Sweetheart, I'm not sure his friends are the only ones in denial (more about that later). In case you didn't visit the WSX page, here's an extract:
What is domestic violence
The government defines domestic violence as: ?any incident of threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or family members regardless of gender or sexuality?.
People suffer domestic violence regardless of their social group, class, age, race, culture, disability, sexuality or lifestyle. The abuse can begin at any time ? in new relationships or after many years spent together. Violence can be criminal and includes physical assault (hitting, pushing, shoving, etc.), sexual abuse (unwanted or forced sexual activity), and stalking. Although emotional, psychological and financial abuse is not criminal behaviour; they are forms of abuse and can lead to criminal violence
There are three things to remember:
* You are not alone
* There is help available
* It isn't your fault
Types of domestic violence
Physical violence
* Being violent to you; slapping; punching; grabbing; hitting; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; hair pulling; banging head; twisting arms; throwing things.
Financial control
* Interfering with your work or not letting you work; refusing to give you or taking your money; preventing you from using the car.
Verbal abuse
* Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks; put downs and insulting your loved ones.
Sexual violence
* Using force, threats or intimidation to make you perform sexual acts; or any degrading treatment based on your sexual orientation.
Intimidation
* Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; punching walls; throwing things; abusing drugs and alcohol.
Threats
* Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others; threatening suicide to get you to do something; threatening to use a weapon against you.
Abusing trust
* Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous; breaking promises; refusing to help with child or housework.
Isolation
* Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go.
Abusers and victims
Answers are not easy to spot. There is no ?typical? abuser. In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their partner and family. They often only abuse behind closed doors. It does not happen because of drinking or using drugs. Abuse is that which one person uses in a relationship to control the other.
Victims can be of any age, sex, race, culture, religion, education, employment or marital status. Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Women from black and minority ethnic communities may be even more reluctant to report domestic violence.
Many people who are being abused do not see themselves as victims. Also, abusers do not see themselves as being abusive. People often think of domestic violence as physical violence, such as hitting. However, domestic violence takes other forms, such as psychological, emotional, or sexual abuse. Abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological.
* Call the Police: If you feel you are in danger from your abuser at any time, call 999. The Police can protect you and help you leave your home safely.
* Get support from friends and family: Tell your supportive family, friends and co-workers what has happened and to keep a look out for you.
* Find a safe place: Sometimes the only way to be safe is to leave your home for a while. There are shelters that can help you move to a different home.
* Get medical help: If you have been hurt, go to the hospital or your doctor. Sometimes you may not know you are hurt, and what seems like a small injury may be a big one.
Safety plan
If you are in an abusive relation, think about:
* Having important phone numbers nearby for you and your children.
* Friends or neighbours you could tell about the abuse. Ask them to call the police if they hear angry or violent noises.
* How to get out of your home safely. Practise ways to get out.
* Safer places in your home where there are exits and no weapons.
If you consider leaving your abuser, think about:
* Four places you could go if you leave your home.
* People who might help you if you left.
* Putting together a bag of things you use everyday.
* Think about people who will keep a bag for you.
* Think about people who might lend you money.
* Make plans for your pets.
* Opening a bank account or getting a credit card in your name.
In an emergency call the Police:
Police Emergency
999
Police Non Emergency
0845 60 70 999
This is from Sussex Police:
Sussex Police are committed to protecting the lives of both adult and child victims of domestic abuse. We aim to investigate all reports of domestic abuse effectively, to bring offenders to justice and hold them accountable for their actions. We have Specialist Investigation Units with trained and experienced investigators who are dedicated to tackling domestic violence.
Sussex Police are fully committed to holding domestic abuse offenders to account and we will arrest given reasonable grounds. We are no longer reliant upon the victim's statement to do this and will pursue abusers independently. Convicted perpetrators of domestic violence face the full range of sentences, including custody and community sentences.
This is the 24-hour domestic violence helpline, run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge: 0808 2000 247
As to whether his friends & family really think he's such a great guy, I wouldn't be too sure! Haven't any of them made 'jokes' like "Silveryfox, you could have done so much better"? Or "Rather you than me, Silveryfox, haha", or "He's a great bloke but I wouldn't want to cross him, haha"?
Okay, so have you made up your mind to place a helpline call yet?
Oh, go on ...