · 31/08/2010 00:30

We have had a few tx today, he said that he loves us both very much, misses us so much it hurts & wants us to make it work as a family. He has even gone 2 bed with 1 of DD's teddies.

And he asked me 2 go home. Ahhh ahhh bless him!

I said no im not ready, we will talk tmrrw & c where we go.

tmrrw night is his b-day....... suddenly he tx wed would b better. Give relationship some serious thought.

(what he really saying is its my bday & would rather go out & get wasted with the boys....... again!!!!!!!!!!!)

Am I looking 2 much into this???

OP posts:
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