I am fine :)

[whoknows2010]

I just thought I would write to to tell everyone in the process of divorce/splitting with partner that they will be fine!

Two months ago my now ex told me he no longer loved me and that he didnt want to be with me anymore. I took my children and moved into a rented place.

When he first told me I thought my world was going to end and felt physical pain at the loss of the long relationship that we had. But over the last couple of weeks I have come to realise that I am fine! All the cliches that were given to me about time being a healer and that I'll be alright were all true even though I didn't believe them at the time.

Now my kids are settled and actually happier now there are no bad vibes around them and I actually see my new place as home which I never thought I would.

So the simple message for all of you who have been recently ditched -

YOU WILL BE FINE, you WILL be happy again, you WILL live your life without him and you WILL be damned happy doing it

The End
(Bows and gets off soapbox)

Good for you :). It sounds like you've done bloody well - you should be very proud of yourself. And you're right, as well - it does get better, people do cope, life does go on, as impossible as that might seem at the time.

Cheers Hassled, I was looking on the Lone parents covos and saw that they were all depressed and fed up with life- sod that for a game, so I thought a positive message might actually help people instead of the newly single reading all the misery!

God knows I still have my bad days and wonder what he is up to but hell, its my life and I am not wasting any more of it feeling sorry for myself.

There are many positives too, forget all the depressing stuff about Christmas and family trips- they can and will still happen, in fact the kids will have two christmasses one with me and one with their Dad- and what kid wouldnt want that??
The days they see their Dad they get more attention off him than they would have done otherwise and then when they get home they get even more off me cos I have had a break from them and realise how precious the time with them is.

Some may think I am deluding myself (or insanely stupid) but I refuse to let my life be miserable just cos I am no longer with my ex!

bloody wonderful to hear this !

You sound amazing......well done.

Don't know how you've got so positive this quickly.

Can I ask........is it because you're not in love with him anymore /don't fancy him anymore ?

I think that can make a world of difference.

I remember your thread - so good to hear from you.

i am 6 weeks in and am too getting closer to the positive side !!!

I do feel genuinely happy most of the time now - and if you read my posts 6 weeks ago the difference between the old and new me is remarkable.

Great to hear stories like this

Anyfucker and Hassled Thanks for the positivity

pinksmarties To be honest even I dont know how have done it, I wish we hadn't split up as I always loved him but appears that it wasn't reciprocated over the last year or so. The thing is though I deserve someone who DOES love me, not just someone who is staying for the kids and growing more resentful by the week, and I keep reminding myself that if he WAS the one for me then he wouldn't have just given it all away like he did and that he is very obviously a complete idiot for doing so. He saw that things were going wrong a very long time ago and chose not to deal with it- we could have done councilling/taking a break etc, but instead he bottled it all up inside until he cracked and it was past the point of no return, if he thought that much of me he would have at least made an effort to try and save the relationship instead of letting it go. The very fact he didnt try even after 11 years of relationship and two children together has made me loose some of my respect for him and I cant be with someone that I dont respect. (Sorry if that is rambling)

Arnbow its good to see that you are recovering too- you DO sound a million times happier than when we last "spoke"- good for you! It does go to show that we will recover in time :)

Yeah I agree. I'm gradually getting to where you are. Brilliant and can't wait.

You sound so positive and happy.

How long has it been for you then celticfairy? I just keep reminding myself that I am worth more than he can offer me whenever I have a "wobble" and find that helps.
I still have the dark moments where I feel sad for what I lost but they are really diminishing now and everything feels brighter- I dont have to worry about what time I have to wake him up for work or what days off he has got so I can organise trips- I can go whenever I want to wherever I want without feeling guilty! I can work to my own timetable and decorate the house how I want to with out having to discuss it with anyone else, just daft things like that make me feel more "free"

Well I've just put my foot in it over on LP :)
Glad to have found a positive thread!!
Well done you and you're absolutely right, it WILL be fine. I'm about 7 months in, settled happy looking forward to the future

It's been only 5 months out of an 18 year marriage and 20 years knowing him. But he's been such a tit and an idiot that I'm well rid of him. I have a good life ahead of me and I know it. My children, family and friends have been so supportive. I've not had such a hectic social life in years.

I have it on good authority that it's not as rosy as he thought it would be - well there's a surprise. I'm also in for a good settlement. And that's a relief.

I'm fine too

Get you totally with the decoration, and going wherever and whenever you want. The freedom of that is so liberating.

Well done too nowherewoman

I think this thread is starting to sound like a support group where we all have to stand up and say "My name is ........ and I am fine!"

I am so glad this thread is actually quite positive, full of strong women who have had enough of being pissed about and are getting on with life instead of rolling over and dying!!

wohoooo for us!!!

Hello too Lions dont want you to feel left out

Ah thank you :)
I found out on Sunday that exp had got his girlfriend pregnant (she had a termination)whilst I was still in our home...and all I can think is 'thank god I got out'! My friend bought me a fridge magnet which says...'better to have loved and lost than to live with the psycho for the rest of your life!'
Wise words :)

wow- just gone on to the lone parents, you got told off good and proper didnt you! I hadn't realised that single mothers weren't allowed to be happy. Stay here and spread the happiness with me (and stay in case some of them come over here and start on me )

I understand people have it hard- god knows no break up is easy, feelings get hurt and hearts get broken but we are all entitled to life, love and happiness.

Some men (and some women) are complete bastards but we shouldnt let people like that ruin our lives forever, they shit on us from a great height and hurt us but we shouldn't let them ruin the rest of our lives should we?

I've got your back girl don't worry!
I completely agree, I've had a pretty hard life so far (suffered domestic abuse at the hands of Father) my life has not been at all chocolate cupcakey or whatever she said. Like you said, lives can also change for the better in an instant too and I continue to believe that, I refuse to be broken.

I also refuse to become Queen of Bittertown

It is great to read a really positive post.

I'm just about to separate from H, he is moving out in a couple of weeks. We've been married nearly 18 years and together for 24, and he has stopped loving me. Feeling pretty devastated at the moment but trying to be positive about the future, especially for dc's sakes.

Hope I will be able to post something similar to yours in a few months time.

This thread is so refreshing. All power to you OP and all you lovely ladies reclaiming your lives after ditching the deadwood. I'm a year down the line now and all is well. We rock!

Shine - the LP threads aren't revelling in misery, some people on there are finding it difficult. There is support there for those that don't feel the same as OP. Many posters on those threads are also happy to be single parents and are happy that way. Some people need advice and to share.

Happy for you that you don't.

OP - glad you're feeling good.

I'm happy and 10 months into the next stage in my life - can't believe I'm saying that.
I had been with my H 26 years, I never imagined getting over the split but I'm doing great, there is hope.
I cut all ties with him, no contact except for divorce/DC reasons, improved my social life, had a couple of dates and now have lovely new bf.
Be positive, keep smiling, life is good.

You're welcome, have another

I'm a single parent too (have bf), but I'm a long way down the line and delighted not to be with exh. But some people aren't so sorted, that's all.