Have you and your husband ever disagreed on something really big?

[spidermama]

I'm talking about big lifestyle choices .... like where to live, how to educate the kids, whether to have more kids .... this kind of thing.

There's no middle ground. It's a really important issue. One of us will win, one will lose. How do we decide?

[Thomcat]

My very normal, non dreadlocking, non-festival going friends HE their kids, they are very normal, cool, trendy, average people.

Ahhh, they are vegans thought, hmmm, maybe they weren't the best example !!!!! (joke)

[spidermama]

[jayzmummy]

DS2 has SN....ASD. He was being bullied by the headmaster really badly. Head didnt want SN children in his school....not good for SATS or OFSTED!!!!
Things got so bad that DS2 was running away from school and the school failed to tell me.
DS1 was at the same school and he was told by the Head not to tell us about DS2's escape acts. Finally one day DS2 escaped and made it out of school and onto a main road A neighbour saw him and called me at home to tell me she had found DS2 walking home!!!
DS2 was returned to school after having a week out and over a period of a further week he went down rapidly....to the extent that he tried to kill himself....an 8 year old...can you imagine what it feels like to know your 8 year old doesnt want to be alive anymore
That was it....no more school for Ds2 and he has been HO ever since.
He is starting special school part time from Sept and we will see how things go....but I have a feeling we will be HE him full time again by christmas, as I really dont think the special school is going to be the right place for him.

[spidermama]

Jayzmummy, what a shocking story. I'm so sorry. You must've been through hell with all that going on.

I remember evenings sitting at the computer reading up about HE through my tears because my dd was being bullied at her school.
I was very inspired the more I looked into it. However, things sorted themselves out for her, but I remember feeling slightly disappointed because I was geared up and looking forward to Home Educating.

It planted a seed which has been growing ever since. My ds has reacted badly to school in so many ways.

[jayzmummy]

Why SM?
How old is your DS?

[jayzmummy]

trefusis.
There are sooooo many HE children that have ASD.
IMO mainstream schools just arent geared up to accomaodate the children that have so many difficulties with social interaction, sensory problems etc.
The special school DS2 is going to is lovely and I am sure they have vast knowledge of ASD BUT it just doesnt feel the right place for DS2.
He appears to high functioning to be placed in a special school environment, even though he has learning difficulties as well as ASD, BUT he can not cope in a mainstream environmnet....no thats wrong!! Its more like they can't cope with him

[spidermama]

He's 5. I've been called in to talk to his teacher about disruptive behaviour three times in a year. The thing is, he's not at all disruptive at home. He seems to have a total character change at school. The holidays have been bliss with him back to his old, relaxed self.

He's a copmplex character, really bright and eager, impatitent even, to learn. He also has food intolerances and can turn really wild if he eats certain things.

These food intolerances seem to have made him fear marginalisation even more. He's terrified to open his lunchbox in front of people because they say, 'yuk'.

He used to be far more comfortable and confident with himself before he started at school, and this holiday I've seen the return of that happy little boy and it has made me realise he's still there.

Thanks for asking JM because I hadn't really thought it through and writing this is putting it into sharp focus.

[spidermama]

DD, who's at the same school as DS, tells me she's embarrassed because he's such a wild boy in the playground.

She's older than he is and she herself had a terrible time adjusting to school in reception. Some days I was almost in tears sending her. (I also frequently kept her off because she was so upset at having to go. DH was angry about this).

[jayzmummy]

Oh!! We have had the lunch box problem....DS2 is Lactose Intollerant and is on a yeast fee diet....you can imagine what the other children thought of the contents in DS2's lunchbox!!

[spidermama]

By the way, I'm just about to go on holiday with a friend whose ASD son is due to start school in Sept. She's been looking into all the options and is really worried about the whole situation. I think we'll spend the entire ten days talking about school and HE.

[spidermama]

Agreed trefusis. I don't think the institution of school, as it stands, is capable of catering for individual needs regardless of the teachers. It wasn't in my day and it isn't now.

For me the crunch time has arrived because we've had such a blissful holiday. They've thrived so much and we've pulled together as a family. I can't bear for all the stress to come back again and for the character chages. I resent having to send my kids off FIVE days a week.

Jayz ... my ds is allergic to wheat and dairy. He used to get a red face, mood swings, lots of snot and bad farts, but it cleared up just in time for school (phew!) when I discovered his intolerances.

[spidermama]

I was the only English person in my year at school in Aberdeen and thought this was the reason for my marginalisation.
16 years in London, followed by nearly four in Brighton and I'm beginging to realise that acutally I'm a little odd in every setting.

As for DH ... tough up-bringing. He thrived at despite being at a really bad school. He's still doing pretty well (an actor managing to support 4 kids). However, his older brother (who is probably un diagnosed AS by his own admission) was mercilessly bullied, as was his small group of friends. Their mistake was starting a camera club. He's now 40 and still suffering the fall-out.
DH's younger brother, meanwhile, sniffed glue, ended up in court, and had a son at 16.
All three are exceptionally bright and it seems to me dh had a lucky escape from the ravages of school.

[spidermama]

I'm off to bed. It's been nice talking to you.

I'll let you know whether I win round dh.

Goodnight Trefusis.