Have you and your husband ever disagreed on something really big?

[spidermama]

I'm talking about big lifestyle choices .... like where to live, how to educate the kids, whether to have more kids .... this kind of thing.

There's no middle ground. It's a really important issue. One of us will win, one will lose. How do we decide?

Yes.

I wanted another baby, almost immediately after ds. He didn't. So I scowled at him for a number of months. Then he said we could if we got married. We did - he took it back! Now we're ttc and god damn it I can't get pregnant. I blame him.

Ouch Luna! He owes you big time.

God yes. I'm not consulting him on the next two.

I'm a bit of a hippy, compared to those around me. However I don't feel hippyish enough to be totally accepted by the festival community, yet I'm not straight enough to fit in with mainstream.

In order to convince dh I'm right, I need to meet home edders who don't have dreadlocks nor do their kids have mohichans nor do they play djembe drums in the local park.

I usually get my way so not yet
I think when I went another baby (after I've had this one of course!) we might face our first big disagreement, I'd really like 3, and he, so far, really doesn't. We'll see.

Hmmm, my exp and I disagreed on whether I should have our child (when pregnant), it was basically its me or the baby (to be), I chose the baby.

Only real disagreement so far - whether to have a third child. We hit real stalemate, but I'm afraid I sulked until dh gave in. Seriously, he could see that I was more unhappy at the prospect of not having another baby than he would be at the prospect of me being pregnant again. For us, he thought there was too much a risk (happy family, elderly prima gravida (sp?) mum (again!)etc etc. I just thought the family wouldn't be complete (and now I just damn can't get pg!)

I drag him to festivals all over the place. Not been to Womad yet but one day ...
I always feel more comfortable in that atmosphere. He loves music and dancing though, but says he feels unwelcome in a crowd of 'crusties'.
I have extreme leanings. (ahem). I spent a couple of weeks at tree camps before having kids.
In another life (or with another dh) I would perhaps have nurtured my dreadlocky-tree hugging-shamanic-organic-vegan-meditational-drumming-sweat-lodging side. And he knows it.

Oh no spidermama, don't ruin it and tell me you aven't got dreaklocks, that's so how I like to picture you

sorry about my typos.

Nope. Can't say we have. And he's the ONLY bloke I haven't had some serious disagreements with. That's why we're so good together.

weesadie. You're a strong woman.
Swamp, good luck with child no. 2 which I get the feeling is an inevitability.

jamiesam, MI, jac34, jayz and luna ... it seems the odds are stacked against men when it comes to decisions about whether to have more kids.

I know a man who wanted to stop at two. He's now on his fourth and has suddenly decided he wants six. I think he's trying to get his own back.

Aw thomcat sorry. I should've pretending. There is a beautiful tanned thin woman with dreadlocks just waiting to spring out of this tubby suburban exterior though.

Expat, that's lovely. Long may it continue. I mostly feel that way as dh and I have so much in common. That's why I'm a bit stumped as to how to respond now we disagree on something major.

Good advice trefusis. I'll maybe relax the timetable to allow for this.

Dreadlocks or no dreadlocks you're a beautiful woman spidermama , but the image of you with dark, shortish dreadlocks won't leave me now!

We even both agree on how many kids we want - two - and how we wanted them spaced. 2.5 years is how it worked out.

Spidermama....well I HE'd and I wouldnt consider myself weird!!!
I totally get what you mean though about not fitting in with the hippy festival goers etc....thats how I feel.
I think you need to try and find a "normal" family close by that HE and try and get together so that your DH can see we arent all tree huggers!

Aww thanks thomcat. I'll go to bed smiling now.

(I just had a though. I had to lice comb the kids again today. How, in Goddess's name, do you get lice out of dreads?)

Oh dh is also rebelling against his stereotypical role aka he works 40+ hours a week, to pay for me lounging at home, having the children and spending the money (not entirely true, I have the children, spend the money, but I don't lounge, I work from home!) He'd quite like to be a SAHD (minus cleaning responsibilities) , whereas I've already expressed my request to be a SAHM when no 4 pops out

Jayz, why did you decide to HE? Probably long and complex I know, but was there a main reason?
How are you getting on? I think you mentioned on another thread that you were putting them into school now? Is that right?

I don't think lice would live in dreads, I don't know actually?????

Lice, ohhh that's how I spent day one of my holidaze, getting rid of lice.

FWIW Spider I hope you get to give the HE a go, I think it's a wonderful thing and admire people who do it, good luck, whatever happens your kids are very lucky to have you as parents.

That's when I decided I had to stay home luna. After number 4.