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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Please Help - Want to Leave Him

65 replies

silveryfox · 26/08/2010 01:31

Hi - I've name changed because this is a big thing, not sure if I have the balls to go through with it, but want to - so much.

I feel our marriage is over, but I am scared about leaving. I don't know how or if I would cope on my own. I earn a reasonable wage, but we have quite a large joint debt. He earns twice what I do, I have no idea of benefits I might be entitled to as a single mother, not sure how things are in terms of benefits since the changes have started to be brought in, scared I'll be dooming my baby boy to live in a situation where we have no money, dooming myself too.

We've tried to shore this marriage up for the last 2 to 3 years, separated for about 6 mths last year while I was pregnant but got back together again and agreed we'd give it another go for the sake of the baby. But its now clear to me it really is over - for me anyway.

He seems to have no problem living with the rows. It feels like we're flogging a dead horse. I've been feeling for a long time like I am just not interested in the physical side anymore - and I thought it was because I was so tired from bringing up our son/working full time, etc. I am now having extremely strong feelings for a guy at work - one of my senior managers actually, and I've discovered in the last couple of weeks that its not my libido thats gone south, its my feelings for my husband - this is nothing to do with me fancying my manager, I was feeling like this before I went back to work. My senior manager has made it clear he fancies me and I've been bouncing off the walls ever since - my smile has returned.

He joined my department 2 yrs ago just before I conceived and we flirted but that was it. Nothing more than that. I thought that being out of the office on Maternity Leave and away from him for the 52 weeks would mean my attraction for him would wane and I welcomed that. However, I've been back at work full time now for around 8 weeks and it is still there - if not stronger.

Quite apart from the fact that he's married/I'm married/we both have young children (I'm not intending this to go any further) it has made me realise that my relationship (for me anyway) is dead - I care about him, but it just isn't working.

I never looked at another man before now, but whereas before when my husband worked long hours I would feel really upset that he wasn't here (and if I dared to tell him I missed him and wished he was here and not working late - again, I would get it in the neck from him for not understanding - he has a very bad temper which is made worse if he feels guilty about something i.e. working late, etc.)now when he works late and I don't miss him or get upset, he now gets upset that I don't.

I care about him - we;ve been together for over 5 years, but I'm not in love with him, we can't seem to find any harmony together, we have completely differnt outlooks on life, which have only got worse since my son was born - I've gone into full blown mother mode.

Whereas my priorities are that we are all safe/warm and fed and physically safe, and I don't care too much about things like cars/keys/gadgets, etc. (some of this is due to baby-brain and I have occasionally forgotten to lock the car while dealing with a hungry baby and supermarket bags/trying to get the baby fed and into bed at a reasonable time, after having doen a full day's work. I often don't get to eat until past 9pm) he only cares about security of things like cars/keys/gadgets, etc. Its ok for him to break something, as long as no one else touches "his things" - i.e. car/house, etc) He is very insecure and thinks everyone is out to get him - he's always been like this - I recently misplaced my car keys in the house and it took 10 mins for me to find them again. In that time he had us changing all the locks on the house, changing the keys to the car, etc. because he thought I'd left them in the car on the drive and that som3eone in the few mins I was away from the car looking for them in the house (they weren't - they were on my bed upstairs) had stolen then and was waiting for us to go out so they could ransack the house! He ranted and raved for 30 mins about that and it got so out of hand we had to cancel our day out. He admits now he went overboard, but its just one of many "overboard incidents".

I've recently been in hospital as an emergency case with gall stones - I had them out at the weekend and am now at home supposedly recovering. However, this is not really happening as he refuses to make sacrifices as far as his job is concerned. I am unable to lift the baby due to my stomach muscles having 4 holes in them from the keyhole surgery and yet he won't come home early to help with bathing the baby and putting him to bed/leave the house later in the morning to take the baby to nursery. We've had to rely on my friends' good natures and ask them to take him to and from nursery until I can drive again.

Another issue is we've slept apart for the last few years as he snores incredibly loudly - this is down to him being morbidly obese. He's promised me so many times over the years he wants to do something about it as we have both said we want to be able to sleep in the same bed again - but he keeps eating takeaways, McDonalds, etc. etc.

I buy all sorts of healthy stuff for the fridge and cupboards, but what I don't eat gets thrown away because he won't eat it.

I don't know if these things sound really petty, or whether I sound like i'm making excuses, but having rediscovered my feelings and that I'm not actually closed off, I'm feeling realy suffocated. But I'm scared. I've not been on my own for over 5 years.

I have a baby now that I'm responsible for. I've never had any experience of the benefits system so don't have a clue about tax credits/childcare vouchers, etc. My family lives a long way away, and I don't have a great relationship with them so its not like I can turn to them for support or advice.

Can anyone advise me? Please? I've stayed and we've tried to make it work but I'm now worried about the affect all the rowing etc is haivng on my baby - he's 15 mths old now and is starting to talk and surely understand whats going on/understand that this is not a happy home.

Sorry this is an extremely long post - I started out just wanting advice on how to leave, and ended up writing an essay! My apologies. Guess it was good to get some of it out! Theres lots more, but didn't want to bore anyone more than I have already! If you've got this far, thanks for reading.

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 04/10/2010 20:31

Silvery Sad at your thread god he sounds beyond contempt.

Hire a hitman.

Failing that I agree stop listening to him and his predictions of what will happen and find out for yourself from the places others who know about this sort of thing than me have posted.

silveryfox · 04/10/2010 21:54

Hi - thanks again for your advice. No I haven't told my GP because I feel she will just think I'm making it all up as I went back to him before or that I should have thought about that when i went back to him. I don't know!!

Incidentally, he has come in tonight from work and said he's giving me a maximum of a month to decide what I want to do, whether I want to try again (WTF??) as if I do he's willing to forget these past few weeks and for us to be a family again (er, NO! I do NOT want to try again!!) but after that time I must be out of the house as quickly as possible and he will not be bailing me out, or letting me come back into a relationship with him, as he cannot live like this anymore, hanging on a string to be waved about on my every whim! (FGS! Thats what I said to him in the first place!) He says however, that he wants full disclosure on what benefits I will be getting, how I intend to move out and continue to pay half of the mortgage, bills and this stupid loan he got.

He also said he's decided he will be taking the baby up to his parents for XMas (we live south of London/Surrey and his parents and whole family live in Gateshead). Because of this he will also be taking the car - no mention of how long he intends to be away for, but as far as I'm concerned the baby is too young to be away from me for such a long time (we're talking about probably longer than a week possibly two) and the distance is too far. I didn't bother to try to get into that with him because I knew I couldn't win and I'm too damn tired at this time of night after being up in the night, getting up at 6am for the morning bottle and to get ready to go to work, doing a whole day's work then coming home and doing the single parent thing all over again - on top of all that I had sorted his flipping dinner out again!

Once he'd said all this to me I told him he could dish his own dinner out and he said he didn't want it! Fair enough. Go hungry I thought!

Re. the money sideof things, I'm going to try to call my company's ICAS-provided employee assistance helpline to see if I can get any good news re. me having to pay half of everything. We obviously cannot live under the same roof, but if I have a child to look after surely they can't force me? I#m at the point where I almost don't care about the house - he's welcome to it. Like I said he's ruined all my hard work anyway.

I did try to use the entitledto website but used the figures the original tax credit helpline assistant gave me (after allegedly working it out from my salary, SMP, etc) so the figures obviously came out wrong. I will just have to go when the time comes and struggle on what little money I do get. My H did also say he would be giving me the bare minimum he absolutely had to give me under the law and no more. I know you've all been trying to advise me and I'm grateful for that, but whereas I had been feeling hopeful and confident about the future, now I'm not! I feel really low again! Only my office crush is keeping me smiling - and even thats only when I'm in the office! On top of all that, I'm having to maintain this pretence that nothing's wrong as my two bosses got involved last time we split up and I don't think they'd be very happy at the thought that things could go very wrong again as it contributed to pre-natal depression before. Sad

OP posts:
ItsGraceAgain · 04/10/2010 22:39

I would advise talking to your GP. Take a printout of your posts along, if you're embarrassed to say it all out loud.

You and H own your house equally - unfortunate in one way, but it does mean you own half a stake in a house ... as he's likely to trash it, that might not be much but it's better than nowt. I'm not sure where the police would stand on this threat to abduct your baby, but I feel very strongly that you ought to contact their DV person. As someone else said, your treasure of an H is a living compendium of domestic abuse and the sooner you register your concerns, the better. Depending on the quality of your local service, they may even have some great advice & contacts for you.

I was going to suggest calling your employee services people. They're not generally too bright when it comes to marital 'issues' - though you might get lucky! - but can definitely give you basic legal advice. Does your scheme also include counselling? Could be helpful.

It's nice that Mr.Other is cheering up your days - but for god's sake don't go there! It is so the wrong time, place, person. Sort the crap out first, please! x

silveryfox · 04/10/2010 23:04

Yes - thanks for that IGA!! Grin seeing his lopsided naughty grin (a la Harrison Ford) everyday keeps my pulse rate up and able to forget Mr (so-not) Wonderful for 8 or 9 hours each day!!

Do you really think H is abusive? He blows up everytime I show concern for his temper but he says thats because I'm questioning his temper/motives/saying he;s abusive when he's not! I just don't know anymore and tbh I don't think I can cope with the visits to the appts at the community mental wellbeing place again - what with working full time and being on duty 24/7. I suffered so much from his friends and family because I went down that route last time - and as I've said he puts on such a good show - either that or everyone is in denial about him.

I know its unrealistic but god I wish I could just cut him out of my life forever. Yes, i know thats impossible if only for the sake of the baby (who's 16 mths by the way).

He said he would be sleeping in the same room as our baby when he takes him home at xmas - big deal. He doesnt even hear me most of the time when I'm talking to him and he's awake! On top of that I know he'll want to go out drinking with his brother and old mates to catch up which will mean a)his mother will be looking after my baby - she's ok but I don't trust her to know how to look after him the way I'd want and b)he doesn't even wake up (husband) when he's not been drinking - its 10 times worse when he has! God!! How can I stop him taking him though?? He's his dad!

OP posts:
gettingeasier · 04/10/2010 23:28

Silvery you are a well spoken (as it were)and intelligent woman and its a testimony to just how being with an emotionally abusive man can reduce a person such as yourself to asking a question like How can I stop him taking him though ? He's his dad !

I truly think you should speak to WA asap and start getting proper advice so you can start to take each step needed to escape this vortex of fears you are trapped in.

ItsGraceAgain · 04/10/2010 23:49

As to whether he's abusive: I was mixing you up wit another poster for a minute there - so, while your H isn't quite as lethal (yet) as hers ... well, make your oown mind up. Here's the page on domestic violence from West Sussex County Council. Have a read, I think you'll find him on it.

It may be quite possible to cut him out of your lives, especially as he's only interested in DS when it gives him a chance to upset you! One thing at a time, though, eh.

If you're in West Sussex, your police number is at the bottom of that page. Sussex Police have a good page on domestic abuse, with more help info.
The Surrey page gives outreach numbers; Hampshire Police pioneered better treatment for DV and rape survivors, but their website was down when I tried them! www.hampshire.police.uk

It's time you did some reading :)

silveryfox · 05/10/2010 07:04

Wow thanks IGA - you are perceptive. We live in WSX. Yes, you're right he does seem to be extra interested in DS when he thinks it will get to me - especially about keeping him away from me. He is such a knobber (to use one of my fave MN terms!). He has also said that at the end of October he will not be getting his salary paid into our joint account - which is where all the bills are paid from, so it will only be my salary going in there. I earn roughly £1500 a month, so thats going to go as it goes in there. He says I have been unrealistic if I thought he would just roll over and let me walk all over him. I've never tried to do that - I just don't want this life anymore. Even just having this crush in the office has shown me what its like to look forward to seeing someone everyday! Yes, I will try to get moving on everything you've all advised - its just difficult - I feel like I have a bit of amental block because it seems like a huge amount of stuff I have to deal with.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 05/10/2010 10:50

This man IS seriously abusive.
He doesn't think you are a person at all, just a kind of disobedient pet he can buly.
Remember he's full of shit. Call Women's Aid who will support you and believe me they will have heard all his nonsense time and time again. You are not an unfit mother. You do not deserve to be treated like this.
It's very very common for abusive men to convince you that they hold all the power, that they will always get their way and you can either obey or suffer the consequences but this is NOT TRUE.

mumofthreesweeties · 05/10/2010 11:06

Silveryfox, your DH knows that the only way he can bully you into staying now is financially. Dont let him win by making you think that you will be at a loss. Yes it will be very tough financially for a while but you will be so much more better off without him and you will cope. You can do this SF and the sooner the better

ItsGraceAgain · 05/10/2010 13:28

Sweetheart, I'm not sure his friends are the only ones in denial (more about that later). In case you didn't visit the WSX page, here's an extract:

What is domestic violence

The government defines domestic violence as: ?any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality?.

People suffer domestic violence regardless of their social group, class, age, race, culture, disability, sexuality or lifestyle. The abuse can begin at any time ? in new relationships or after many years spent together. Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse is not criminal behaviour; they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence

There are three things to remember:
* You are not alone
* There is help available
* It isn't your fault

Types of domestic violence

Physical violence
* Being violent to you; slapping; punching; grabbing; hitting; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; hair pulling; banging head; twisting arms; throwing things.

Financial control
* Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or taking your money; preventing you from using the car.

Verbal abuse
* Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks; put downs and insulting your loved ones.

Sexual violence
* Using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts; or any degrading treatment based on your sexual orientation.

Intimidation
* Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; punching walls; throwing things; abusing drugs and alcohol.

Threats
* Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others; threatening suicide to get you to do something; threatening to use a weapon against you.

Abusing trust
* Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous; breaking promises; refusing to help with child or housework.

Isolation
* Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go.

Abusers and victims

Answers are not easy to spot. There is no ?typical? abuser. In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their partner and family. They often only abuse behind closed doors. It does not happen because of drinking or using drugs. Abuse is that which one person uses in a relationship to control the other.

Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Women from black and minority ethnic communities may be even more reluctant to report domestic violence.

Many people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims. Also, abusers do not see themselves as being abusive. People often think of domestic violence as physical violence, such as hitting. However, domestic violence takes other forms, such as psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse. Abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological.

* Call the Police: If you feel you are in danger from your abuser at any time, call 999. The Police can protect you and help you leave your home safely.
* Get support from friends and family: Tell your supportive family, friends and co-workers what has happened and to keep a look out for you.
* Find a safe place: Sometimes the only way to be safe is to leave your home for a while. There are shelters that can help you move to a different home.
* Get medical help: If you have been hurt, go to the hospital or your doctor. Sometimes you may not know you are hurt, and what seems like a small injury may be a big one.

Safety plan

If you are in an abusive relation, think about:
* Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children.
* Friends or neighbours you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises.
* How to get out of your home safely. Practise ways to get out.
* Safer places in your home where there are exits and no weapons.

If you consider leaving your abuser, think about:
* Four places you could go if you leave your home.
* People who might help you if you left.
* Putting together a bag of things you use everyday.
* Think about people who will keep a bag for you.
* Think about people who might lend you money.
* Make plans for your pets.
* Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.

In an emergency call the Police:
Police Emergency
999
Police Non Emergency
0845 60 70 999

This is from Sussex Police:

Sussex Police are committed to protecting the lives of both adult and child victims of domestic abuse. We aim to investigate all reports of domestic abuse effectively, to bring offenders to justice and hold them accountable for their actions. We have Specialist Investigation Units with trained and experienced investigators who are dedicated to tackling domestic violence.

Sussex Police are fully committed to holding domestic abuse offenders to account and we will arrest given reasonable grounds. We are no longer reliant upon the victim's statement to do this and will pursue abusers independently. Convicted perpetrators of domestic violence face the full range of sentences, including custody and community sentences.

This is the 24-hour domestic violence helpline, run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge: 0808 2000 247

As to whether his friends & family really think he's such a great guy, I wouldn't be too sure! Haven't any of them made 'jokes' like "Silveryfox, you could have done so much better"? Or "Rather you than me, Silveryfox, haha", or "He's a great bloke but I wouldn't want to cross him, haha"?

Okay, so have you made up your mind to place a helpline call yet?

Oh, go on ...

silveryfox · 05/10/2010 18:56

Hi - not much time have to get DS into the bath. But thanks again. Briefly my friend works for Virgin and apparently their EAP line is better than most, and she found out today that as one of her good friends I can call it and get some advice. She is going to forward the number to me tonight I think so it may be tomorrow befor eI can call. I'm trying not to let him upset me too much - and trying not to take everything he's threatening me with so literally. I told my best friend today about him saying he would take the baby up north for Xmas and she said the same as you that he couldn't do it. Can I also say to the nursery that we;re splitting up and that during this time they are not to release DS to him without my prior say so? Anyway have to dash - hopefully can post again later - just feel very weary of it all, and really not looking forward to another night like last night (or morning like this morning!) Just want to be out of here! Thanks again.

OP posts:
shadycharacter · 05/10/2010 21:23

I think you just desperately need to see a solicitor. As far as I know he cannot simply kick you out...this time frame he's given you for you to leave the house, what exactly is he going to do if you haven't left by then?
Have copied and pasted this from communitylegaladvice.org.uk: "Your partner can?t just decide on their own who
will get what ? so even if the family home is in their name, they cannot just make you leave."

You need to make the time to see CAB and they'll go through everything. For all you know, he could already be getting legal advice and plotting to screw you over.

I think CAB will advise you not to leave the house unless you're in danger if you stay there. Have just copied and pasted this: "When you are no longer living together, you are classed as separated for
tax and state benefit purposes. Officially, you can even be separated but still live under the same
roof, if you:
? arrange your household so that you no longer sleep or eat together, and
? don?t do domestic chores, such as washing
or ironing, for each other."
So if you need to claim anything (tax credits etc) obviously it'll all be claimed as a single parent but beware of the above.

This is an eligibility calculator to see if you might qualify for legal aid: www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/calculators/eligiCalc?execution=e1s2

I'm sorry you're going through such a bad time, it's shit that he's making all more painful than it needs to be.

silveryfox · 05/10/2010 22:35

Hi again - yes, I guess he can't physically make me leave but he can make things even more unpleasant - sort of passively making me go? I'm a very light sleeper and the last time, when we had to share the house before he would leave he used to sit downstairs directly below where I was sleeping and watch music videos loudly - don't think purposely to annoy me rather that he just didn't give sh*t about whether it annoyed me or not. So I can definitely see him doing that! This morning when he left just after 7am he slammed the front door knowing the baby was still in bed and that I needed him to stay asleep so I could get bathed and dressed for work in peace. TBH I think I'll be lucky if I can force myself to hang on til the end of october! I hate living with him - he just got home about 20 mins ago and it was great him not being here! I've even found myself thinking of small little ways to get my own back on him, even if he doesn't realise - not talking about cutting up his clothes or anything, more like cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush!!! I couldn't do it though! All I could think about was how disgusting it would be for him to put that in his mouth after it having been wiped round the toilet bowl! Grin Heh heh - I've always been such a wimp - I know other people might have done it though!!!

OP posts:
shadycharacter · 06/10/2010 08:15

Yeah, I'd probably be having the same thoughts, but don't add fuel to the fire and don't let him wind you up...then you'd be playing along with his game, just totally ignore him. Also you must stop cleaning and cooking for him so that you can claim whatever you might end up needing, as a single parent. Just bear in mind he may have sought legal advice and could be noting down any little things to try to build up a case against you so make sure you do everything "by the book".

WRT the house, I'm sure I've read before that things can get complicated if you leave, but it sounds like you could do with just getting away from him before he infuriates you any more! Have you started looking for rentals or anything? If I were you, I'd stay put, I'm 90% sure it'll be him that has to leave as it's him that's made life unbearable for you, and because you provide the majority of care for your son.

If you go on the tax credits website, there is a calculator on there, it's always been spot on for us. I think that going to the job centre is a good idea to work out what financial position you'd be in, in all scenarios...reducing your hours, giving up work, continuing to work full time etc. BUT you really need to get to CAB because there are legal issues to sort out with these credit cards, contact with your son which you're in a dispute about, and the house. If the credit cards are in his name, I'm sure there's no way he can force you to pay half, unless maybe he can prove that it's half your debt I guess? Oh, also, as you're the parent "with most day to day care" for your son, he should be paying you child maintenance shouldn't he? There's a calculator on the CMoptions site which will tell you how much he'll have to pay.

Sorry that's so long just wanted to give you as much practical advice as possible...it's really important you sort the legal stuff straight away.

domeafavour · 18/10/2010 12:20

SF, you need to get some serious help with this. I am horrified
You need to speak to womens aid, and you need to make an appt with CAB to discuss what you are entitled to.
I would also try and speak to a solicitor.
He should not be threatening to take your child away from your for Christmas.
Please get some help and sort this out.
He sounds so horrible and I can't imagine what everyday life is like for you right now.

I really empathise, cos I am in a similar position, need a kick up the arse to help with leaving, but you really really have to do it

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