Online dating - men and sex

[poorshow]

can someone tell me if im just being naieve or silly.

Online dating - you swap a few emails, normally i like to chat a bit first, so on msn or via text and its never long before the conversation turns to sex, or boob size or anything like that.

Which is just so disheartning. Im the least prudish person out there, but i think when it turns to sex, before we have even met in person, then im just not going to meet them.

Am i wrong in thinking this? if i wanted casual sex i could get it.

Or is this just how men are now and im not used to it.

because id like someone to actually like me. Not just like me beacsue of my boobs, or because they want sex with me.
Not saying its not fine to want sex with me, of course it is, but to bring it up before we have even met?

I agree, i dont think your being silly or naive, its not nice having some bloke asking you what size your boobs are over the net. Cheeky twats.

For some blokes on these sites your just a faceless woman to perv on. Blow them off straight away the minuite they start that. Id blow them off if they even start that " Hi sexy " shit.

Youll get better at spotting them , there not all like that, these arent the sort you want to meet anyway.

Agree with dignified - think of their behaviour as an effective screening process for you. Saves you wasting time talking to them and building up a rapport.

ah- but thats the point. it doesnt start with the 'hi sexy' shit.
i dont bother replying to those ones.

I just mean the ones that seem normal, you email back and foward a bit, who seem nice, and seem interested. Only for as soon as you give out your msn or phone number for it to quickly disintergrate into sex.

Im not even prudish - in the slighested. Im the most experimental, sexual person i know. But it still annoys me.

A small part of me thinks - meet them still - give them a chance, but then i think - god no, they clearly dont like you that much, ( are probably saying things like that too loads of girls) and will spend all night trying to get into your knickers.

lots of my friends have done/are doing online dating (including times/guardian dating pages which i suppose i snobbily would have assumed might attract a nicer type of bloke)and none of them have yet met a man who was looking for anything other than sex. but perhaps there are some out there!

ive done paid sites as well. it seems to make no difference.

and i love sex myself - but it just puts me right off.

yup, sounds very familiar from what i've heard... i think unfortunately the online dating thing is a very useful mechanism for blokes who aren't in fact looking for any sort of relationship beyond sexual. they play along with it for a date or 2 if necessary, then move onto the next girl... blind dates with friends of friends are the answer!

i actually had an argument with one man the other night.
he said he had recently come out of a relationship and would not be looking to get into another for a least 6 months.
Then he said meeting as friends would be good, but that he found me very attractive and could not promise he wouldnt try it on.
I told him i was not intrested in casual sex, and that, really if thats what he wanted, i wouldnt meet him. To which he agreeded and said he respected my wishes and wouldnt but that i was not to nibble his ear lobe else that was void and he would indeed try to shag me.
So basically - he was after casual sex.

What an arsehole , but look at it this way, at least you found this out at this atage instead of months down the line.
I think its very common, and probably the precise reason half these idiots are single.

I'm a man, I'm doing internet dating, and I would never dream of talking about sex before we'd even met - to be honest, I wouldn't talk about it for the first few dates, but that's just me (maybe I'm a prude)

I've only just signed up to a dating site (2 days ago) and it's really odd.

What has bothered me the most so far is that there is a section on your profile that says: What is important to x. There are all sorts of things that can appear in this space including wanting children, being local, being educated...etc. Every man's profile I have looked at so far has 'looks are important' in that section and absolutely nothing else. Is that really what men are looking for in a relationship - or are they just, as you've suggested, OP, looking for sex. It's depressing.

I have been contacted by a mixed bag of individuals. One from the Outer Hebrides (I live in the Midlands), one who sent me Elton John lyrics while drunk at 3 in the morning and one of the most humourless individuals I have ever tried to have a conversation with. It is not looking good. I am beginning to think that if you don't look like Barbie you have no chance. How do less attractive people find partners these days? It must happen sometimes. I am not stunning, but I'm not bad either. I think I should fill my house full of cats and settle down for a life of meals for one..

Lifeissweet, I think you need to be more optimistic. My impression is that broadly men contact, and women wait to be contacted. I think that means that women are going to have to deal with a lot of rubbish, but there are men out there who won't be so strange.

I am sure you are not like that, Mike. I am not really pessimistic, I'm just a little baffled about the whole process. I've never done anything like this before and only have now because I'm at an age where all my friends are either married or getting married and the opportunities to meet new people are getting slimmer all the time. I was wanting to chat to some new, interesting people.

A couple of nice-sounding men have got in touch, so I am exaggerating slightly. I think I just found the whole looks-obsession a little bothersome. I know it is only honest to not be immediately attracted to someone who looks like Shrek, but I would like to think that people would value other attributes if they are actually looking for a partner and not just someone to shag.

i know!!
Worst still is he had seemed nice, inteligent, articulate, witty.

for about half an hour i thought, yeah, why not, go meet him. Then i realised that there was no point at all and that it would just be a waste of my time.

At the risk of sounding like a cliche, you have to kiss a lot of frogs!

I met my dh on a dating site. I didn't keep copies of our initial nmessages, but I did keep a transcript of our first MSN messaging and the only vague mention of sex was as a double entendred and it was from me - we had been talking about gold stars as I am a teacher and I said to him

"I tell u what - I'll take my gold stars WITH me on our date and I might give you one at the end of the night, if you're a really good boy!"

and then I added

"a gold star I mean"

to which he replied

"lol, double entendre"

Flirting is all very well, but if you want a gentleman you have to weed them out just as you would IRL.

My dh was lucky - he found me very early on, but I had to trawl through a veritable marshland of frogs! Including one who I still suspect might have been a paedo!

As it turned out, my dh wasn't looking for a LTR at all - he had split from his wife not all that long ago and was basically putting a toe back in the water to see how he would be received. But then he met me and the rest is history. :o)

But there are men out there who are looking for a relationship and not just sex - like any other way of meeting men, you just have to take a chance.

YANBU and I was successful in online dating because I refused to discuss sex or dimensions online. If someone asked me what I looked like, they would be told "5'1, brown hair, blue eyes, plumpish build, pale skin" and no other details. If they settled for that, they were datable. If they didn't, they got blocked.

I had a list of things I don't discuss on my profile, it went like this

Underwear
My bra size
My nudity
Your nudity
Your sexual organs
My sexual organs
What I am wearing while I am chatting to you
What I wear to bed
Sexual preferences - in fact, these will not be discussed at all unless you are in a postion to find out for yourself.

When you give them the boot for this sort of behaviour, id tell them why , pointing out its unacceptable and presumably they wouldnt talk like that to a colleauge or neighbour.
Therefore there a letch and you dont want to hear from them again.

If we all did this theyd soon learn.

life- yep. i get you.

However, its from the other side, im constantly getting told how pretty i am, or how hot, or whatever and i get asked out all the time.
Its not only ridiclous, but also insincere and insulting.

and engineering - im sure i contact just as many men as they do... all women are not passive.

Some blokes use it as free sex chat site .

Clever men know that starting a conversation with "Hi sexy" will get them nowhere they would want to go.

One very clever man, after a few nice emails, mentioned that "You really do have such a pretty little face, how come you're not arrogant about it?"

He's my borfriend now.

cold - thats very lucky.
mr - just got out of a relationship, will respect you, but really i just want a shag' said things like that too. That he thought people should be attracted to personality, then face, and boobs and things last.

And that it was endering that i didnt realise how attractive i was.

he was still an arse.

Oh, no, this was Mr Looking For A Girlfriend

Swallowed, although I'm not a player, that would put me off I'm afraid.