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Original poster

in your partnership, who pays for what? (if you don't mind me asking)

39 replies

allesklar · 08/08/2010 14:31

just that, really. My bloke and I have begun talking about moving in together. I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship. One of the control mechanisms my ex used was money. As a result, I don't have a clue about what is "fair" in a partnership.

So - how do you do it?

OP posts:
bronze · 08/08/2010 14:33

I pay for pretty much everything (apart from fuel to his car- simply because I am not there)
he earns all the money Grin

bronze · 08/08/2010 14:34

On a more serious note

I see it like the time thing. You both pay in all you have and then whats left after necessities is divided

mousymouse · 08/08/2010 14:34

joint account where everything goes in and out.

diddl · 08/08/2010 14:37

Well, my husband earn all the money, I have access to it all!

I can spend what I like as long as I leave enough for bills, food etc!

LibertyGibbet · 08/08/2010 14:40

I am a SAHM, dh's wages are paid into a joint account to which we both have access. It's our money.

Shodan · 08/08/2010 14:40

DH pays all bills.

He puts money in my account every month for household stuff including groceries.

We don't have a joint account- this was my choice. CB gets paid into my account.

This is perhaps less common than having a joint account, particularly as I am a SAHM, but this is the way I wanted it, after years of struggling to pay bills with my xh and as a single mother. Plus DH is far better at financial management than I am.

But if I wanted to change the set-up, we'd do it whichever way I wanted to.

turkeyboots · 08/08/2010 14:50

I cover childcare, food and clothing. He covers rent and household bills. Its a roughly even split, and we earn roughly the same amount.

Play to your strengths (or anxieties). For instance DH is useless at money management, so he covers all the DD type bills, so the money just goes without any problems. I do the weekly budget as I like to know I have £X at any given time and hate having no access to cash. Works for us.

serenity · 08/08/2010 14:50

We don't have a joint account, but I don't want one (I'm crap with money, although have improved over the years!)

DH works full time. He pays all the household bills and rent, and also the monthly food shop. Any major purchases, that would need a loan (ie the car, big items we put on the Argos card) he pays for.

I work p/time and pay for car insurance and upkeep, personal loans, and various catalogues (generally for clothes) I also buy food in between the monthly delivery.

Anything else is paid for by whoever has the money at the time (Dh is paid in the middle of the month, I get paid at the end) We're pretty skint atm (paying off having a massive financial crisis a few years ago) so there's no spare money to worry about. If I needed money and DH had it he'd give it to me and vice versa, although we have separate accounts we don't grab it as 'my' money and 'his' money.

Meglet · 08/08/2010 14:52

I think Bronzes suggestion is good. I know some people that do that and it seems pretty fair.

SanctiMoanyArse · 08/08/2010 14:53

Ours is a bit different as a system and has evolved rather than been planned but

DH has wages, student loan, TCs and CB paid into his account; he pays for all expenses of living and anything exytra negotiated between us such as Christmas gifts for boys. I have access to this if needed and know PINs to that and his work account (self employed) for my own sense of safety.

I get DLA for the boys and my carer's allowance paid into mine and the DLA goes on the boys and the CA on family stuff- uniforms, clothes, etc. I try and contriibute a bit to things dh may pay for as treats but proportionately.

We've both been holder of main oncome at various pints and have the trust; I wouldn't use this set up with a new partner though.

mamasunshine · 08/08/2010 14:54

All money goes into a joint account. Pay for all bills etc out of it, as long as dc's have everything they need then we treat ourselves. Either treats as a family to enjoy, or seperately depending on what is wanted each time. It's always very fair in our house money wise Smile For e.g if dh wants to go out drinkng one night, I get to buy a dress or something!

Habbibu · 08/08/2010 14:56

We budget, and now I'm not working, DH pays the budgeted amount for all household expenses into the joint a/c - the rest gets split into joint savings and our own individual accounts. When I was working p/t, we each paid a % of the joint money into the joint account, leaving us with exactly the same "spending money". We never argue about money, as this is perfectly equitable, and having only a set amount of money in the joint a/c helps us not overspend.

notnowbernard · 08/08/2010 14:57

We have our own accouts

I pay the mortgage

He does all the bills and most of the grocery shopping (I sometimes do if I've got more in my account than him)

Insurance is split (he does motors and building, I do pet and home)

But we treat each others money as our own, really. Money/finances have never been an issue for us as a couple (I mean, we've been skint and are by no means loaded now, but we've never argued or had issues over who gets what/pays for what etc etc)

loves2walk · 08/08/2010 14:59

I like to have my own money as well as contribute to family/couple things, but I need my bit of personal cash in a separate account so if I want to take H out for a meal, or buy him birthday present, that is then my own choice and he can't see how much I;ve spent.

So, all our income goes into a joint account and that pays for all bills for house, family etc. Each month a direct debit comes out of joint account into his sole account and my sole account of an equal amount of 'spending' money. That way we both have our little private stash.

It is always equal no matter what we both earn. That way when I was on maternity leave, I still had as much 'spending' money as H even though I earnt nothing for months.

Works for us!

nagoo · 08/08/2010 15:00

We have a joint account that takes all our basic wages less about £200 each for frivoloity and 'unjustified' purchases. I earn more, so I put more in.

Overtime is mine though.

All the bills come out by DD, with a contingency in the account for disasters or dates!

GeekOfTheWeek · 08/08/2010 15:04

We pay in 50/50 to all bills.

I have my own current account and savings account.

Astronaut79 · 08/08/2010 15:07

Set amount goes into joint account each month to pay for boring stuff (bills, a new fence, weekly shop, mortgage etc). Occasionally we both have to agree on a sum to top it up. The rest is our own. When we used to go out for meals (ha!) we used to take turns paying, or if we went to watch a film as well, one of us'd do film; the other, meal.

I'm the only one who can draw money out teh JA, as DH lost his card. Not a bad thing, 'cos I'm more likely to be shopping for baby clothes etc than him. The only problem was that when on maternity, I had to actually remember to use the JA more and to prompt Dh to put his hand in his pocket a bit more.

TBH, I think the main thing to do is make talking about money a fairly regular and ordinary thing so it doesn't become a big deal. I had a 3 yr relationship with a complete waster who bled me dry, so I was adamant from the first that we'd split everything. Interestingly, so did Dh and for that reason, we're both completely honest with each other about money.

feralgirl · 08/08/2010 15:09

We have sweet fa money so everything goes into a joint account for the bills and a small amount goes into another joint account for other stuff (e.g. food, petrol, fun).

We don't have any individual money and I control all of it as DH is pissing useless. I earn more so I pay more.

I do really like the idea of the pocket money thing that loves2walk has though, but I know that DH would spuff all his in the first week and be sponging off me for the rest of the month!

TrappedinSuburbia · 08/08/2010 15:22

We don't have much, i work pt he works ft, all the wages, cb, tax credits go into my account, I pay everything basically because I have all the money.
I think dp finds it a relief not to have to bother, if he wants money he just takes my card and uses it. No issues here with cash.

CatButler · 08/08/2010 15:32

What a timely thread - have just got back from supermarket fuming and wondering if anyone else lives like myself and DP shopping/money wise.

Me and DP have been together 10 years this July and we know nothing whatsoever about each others finances (it'd be easier cracking a safe than to get him to talk money :) )

He gives me the rent in cash each month but seems utterly surprised each time I ask him to go halves on the food shop with me so must think that the rent money covers everything. Pfft......I wish :)

I really love this site - it's so wonderful to read about other people's experiences/ways of doing things and knowing I'm not going mad lol

sarah293 · 08/08/2010 15:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Ilythia · 08/08/2010 15:55

DH earns, I am sahm.
DH pays all bills apart from my phone out of his account.
I get the child benefit and tax credits in my account and DH gives me some money. If I run out then I get more from his account.
I pay for food, clothes for girls and some of the petrol.

I am Not Good with money and we don't have enough anyway, which is why we do it this way as I can budget properly with a known amount.

(we are not allowed a joint account as I am such a bad credit risk his bank won't have meBlush)

Original poster
allesklar · 08/08/2010 15:58

tks for the replies so far!

OP posts:
undercovamutha · 08/08/2010 16:02

DH works ft and I work pt.

As DH has a (expensive) hobby and I love shopping!, we agreed that we would pool our money and than take the same amount out each per month for treats/hobby.

So as an example, if DH earnt £1000pm and I earnt £600pm, he would pay £800pm into joint a/c and I would pay £400pm. Therefore we would both get left with £200 each month.

This means that we are equal, despite who earns the most.

Nettee · 08/08/2010 16:08

We have a current account and savings account each and a joint account. Each get paid into our own accounts and top up the joint account for DD type bills. Then I organise paying for other bills by looking in all the accounts and seeing which can afford it. I think it would be simpler just to have one joint current account to be honest but it would be time consuming and complicated to change the arrangements now.