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Original poster

DP went in a massive mood --- Over toothbrushes!

28 replies

ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 11:05

Just a vent really....

(background - me and DP live together with my 2 children and his one child. It is NOT working out and we've agreed tos plit but I need to stay here until I finish my access course in June. So now we're living together, but parenting seperately. Therefore, I'm just venting about the silly, petty, immature behaviour of DP!)

Yesterday we did the weekly shopping and I remembered that me and my children needed new toothbrushes. I saw some good colgate ones on offer for £1 each so I picked up 3. DP saw me and asked how much they were. I said £1 each. He did his usual "staring at said object" for a good few minutes whilst I made my way to the checkouts. As the toothbrushes are going through, he said "how much did you say they were again??" so I repeated £1 each". He then said "oh, DD needs a new toothbrush." I said "go and get her one then". He ignored me.

So after checkout, I'm going through my receipt and notice they'd charged me £2.30 for each brush. Cut long story short, I questioned it and got a full refund. The offer had ran out but they'd forgot to remove the sticker from the shelf. After my refund, they then went and removed it.

DP then said "so, how much are they??" I said £2.30 each". He said "how much did you pay???" I said £1 each. So ... this is the best bit Grin he said "that is so unfair!" (yes, he was being serious). I said "what is?" and he said "I wanted to buy some! does it still say £1 on the shelf?" so I said "no, the offer has ran out and they've taken it off now" so he replied "oh great! thanks a lot".

Ok so to cut out the silly details, he went into a massive mood because I'd bought some toothbrushes and he hadn't. He then blamed me for the toothbrushes being full price saying if I hadn't have brought it up, he could've got some too.

I'm not asking for advice, I know he's being ridiculous, I just wanted to recap the story as I think its hilarious Grin I can find it all funny now that I know I'll be leaving the mad house soon. Has anyone else ever known a man this petty?

OP posts:
CatButler · 21/08/2010 11:11

I'm laughing but it can't be fun for you while you're stuck with this prize turnip!!

Re. pettiness, yup got plenty of examples from ex DP - one classic always was that I wasn't allowed to push ANY buttons be it in his car, on the remote control etc just because they would wear out quicker and he would get less use from the.......

Oh wait, that's just nuts not petty, my mistake :)

CatButler · 21/08/2010 11:12

....from them, even mmh

TheLifeOfRiley · 21/08/2010 11:14
Grin

Like you say at least you can see the funny side knwoing you will be leaving. What a twunt!

Original poster
ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 11:14

pmsl!! he would come up with something similar! like he'll say I should pay more towards something if I'll get more use out of it, even if its a household thing like a coffee machine which he would use too! He'd also whinge if I ate more of a multipack than him Grin

OP posts:
ValiumSingleton · 21/08/2010 11:19

Oh this is the kind of thing I lived with for years.

You can't reason with somebody when they're in this state.

At least you are separating and you know you're separating. Be grateful you're not one of the poor posters on relationships who thinks that they can make a life with a man like this.

When somebody years from now asks you why things didn't work out, you have the toothbrush story ready.

CatButler · 21/08/2010 11:20

ForestryTrees :o :)

Ex tried to charge me £120 rent a week when he graciously agreed I could move in with him (tiny studio flat too)

The joke was his rent was completely covered by housing benefit.

Said he would put the money aside for a holiday........

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/08/2010 11:20

The French have a term for such people - mal fini.

I'd be seriously leaving this house far sooner than June. There surely must be better options than living with the prize berk.

MrsReality · 21/08/2010 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bacofoil · 21/08/2010 11:23

Is he driving you dental?

But pmsl.

Sounds like he doesn't smile much anyway, so who cares if he has mossy green teeth. Tell him to save up for a toothbrush for his dd, or better still, buy her one to piss him off. She has clean teeth, you can laugh, he'll have a face like an arse. Everybody wins!

Original poster
ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 11:31

Well he's been like this for a year now ... I don't think he'll get much worse by June (or am I being naive?)

We were discussing what I would be taking when I move out. Both of my children have an xbox each (bought before we moved here) but because they share a room now, we keep one in their room and keep one downstairs. The idea was that me and DP would use the downstairs xbox but it needed fixing first - which cost us £30 (or £15 each). DP has NEVER used it since.

Now, when we were discussing me moving out, DP said "what are we going to do about that xbox?" so I said " Hmm well it belongs to DS so I'll obviously be taking it with me. It's not as if you'd use it anyway" so he said "I might do" like I said, he's NEVER used it. So I told him not to be stupid, it was DS's so I'd be taking it with me. He then replied "but I paid £15 towards getting it fixed" Shock so yeah ... ok I paid £249 for the xbox for christmas 2 years ago, but because you paid £15 to get it fixed a couple of months back, you think you're entitled to keep it, despite the fact that you'd NEVER use it???? pmsl

OP posts:
CatButler · 21/08/2010 11:36

Well, £15 is an absolute fortune Forestry seeing as he can't fork out £1 (£2.30) for a toothbrush

Do you really have to stick with this situation until next June then?

Altaira · 21/08/2010 11:36

The atmosphere at home must be horrible- especially for all your children Sad

CatButler · 21/08/2010 11:42

Oooh - sorry I'm highjacking this thread now but just remembered another couple -

'don't lend your wetsuit to your friend, she only wants it to have kinky sex in'

Do you want to pay half for a dodgy application for my mobile phone (£120) which will double all of my PAYG top-ups? But it's your phone so no thanks. 'Why are you being so tight? Errrrmmmm....

MrsReality · 21/08/2010 11:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 11:43

Well I could move out sooner but then I'd have to give up my access course which is really, really important to our future.

My eldest DC knows the situation, he knows we will be moving out soon. Since we decided to parent seperately things have been less tense to be honest. I just can't wait until I can put it all behind me. I think he's seriously disturbed, probably comes from childhood.

OP posts:
Altaira · 21/08/2010 11:48

I can see you are between a rock and a hard place- but 10 months isn't soon.

How old are DC?

Original poster
ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 11:52

I know, it wasn't a snap decision, I thought it over for weeks. My choices are:

a) move out now, get stuck on job seekers where the best case scenario is a minimum pay job which I'll dread waking up to everyday. Have to rely on benefits for the rest of my life to "top up", never be able to live anywhere decent and will be forever struggling

or

b) stay here until June, finish the access course, go to uni, qualify as a nurse, never have to rely on benefits again, be able to live pretty much anywhere and have a finantially secure future for myself as well as my kids.

For the sake of 9/10 months, I chose option B but I know its going to be no bed of roses in the meantime - which is why I try to laugh about it Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 11:53

Sorry, DC are 11 and 9

OP posts:
ChaoticAngel · 21/08/2010 11:57

Not just petty but a bit thick too?

Did it not occur to him that if you hadn't have said anything not only would he not have got the toothbrushes for £1 but you would have been charged £2.30 as well.

Good luck with your access course I did two myself (one GCSE level, one A-level) and will be starting the third year of my degree in September.

Original poster
ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 12:01

exactly chaotic but he would much rather I didn't get them either! he likes to see me suffer.

This morning I got a letter to say I'd been overpaid tax credits from before I moved in here. I text him to say I owed them money, he text back in a panic to ask whether it was from before or after I moved in. As soon as he found out that it didn't effect him, he was really releived and laughed about it. Never mind the fact that I will now struggle to pay it! and he reckons he still wants a relationship with me once I move out! yeah right, I'll be a weekend shag for nobody!! I'm not that bloody stupid.

OP posts:
CatButler · 21/08/2010 12:06

I think your strenght and resolve are admirable Forestry (takes off hat)

At least you can always pop on here to let off steam :)

Fel1x · 21/08/2010 12:13

It all sounds a bit mad to me.
Why are you doing your weekly shop together if you've split up? If there is some reason why you would do it together then why would you pick up 2 toothbrushes for your dcs in the weekly joint family shop without saying 'does your dd need a new toothbrush too?' assuming you are paying jointly.
If you are paying seperately the you should go shopping seperately!
Also why are you texting him about your letter from tax credits? Surely none of business if you are not together. You are just giving him an excuse to wind you up in response!

Original poster
ForestryTrees · 21/08/2010 12:16

Because we live under the same roof, its just easier to eat together, therefore we need to shop together really. We do buy stuff like toothbrushes seperately though, I bought them with my own money, not household money and tbh, his DD's is fine. I was only getting my children new ones because they'd lost their old ones on a camping trip. He was just doing his usual trick of "your kids can't have anything without my DD having it too". I just let him get on with his imaginary parenting competition now, its his money he's wasting!

OP posts:
ValiumSingleton · 21/08/2010 13:34

#shop separately too. Buy really healthy food he hates. From now on cook nothing but nut roast, lentil stew and mushrooms with mushrooms.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 21/08/2010 15:22

"Well I could move out sooner but then I'd have to give up my access course"

FT,

Forgive my ignorance here but it is really the case that you would have to give up your access course if you were to move out of this house of Bedlam?. You seriously run the risk of being emotionally damaged even more by this man if you keep listening to his f**kwittery.

Have you talked to the people who run this course about your situation as it is now?. Surely there is a better way than being stuck in the House of Bedlam until next June.

Would also respectfully suggest you tell him none of your personal business from now on even if it does not affect him directly. You telling him anything just provide him with more ammo to hit you with otherwise. Your current arrangement is just not working at all well; ten months is an eternity to your child as well.

Do yourself another favour too; get yourself subsequently onto a Freedom programme run by Womens Aid. You (and by turn your child) will need a lot of time to recover from this man you unfortunately lumbered yourself with. You showed poor judgement here and you will need to ask yourself some tough questions as to why you got with someone this damaged in the first place. If you wanted to "rescue" and or "save" the bloke from his own demons then you need to resist the urge to do so in any future relationship. You cannot act as either a rescuer or saviour in a relationship.