Is this common, rare or quite bizarre - warning controversial

[dejavuaswell]

If the published statistics on adult web sites are to be believed then one of the favourite catagories is those showing spanking/caning and similar.

Does this mean that most DH's would like to do this sort of thing to us - consensually obviously - and do we ever agree?

Erm, why is it weird or bizzare?

i guess it depends what they mean by spanking - if it's being tied up in a dungeon and caned by a dominatrix in pvc, then, no, probably not. but most of the men i've slept with have definitely liked a bit of, ahem, rough & tumble.

"most DH's"
"Do we ever agree"

We're all different - you know this so I dont get the point of the question.

I think that it is something to the more extreme level of bedroom fun.

I think that most of the people that watch interent porn do so to see the kind of things they see in fantasy. i doubt there are many men who want to see plain old missionary postion in a porno.

i think that the reason the numbers are higher for the things that are more niche is also because the same people go back tie and time again as it is something they may not be able to access at home.

I do think it is becoming more acceptable to participate in some light (or not so) BDSM though

Of your options, I would say common .

Spanking's very tame as sexual activities go and yes, I love it.

Plenty of women spank men too, the lovehoney forums are full of couples who like to spank and/or be spanked.

Ah, I knew your bat phone would go off for a spanking thread, Mal

reality will be over in a minute to talk chips dips chains and whips

You have to think a bit about what statistics mean before you reach any conclusions.

1. the sample only consists of people who go onto adult websites anyway, which does not include everyone

1. "one of the favourite categories" doesn't mean that most people on the site go to that section - did it give percentages?

1. people may well go onto websites to look for things which they can't see/experience in other places. So they may be happily buying lads mags for "ordinary" stuff, but going onto adult websites when they want to see something "different"

So, it doesn't follow that "most" men would like to do this.

OTOH a percentage of them probably would like to - so long as it doesn't go too far, what's the harm. It's like the old saying about tickling with a feather being ok, it only counts as perversion when you use a whole chicken.

A bit of playful "slap & tickle" is a long way from ball-gags and whips. Which are fine too, but only if you both want to.

Spanking can be fun for both partners to give and receive! ...and nipping, gentle flicking and pinching, hair tugging, etc.

In a state of sexual arousal these things tingle, not hurt.

Very mild and common play, really.

Some people like pain, that's a slightly more 'specialised' area but each to their own!

I honestly can't imagine how boring sex would be without these things, TBH

I mean, how on earth else would you pass all those hours?!

I like biting dh.

The reason I posed the question is that spanking/caning seems to be a topic that is never mentioned in the circles I live in - note to self must get out more!

I can remember the most detailed descriptions of BJ's on this very site but not a word on consensua spanking et al.

Ah, but it's not just spanking - there are lots of different types apparently.

To me, spanking is the purest form, i.e. with a bare hand and nothing else, in fact nothing else "does it" for me, but only as part of, or as a precursor to sex, not as a stand alone act, although he will affectionately slap my bum in passing fairly often.

To others, spanking encompasses crops/paddles/floggers etc. Whatever floats your boat really.

I actually quite fancy nipple clamps but DH reckons he does a better job himself, I think he would be tempted to pull a bit too hard on them .

OMG, I had forgotten how good a controlled caning could be!!
DH and I have not done this for years, probably before children came along. It is like being drunk but without the hangover and without spending any money.

Start gently and only gradually get harder. This gives the endorphins time to kick in which will give you an amazing high and will stop any pain. However much DH wants to don't go beyond the tramlines stage! (Except as a special treat!) This is when each stroke creates a double line on the target area. Any harder will tend to leave raised marks that might still hurt a bit after the endorphins have worn off!

You want to do horizontal not vertical hits so none of the lying face down on the bed technique. Bending over the back of a sturdy armchair worked best for me. Err, when I was younger I didn't need the chair but the years have taken their toll.

Do it right and when you stand up you will both feel like a honeymoon couple again.

I'm confused, OP - that's a VERY different post to your first!

I think she was treading lightly just in case everyone went "oh no! how horrible and warped you must be! "

It doesn't have to be something someone wants do, it can just as easily be something someone wants done (although I now see OP has done a 'tadaaa!' post that means I don't have to get huffy about the idea that women are special fragile flowers who are the innocent recipients of their DPs sordid lust. Or something)

everyones different and not all men look at porn

lol at Mal's batphone.

I love it rough : ) not odd weird or perverse at all. In fact it's a whole lot of fun.

I think "thought so, but hoped not" sums it up.

If you look for first hand advice on almost any sexual activity you can think of you will find it on Mumsnet. Except for caning it appears. Not good enough girls!

Right class, pay attention.

STOP TALKING AT THE BACK.

Jones, put that vibrator away, NOW.

Eight key points
The effect of a well contolled caning is not quite as good as an orgasm but it lasts for minutes not seconds.

The increased blood flow to your, err pelvic regions, will make any subsequent sex much better.

The only uncomfortable part might be the first couple of minutes before the endorphins start to flow. The key is for DH to cane you hard enough to sting but not hard enough to hurt.

You will suddenly feel like a mixture of drunk, drugged and "gas and aired". You will still feel the cane land but no more than that.

DH needs to know when you have reached this stage but trust me you will not be able to have a deep meaningful conversation at this point. I hold a hankie in a clenched first and when I drop it he knows.

The next stage needs practice. Basically the endorphins will start to wear off unless the caning gradually (key word) gets harder. I think it must be more nerve stimulation causes more endorphins production.

Eventually the strokes will go past the tram line stage and will start to created raised lines and that is probably the time the stop. You need to trust your DH to realise when you have got to this stage and to feel confident that he will stop.

Straps are useless since they are too hard to control. Garden canes, a la Garden Centre, tend to be too rigid but at least come in a range of weights and diameters. A riding crop used to be good but I don't own one any more. What you need is something more like an old fashioned school cane.

Come on girls - somebody must have been brave enough to have a go at caning for the first time!

Yes, we've all got old school canes hanging about in the back of the cupboard.

Telling people that riding crops can be used is stupid misguided, the crops you use for horses can split human skin quite easily, sex-toy crops are meant for the purpose.

It's nothing to do with being brave either, you either fancy it or you don't and nobody is going to try caning without having first played around with light spanking or flogging.

Yes to spanking, No to caning, personally.

why do you want to know? Have you ever been caned by your husband? Care to tell us about it. Go on - you go first.