Online dating - men and sex

[poorshow]

can someone tell me if im just being naieve or silly.

Online dating - you swap a few emails, normally i like to chat a bit first, so on msn or via text and its never long before the conversation turns to sex, or boob size or anything like that.

Which is just so disheartning. Im the least prudish person out there, but i think when it turns to sex, before we have even met in person, then im just not going to meet them.

Am i wrong in thinking this? if i wanted casual sex i could get it.

Or is this just how men are now and im not used to it.

When I online dated I put 'don't contact me if you are looking for a one night stand (etc), do contact me if you seek a friendship that may go further after getting to know each other'.

Or words to that effect.

Monty, that's nicer wording

Yup, it's just a screening process (and don;t forget that some women are looking for casual sex as well, and it isn't actually wrong to do so). While there are lots of nice people on dating sites, they are also going to have a higher than normal-social-activity percentage of desperate, demented fuckups with the social skills of moldy cheese. (Even on the actively-looking-for-sex sites the women tend to find that there are a lot of nutters for every bloke worth meeting for a shag).

There are some good men out there on dating websites. My DP for one. We emailed for 3 weeks before meeting up, and he never once made reference to sex. We talked about a lot of other things, including how his experience of other blokes he knew who used the sites was that many were "players".

Good luck finding yours..!!!

i think you have to treat online dating with extreme cynicism... my friend who is online dating at moment is constantly telling men she doesn't want a player/casual sex etc.

i've lost count of the number of men she's met up with who have been terribly sincere and fed her all the lines she wants to hear ("but he's never felt this way before and i'm his dream woman!") and then they do a runner after a few shags.

actually fundamentally i'd be cynical about ANY man who told me within 2 weeks of meeting that i was the one he'd been looking for all his life. (having said that, my dh said he knew from the moment he saw me in a queue at a dodgy essex nightclub that he wanted to marry me. luckily he didn't share this nugget until much later on )

EM -
I used to get nice responses. I did actually say 'Please don't..........'

If you are someone who doesn't want to have sex until you feel that you know the other person well and are comfortable with him/her, stick to your guns. If you drop your pants on the second date because s/he says s/he 'loves' you then you are being either a mug or a bit of a hypocrite. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a shag for its own sake. You don't need to recite the magic formula of 'I-love-you-I've-never-felt-this-way-I-don't-usually-do-this' to remain a Good Person.
However, if you are an adult who has had some sexual experience (and not hated every second of it) it is a little bit odd to want to date someone on and on for months without having sex (it is different for the utterly inexperienced who need to feel comfortable and safe to enjoy the first time). If you feel like this, you maybe have a lower-than-average libido, which again is not wrong but it means you need to be careful what you are leading another person to believe (ie that once you are 'loved' you will be up for it 24/7 in any position when what you mean is once you are 'loved' you will be happy with it once a fortnight and are not that enthusiastic anyway).

solid - im totally the opposite. I have a very high libido. I have no problem with sex on the first date, i have had casual sex before, when it suited me. In fact ive had sex within half an hour of meeting someone before.

I would not need someone to confess love first before i shagged them. Nor buy me expensive dinners, or flowers, or anything like that.

I do however, find it just a little bit disheartening that bascically they have no intention of wanting to get to know you AT ALL, and dont even hide that fact and that literally after a few minuites chat it goes into very sexual conversations.. and i dont just mean heavy flirting.

Poorshow: Fair enough. I was using 'you' generically, partly thinking of someone who was on here a while ago talking about online dating and basically going on dates and doing the 'Unhand me you beast!' think even after about 6 dates with the same bloke. ANd she was certainly an adult who had had sex before.
And I do agree that men who message you and just want sex talk are rude timewasters. I only put up with that sort of thing when I'm getting paid for it (disclaimer, I don't do online dating or dating of any kind but love hearing other people's stories).

No you are not being a prude or whatever.
My brother, who is 46, does internet dating and he would never behave like that. In fact he has been messed about much more by women than anything- and he has got very disheartened.

I do know though of men who internet date and are simply wanting sex. Maybe you can turn it around and think that some guys are very insecure and talking about sex MAY be their way of asking if you fancy them- in a very obvious way.

And- to be really blunt, men want to meet women to (eventually) have sex, and vice versa. I think the anonymity of msn etc makes some guys say things they wouldn't dream of in real life, and they just get ahead of themselves.

It's no excuse and you are right to be put off, but maybe you need to distinguish between theharmless flirty type comments and the bleeding obvious "I just want a shag" comments/blokes.