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Original poster

All they go on about is sex, are they all like this then?

29 replies

DogDays · 19/08/2010 09:07

On a bit of dodgy ground with DP lately and stupidly found myself chatting to the ex via facebook. I hadn't spoken to him for a couple of years and the convo went like this:

Ex: "Hi! how are you??"
me: "ok thanks, you?"
Ex: "good, good ... "
me: "good"
ex: "so what you been upto?"

blah blah - the usual pleasantries ... fast forward 10 minutes in -

ex: "Well, I woke up in a funny mood, its erm ... been a while if you see what I mean Grin "
me: "oh right Hmm"
ex "must admit, our sex was good, wasn't it?"
me: "I'm going to get going now, stuff to do"
ex "oh, ok, take care"

So basically now, whenever I speak to ex via facebook or msn he brings the conversation around the sex within 10 minutes. So I stopped talking to him and decided to try harder with DP. Last night we decided to get a bath together, he's crap with conversation and being in the bath together usually entices a good convo from him. Needless to say, within 20 minutes it was constant sexual innuendos, nagging me to do stuff to him, asking if he could do stuff to me .. why does it always turn to sex talk??? are men actually incapable of having a normal conversation that doesn't involve sex? sometimes I wonder if that's all I'm good for as far as men are concerned.

OP posts:
CatButler · 19/08/2010 09:22

Not very constructive I know but am chuckling at your post.

I know exactly what you're saying but there is no way I would try and have a conversation with DP (or any man) during a shared bath. Don't think the man brain can process the fact it's supposed to chat and not grope in that scenario :) :) :)

Very generalistic of me I know.......apologies to the non bath gropers in advance :)

fartmeistergeneral · 19/08/2010 09:24

lol you were both naked in a bath!!! What did you expect the conversation to go like?? Grocery shopping???

Flighttattendant · 19/08/2010 09:25

You need a REALLY BIG BATH Grin

I dread trying to do anything else while a bloke has that on his mind.

ShirleyKnot · 19/08/2010 09:25

I know that if I get into a bath with a man (chance'd be a fine thing) that I'm probably not going to be having a deep and meaningful conversation; it's probably going to involve a toe up my arse and a fair amount of swishing water over the sides.

PosieParker · 19/08/2010 09:25

My DH is the same.

Alouiseg · 19/08/2010 09:26

It's normal! Read the threads where the man isn't interested in sex, that causes far more problems.

ShatnersBassoon · 19/08/2010 09:28

If I was making a concerted effort to have a non-sex conversation, I wouldn't strip off before it started. I think it would take a very unusual person to not think of sex when they're warm and naked with their warm and naked partner.

Flighttattendant · 19/08/2010 09:29

Is it just me or is the idea of sex in a bath, kitchen or (worst of all) SHED actually a big turn off? The mess, the discomfort...eurgh.

ShirleyKnot · 19/08/2010 09:31

The worst place to have sex is on the stairs. I always thought that would be dead sexy, all "Oooh, we can't wait, let's do it RIGHT HERE ON THE STAIRS" and instead it fucking well hurt.

NomDePlume · 19/08/2010 09:31

Not all men.

Nobbish exes who are feeling lonely - yes. I Think stuff like FB, Friends Reunited etc have made a perfect environment for insecure exes to come out for a bit ego stroking Hmm. I had a similar thing a few years ago with a teens-era ex via Friends Reunited.

We were talking about ordinary things (me about my work, DH and kids. Him about his impending marriage and his work). Then all of a sudden he spins it all around to 'what do you look like these days?' (I went self-deprecating, as you do). He was full of Oh, I work out 5 times a week, you wouldn't recognise me, blah blah'.

Then he starts talking about our sex life donkeys years ago. I told him it was actually pretty crap, imo, it was years ago, we were essentially kids and I've moved on and don't think about it and then changed the subject. He carried on trying to move it back to our teenage fumblings so I deregistered from FR and stopped contact with him, the loon.

I think basically, he was freaking out about getting married and the fact that his DP was going to be his 'only' for the next however many years (hopefully for life) and so was taking a panicky trip down memory lane to reassure himself that he is a shag monster (he wasn't when I knew him). Tragic

Re the bath thing. I may be speaking (typing?) out of turn here, but I don't think it's that out of order that given that your sharing a bath together, an intimate thing, naked, warm, wet, quite a sexy thing, that your DP's thoughts should turn a bit saucy.

NomDePlume · 19/08/2010 09:34

GAH! you're sharing a bath, not your

[pet hate]

Flighttattendant · 19/08/2010 09:34

Shirley Sad

commiserations

I have done it leaning backwards out of a renault 5 door

against a wall in an alleyway
in an orchard at night

and on a bench in the snow.

I don't like to think about it.

ShirleyKnot · 19/08/2010 09:43

I used to like doing it in a car. I haven't done that for years now, and I bet if I tried it my dicky hip would seize up and we'd be TRAPPED. TRAPPED in a Fiat Punto in an abandoned quarry.

Cor, this is getting a bit saucy now.

Just off to arrange a babysitter...

Flighttattendant · 19/08/2010 09:48

LOL Grin

let me know when you need the helicopter.

ShirleyKnot · 19/08/2010 09:52

haha!

"Hello, I'd like to report an incident"

Lancelottie · 19/08/2010 09:54

Shirley -- actually stairs can be jolly handy for the shorter girl.

CelticBanshee · 19/08/2010 10:01

Dogdays, I'm sorry but it's obvious that your dp is a sex addict

When DH and I share a bath, we usually fill out our tax returns or discuss our family budget - I have all of our paperwork in water-proof cases for such occasions

Maybe you should both wear full body wet suits in future, that might take his dirty mind off sex for a little while

CatButler · 19/08/2010 10:18

Ha ha ha ha - Celtic- rofl!!!

Waterproof cases.......tax returns......brilliant :) :)

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 19/08/2010 12:05

I think there are a few different problems here:

  1. sleazy ex - tell him you're not interested in talking to him about sex, it's wrong given that you are in a committed relationship with someone else. And if he doesn't shut up about it, you'll have to stop talking to him altogether.

  2. it sounds like the problem is not (just) that your DP wants to talk about sex, but that he won't talk about anything else. Agree with other posters that for a relaxed non-sexy chat a bracing walk in the park, or drink in the pub sets the scene better than naked bathtime.

  3. you say he was "nagging" you. Do tell him that nothing is less likely to get you in the mood than him whining away like a kid.

HaworthView · 19/08/2010 16:14

Me, and my dear ex DH (big mistake letting him go!!), used to have a bath together EVERY night. We used to talk about our day, stuff we were planning for our future etc. It wasn't a sexual thing, it was an intimacy thing. Then we'd have sex later. Although he did like do admire my body in the bath, he never made it into a sex thing. For us, it was all about closeness. I miss those days. :(

happiestblonde · 19/08/2010 22:53

My Darling darling DP is pretty spectacular with the sexual behaviour - I've never once felt pressured, he knows when I'm tired or not into it and doesn't even mention it just massages me or we eat too much ben and jerrys then sleep, yet at all other times he's raring to go - I think the lack of pressure must work because the sex life is wonderful. Having said that, my day-to-day language is filthier than a filthy pit of filth on a dirty day so the innuendos are already there without his doing.

HOWEVER - nasty, nasty ex was a shocker and despite sex with him being generally hideous in all ways he seemed to like to mention it a lot. I've had the exact same experience except over facebook chat - normal convo, start to talk about life, then the sexual reminiscing starts. I blocked him.

It depends on the men; lots are shocking but aren't and there's no excuse for inappropriate remisexing especially about bad sex.

IngridFletcher · 19/08/2010 22:59

Do all of you that share baths with your partners have tiny men or huge baths? We have a larger than normal bath and there is no way DH (6ft2) and me (5ft 5) would fit in to dicuss tax returns or anything more saucy.

happiestblonde · 19/08/2010 23:10

ooooh just told DP about this and he has an amazing phrase:

unwanted flesh back ;)

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 19/08/2010 23:12

Flight I completely agree. Why on earth would you choose another spot when you can be in a nice comfy bed?

I have never felt the need to vary the location to keep things interesting, there are plenty of other avenues to explore!

Dinkytinky · 19/08/2010 23:26

My dp isn't allowed in the bathroom with me ever! If I incited him into the bath with me his balls would explode.fact.
OP- yes, they are all like this in my experience, every single one.