Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

About to give birth and found out that DP has been 'stealing' my painkillers...

39 replies

leavinglasvegas · 28/08/2010 21:36

Am just feeling incredibly let down and worried at present.

Potted history- am currently 39 weeks pregnant, terrified about giving birth to DC2 (can't say I had a 'traumatic' birth with DC1 but am just very afraid of the pain which was unbearable last time). Also live about 45 mins to hospital and am relying on DP to get me there safely.

When I was 3 month pregnantish I needed some very strong painkillers (codeine) for a flare up of a medical condition, luckily I only had to take a few but for some reason the GP gave me a Prescription for about 150, these have been put in a safe place in our home away from DC1. Dpknows they are addicitve as I've said a number of times 'dont take those for x y or z as they are too strong etc'.

Well last week I found one randomly on the lounge carpet where DC1 was playing. DP eventually admitted he had taken a few of the pills for 'pain' but could not account for how a tablet had come to be on the floor.

Last night I 'caught' him rustling around in the kitvhen and thought i saw him put something in one of the cupboards- had a quick look but couldnt see what.

This a.m I found him frantically searching in the cupboard- I asked him what he was up to and at first he lied and said he had put some of his own medication in there (although there would be no sensible reason for him to do this) he then accused me of 'taking' it out of the cupboard to 'punish' him. By this point I was very upset as was worried he had dropped or misplaced the medication, which he wouldnt admit to what it was, and would potentially be found by DC1.

He then popped out and whilst he was gone I checked the codeine tablets- to my horror he has finished off nearly all of them, nearly 150 tablets. I am not sure when he started taking them so cannot be certain of how many he has been taking a day.

Recently he has also been drinking a bottle of wine every night and basically by 8/8.30 every night he is in a deep sleep on the sofa, extremely difficult to wake up etc, so in terms of adult company I am on my own every evening. he has been saying its becaise he is so tired from work etc etc but it is clear to me know that it has been the combination of alcohol and medication. I am feeling really angry now and let down.

He has admitted to taking the pills now although still doesnt 'get' why I'm so upset as he says I wasn't going to need the pills (true but thats not the point). He says he has been taking them as he finds life 'hard', work v stressful etc etc.

Not sure what I want/need people to say really, maybe just some different perspectives on this behaviour and for me to know I am not 'unreasonable' for thinking it is not 'ok' for him to be doing this.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 28/08/2010 21:42
Sad

That really is not OK. I don't know what to say but some wise Mumsnetter will be along to give you some proper advice.

BitOfFun · 28/08/2010 21:44

Not OK. He is abusing prescription drugs, basically. Does he think he is Matthew Perry?

BitOfFun · 28/08/2010 21:44

In fact, could he BE any more unreasonable?

UnePrune · 28/08/2010 21:46

Can you get him to see a GP? He needs proper help.

BecauseImWorthIt · 28/08/2010 21:46

Codeine is very addictive, and if he was looking for them 'frantically' as you say, this would suggest that he has a problem.

Combined with the alcohol this is even more worrying.

I'm sorry Sad but I think he has a problem here that you must talk to him about.

You are certainly not being unreasonable to thinking this is not ok.

If he's finding work stressful, then there is no need to be taking painkillers.

Tiredmumno1 · 28/08/2010 21:46

Have you asked him what he is going to do now you have found out and that he wont be able to take anymore.

as you know they shouldnt be taken with alcohol, its not fair on you either, they were prescribed to you, so really he should have known better.

as long as he does not carry on taking any other medications for the sake of it. then maybe let it lie, however keep a close eye out still.

also have words about limiting the drink aswell.

sorry you are having to deal with this.

leavinglasvegas · 28/08/2010 21:47

Thanks for replying CF. Dp is generally a 'good'person, hardworking, good with DC1, does a lot around the house, but emotionally it seems to be 'all about him'. He had a tough childhood and suffers depression because of it. But I am feeling emotionally exhausted now, just cant deal with this on top of everything else Sad

OP posts:
leavinglasvegas · 28/08/2010 21:51

THanks for the replies. I have no0w disposed of the rest of the tablets, am really worried about how he will be if he suffers 'withdrawral' which I supect he might to a lesser or greater extent. He is not going to make an ideal birth partner at any rate is he. Feel like asking him to stay away at the birth but deep down I think that would be unkind and it would be difficult to justify to DC2 in years to come, why his dad was at DC1's bith but not his.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 28/08/2010 21:51

unfortunately lots of people misuse prescription meds
if he has taken a few tablets here and there over 6 months then he may not have an addiction
it will also depend on the strength etc

the problem is that he was using them to self medicate and didn't discuss it with you
also shouldn't be using your meds obviously

it sounds as though he needs help

Tiredmumno1 · 28/08/2010 21:52

You really need to tell him to stop thinking about himself, but to think of you.

you are the one who needs the support at the moment.

you shouldnt be having to go through this

Tiredmumno1 · 28/08/2010 21:52

You really need to tell him to stop thinking about himself, but to think of you.

you are the one who needs the support at the moment.

you shouldnt be having to go through this

UnePrune · 28/08/2010 21:53

Can you get a doula to be at the birth as well as him? She would take the pressure off both of you.

Tiredmumno1 · 28/08/2010 21:54

Soz bout that Blush

BecauseImWorthIt · 28/08/2010 21:54

But even if you've thrown yours away, he can still go and buy it. Solpadeine and Nurofen Plus both contain codeine and they are freely available from the pharmacy.

If he switches to something like Solpadeine you have even more of a worry, as they contain paracetamol and too much of that can be even more dangerous.

You have to talk to him about this.

Tiredmumno1 · 28/08/2010 21:57

Good point becauseimworthit, if he can get it over the counter thats not good.

get rid of anything like that in the house

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/08/2010 22:00

You can talk to him certainly about his dependency on both codeine and alcohol but it may not get you anywhere and he may well accuse you of "nagging" him.

He took medication meant specifically for you. That is wrong for a start.

If he is using such things to blot out his depression he is basically self medicating it. Its not working; he's just ending up now with even more problems. Alcohol too is a depressant and if he is using codeine as well the alcohol will accentuate its effects and get into his system quicker. It will damage him physically. He needs to find other healthier ways to deal with his tough childhood, what he is doing now could put him in an early grave.

Ultimately you have to protect your own self and your children here because you could well end up getting dragged down with him.

Regarding the pill on the floor he was probably taking these tablets in your lounge and dropped it. Fortunately your son did not swallow it.

A website called "Overcount" are helpful with regards to OTC (over the counter) abuses; the GP may be able to help you as well. Please talk to your GP about your partner's problem asap. You need help and support too.

leavinglasvegas · 28/08/2010 22:02

Hello 'because', I don't hink he will actively seek out alternatives (I could be wrong but he never buys otc drugs, he just suffers /moans/waits for me to get something). I wonder if he has been 'ramping up' the codeine intake over the last few weeks as he has not been 'allowed' to drink due to needing to be able to get me to hospital. Obviously any sensible person would realise that being dosed up on codeine isnt great for driving either.

Tried to discuss with him earlier and his explanation was that he is finding life 'tough' (he always has said this mind you!) and that he has an addictive personality!!!

I would be keen on a doula but cant afford one and have left it a bit late now I think.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/08/2010 22:02

www.over-count.org.uk

Am very sorry you are dealing with this.

Tiredmumno1 · 28/08/2010 22:04

You also mentioned he has medication himself.

what kind of medication?

if you dont mind me asking

AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/08/2010 22:07

Hi leaving,

re your comment:-

"Hello 'because', I don't hink he will actively seek out alternatives (I could be wrong but he never buys otc drugs, he just suffers /moans/waits for me to get something"

Waits for you to get what exactly?.

He also admitting he has an "addictive personality" as he puts it is also very bad news for you. He is certainly no ideal role model for the children is he?. Or you come to mention it.

emmyloulou · 28/08/2010 22:09

Codeine is VVVVVV addictive.

He has a problem, now you need to see if he accepts that and go from there.

No it's not acceptable I had a lot of codeine in my last pregnancy and god I needed it.

BecauseImWorthIt · 28/08/2010 22:12

If he is addicted to it, then he will be motivated to go and buy it for himself.

leavinglasvegas · 28/08/2010 22:14

He is on antidepressants, interestingly his alcohol intake etc has increased significantly since he has been on these (last 5/6 months).

He says he still feels depressed although i am fairly sure it is more a product of his family and childhood history rather than a clinical type of depression, as he has always maintained normal eating, sleeping working patterns etc. he refuses to try therapy, partly due to cost (although we could afford it if he wanted to give it a go) and also I think a fear of where it will lead him.

OP posts:
leavinglasvegas · 28/08/2010 22:19

Hi Attila, what I meant was that if he is ill he will 'suffer' rather than go to chemist/gp and get something. What I anticpate happening now I have disposed of the easy codeine source is that he will be hell whilst he 'withdraws' but then he will just do without.

I suppose I feel that in a way he has been 'lying' to me for weeks/months, saying he is mega tired etc hence the nightly crashing out, when in fact it has been of his own sodding making.

I feel really lonely to be honest.

OP posts:
Tiredmumno1 · 28/08/2010 22:21

So you are saying he was taking his meds, your meds and alcohol at the same time,

he really needs to see this a real problem,

do you have anyone else as an emergency back up for the birth?

Swipe left for the next trending thread