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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Should I be suspicious - help!

43 replies

lme30005 · 09/08/2010 13:40

I'm hoping you can give me an impartial view on my suspicions as I'm a bit confused as to what to do.

I went on to my husbands mobile phone account online as our broadband is on the same account and I wanted to look at the billing info. He saw me on there and got really funny about me being on his mobile phone account. This was quite unlike him so being a bit suspicious I looked at his bills when he wasn't around.

On his last bill were 369 texts to one number that I didn't recognise. The same month there were 34 and 27 texts to 2 other numbers. In May there 139 texts to another number. Looking back the last 6 months (there was nothing strange before that) there were 7 numbers in total with high numbers of text messages but no calls to them

He rarely goes out after work or evenings/weekends so I can't think he could have met someone. But why would he have sent 369 text messages to someone in less than a month? He doesn't have friends he does that with. Anyway, I rang one number this morning and pretended I'd got the wrong number and asked who it was - it was a woman called Sasha. I then rang another 4 numbers and they were all women.

I'm hoping it could be an error or that something else he uses is counted as a text message - he uses the internet on it but data downloads are listed separately. But now I've rung 5 of the numbers and got all women answering, I don't know what to think.

I know if I ask him he'll deny it or try and baffle me with technology as to why it's like that, or say it's a mistake. Unless I have concrete evidence he won't admit anything. He's never cheated before to my knowledge but doesn't seem disgusted by all these footballers constantly cheating. There hasn't been any messages for a few weeks now but in the last month he's been far more attentive, giving me compliments and telling me he loves me which is a bit of a change.

I really don't know what to think - any thoughts would be great. It's our 10th wedding anniversary this Friday and I really don't feel like celebrating!

Thanks

Lou

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 09/08/2010 13:43

Sounds suss to me, sorry. Can you google the number or ring it?

Wigeon · 09/08/2010 13:46

Can you discretely look at the texts he's been sending to the number he called 300+ times on his phone? Knowing the content of the texts would clear it up pretty quickly one way or another.

Surama · 09/08/2010 13:46

My guess would be one of those sex texting services.

PeppermintPasty · 09/08/2010 13:46

and to me too. sex lines?? or are you thinking an affair(tho you say he doesn't go out much). whgat about his work.

i would have it out with him, he is unlikely to be able to bluff away 369 texts to one number

Original poster

lme30005 · 09/08/2010 13:51

Thanks for the replies.

I'm thinking some sort of sex texting too - although I thought they were premium rate numbers and not normal 07 mobile numbers.

His phone is surgically attached to his hand - it goes everywhere with him. I managed to look at it the other day but could only find his inbox which had nothing suspicious in it, and I couldn't find his sent items

He works hard but is always home on time and rarely goes out so I can't think he would have time to physically see someone.

I really hoped it would be nothing but I think I'm going to have to ask him.

Thanks

OP posts:

Wigeon · 09/08/2010 13:54

How about looking at the phone when he's in the shower/ bath?

Hope that this is nothing to worry about but def worth pursuing (fortunately I don't speak from personal experience!).

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/08/2010 14:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CelticBanshee · 09/08/2010 14:09

Meeting women online, then swapping numbers?

That would be my bet

I think you've enough to go on, confront him asking who the fuck is Sasha? He can't think you're that technologically dim that you'd possibly believe any rubbish about it being accidental? Does he think you're stupid?

proudnsad · 09/08/2010 14:09

It doesn't sound good, how horrible for you. I bet there is a big part of you that wants to stick your head in the sand and not pursue your detective work. But you have to know.

I agree it sounds like sex texting.

I'm really sorry, I hope you are ok?

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/08/2010 14:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

atswimtwolengths · 09/08/2010 14:14

Does your partner spend a lot of time online? If so, he could have met someone online that he texts a lot. He obviously isn't paying for the texting as they're not premium rate numbers.

What about night time? Is there any way you could get it off him when he's asleep? I think you do have to find out what's going on and if he won't tell you, then you have to find other means.

Original poster

lme30005 · 09/08/2010 14:21

He does spend ages on his iphone - he can access the internet through that and I'd never know what sites he'd been on. I guess meeting people online and texting them does seem the most likely explanation.

Looking at the texts, most of them seem to be in the evenings when I'm there in the same room! No wonder he's concerned about me being tired and saying I should go to bed early and he'll feed the baby.

Starting to feel worse now that the reality of it is sinking in

OP posts:

CelticBanshee · 09/08/2010 14:27

Aw, he's a bollox :(

I'd go apeshit in your shoes, would text and tell him not to bother coming home that he can fuck off to one of his text buddies

I can be dramatic though

Original poster

lme30005 · 09/08/2010 14:30

lol CelticBanshee, part of me would love to do that!

OP posts:

ccpccp · 09/08/2010 14:56

You already know where this one is going I think.

Get hard evidence by calling one of the numbers and finding out 100% what these women do. Call from a pay phone and be assertive.

Or get a male friend to do it.

Husband has been a naughty boy. He knows it, and he suspects you are starting to know it also.

StealthPolarBear · 09/08/2010 15:03

you poor thing

Original poster

lme30005 · 09/08/2010 15:43

I just really want to know now, and if there's anything to tell I hope he has the decency to own up. I don't want to get too upset or angry until I know everything.

The texts go back to December - when I was pregnant and ill. Nice.

Thanks for all your messages. He'll be home in a few hours. Will let you know if you were all right!

Lou

OP posts:

RumourOfAHurricane · 09/08/2010 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

DrunkenDaisy · 09/08/2010 17:18

What at 139 texts to one number??

Sounds like a dirty old sex-pest to me. Sorry.

PosieParker · 09/08/2010 17:22

Type the number into Google and it will tell you what the number is if it's one of those numbers.

CheekyLittleSox · 09/08/2010 18:04

Yes type the number into Google, see if it brings anything up. Itemised billing is great isnt it!
I found stuff out through Itemised billing and still feel obliged to check each month, even though i KNOW my DH is faithful to me i still have this insecurity that i have to check it. Dont know why

Let us know what he says

Original poster

lme30005 · 09/08/2010 18:19

I can't find anything on Google for any of the numbers so they must be someone's normal mobile numbers.

He'll be home soon so we'll get the kids to bed then I'll ask and see what his reaction is. It'll be interesting to see whether he's thought of a cover story already in case he got found out. Hopefully he won't have thought that far.

OP posts:

DuelingFanjo · 09/08/2010 18:23

is it an iphone? Don't text messages on there come up in one long string of messages a bit like Instant messaging?

If it were me I would text the number myself with something like 'hey there you' and see what reaction I got.

Tippychoocks · 09/08/2010 18:27

Sounds like he's meeting women online then texting them. The chatline texts cost more I think so would be in a different section of the bill I bet.
I am soooo not trying to make light of your horrible situation OP (been there) but I would lay good money that he swears blind the mobile company has made a mistake

thedevilwearspampers · 09/08/2010 18:35

If I were you, I'd get the proof from one of the girls before confronting him; that way he can't fob you off. Only because my DH is a brilliant liar under pressure, though, and I crumble if I'm not 100% clued up, then I mull it over later and kick myself.

So sorry for you, what a shitebag. Especially re your pg.

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