in your partnership, who pays for what? (if you don't mind me asking)

[allesklar]

just that, really. My bloke and I have begun talking about moving in together. I am a survivor of an emotionally abusive relationship. One of the control mechanisms my ex used was money. As a result, I don't have a clue about what is "fair" in a partnership.

So - how do you do it?

As my boyf moved into my flat, where everything is in my name, he set up a direct debit into my account to pay roughly half the bills. The amount he pays was based on the total bills and the fact I earn a little more than him, so I pay a bit more. Food shopping/stuff needed for the flat we take then turn about to pay for pretty much. When we buy a place together in a couple of years we'll set up a joint account that we'll both pay into to pay bills etc.

I am a SAHM, I used to own a house and we sold that last year to fund buying a larger house this year. So, since the house was entirely mine, I will now feel that our new house was only possible because of my contribution. Which feels important, when I'm at home with the children and unable to make any other financial contribution.

DH earns the money, and makes over a certain amount to my account (we still have separate accounts for some reason. I sort of like it like that) because I do all the food shopping, clothes and stuff for DS, petrol, and my things, etc. I also pay the internet and tv license from my share. This is all pretty arbitrary since he earns the money!

Though we're very relaxed about him being the bread-winner at present, and he always points out that I look after DS and DC-to-be and we pay no childcare costs, I know I'll feel more comfortable when they're at school and I can get some work. Don't know what, or when, though.

DH earns the money I am a SAHM - all money goes into a joint account to pay the bills and what little is left is there for whoever wants it.

The way I see it is that DH would not be able to work without me at home to do everything so we play a joint part in him earning the family income

I'm definitely in the minority, on here and in RL.

We pool everything, both our wages (I earn much more than him!) go into a joint account and everything comes out of there.

Simple as. I don't really get the 'your money, my money' thing tho obviously I will be singing a different tune if things ever went wrong between us.

we do the same as proudnsad - all money goes into our joint account and everything goes out of there. We've got a joint savings account too. We have 2dc, though aren't married, and I agree with cat64 - once you're a family and in a long term relationship a joint account is easier. With a relatively new partner what would be mine would be mine and his his

what cat and lal have said is partly the issue. I would very much be the junior partner in terms of assets brought in.

what of the people out there who are newly partnered up and making a second go of it all?

We add up all of our outgoings every month, and then divide them up so that we both get left with the same amount at the end. I earn more, so I pay more of the bills now, but in the past it's been the other way around. We've never had a joint account (apart from for saving) as I think it would be too difficult to figure out how much we had left!

my ex was very much like yours - we had one 'pot' for our money, both worked FT until DS came along then I was a SAHM.

i've talked with DP about it in the event of moving in (very new so all pie in the sky at the mo) as I basically will never do a joint account agin in the sense of one pot all money. The suggestion put forward so far is that we both have our wages (my wages TC's maint/CB etc) into our own accounts and then transfer a % of our wages each into a joint account literally for bills only plus extra for bigger stuff. however he's already said as he earns more mine will be proportioned (literally my wages only not the top ups)

so for example if his take home is twice mine then he'll put in twice what I do. When he's away he's used to leaving his card behind anyhow incase home needs something urgently so the cash is there ready.

mostly it's finding what works for you.

DP also knows that I'll always have an 'escape' fund squirrled away somewhere which he won't be able to touch as when XH/I split I literally couldn't even put nappies on DS's bottom it was beyond broke. main thing is keep talking to your P.

Everything goes into a joint account. DH deals with all bills except school fees, bizarrely. But it's just one of those odd divisions of labour, given that all the money is shared anyway. I quite like him not knowing how much the fees bill is.

We are both working so joint account for joint stuff. It pays all bills, food, rent etc.

Both put the same amount in each month. At the end of the month money left over goes to a holiday account, and the joint account gets refilled with the new monthly payments.

The rest is kept separate. Biggest mistake people can make is to join all funds together. Most relationships dont end in marriage and one person always gets screwed financially.

DP and I used this site when we were talking about moving in together. I recommend it, it made us think about a lot of issues that would never have occurred to me otherwise - until they became potential problems. I'm also the junior financial partner - no assets and a tiny income, while DP owns his own mortgage home and earns several times my income.

We found the template for a 'living together agreement' that you can download from that site a really useful way of working out together what principles we'd use so that payments/(non-)ownership seem fair to both of us, and to agree how often we would re-assess the arrangements.

Me and dp both have about the same take home pay at the end of the month. We are also both pretty touchy about keeping our own money our business so don't have a joint account. At the moment I am by far the most financially organised of us so we came to an arrangement where dp pays me a lump sum by dd every month that covers rent and bills. Everything else gets pretty evenly split as we go along and we generally don't worry about it too much. I think this arrangement might end up changing with us getting a joint account but keeping our own as well when we get a kid and or mortgage. Though saying that I have a friend who has just got a house with her dh and they don't have a joint account so it isn't obligatory.

Everything is in my name as DH moved into my house when we got married. The Sky is in his name but that's it.

I work pt, he works ft, and each month he gives me a cheque for approx 2/3 of his pay. We could easily have a joint acc but he is crap with money so it suits us - I put some into savings and ISAs every month, he gives me less if he has had an expensive month.

Like undercovermutha, DH has a ££ hobby and I like To Shop a bit so it's reasonably fair.

If we have a slight surplus I move to to overpay the mortgage - DH would see money and spend it! We are both public sector so not high wages, we just live below our means really - too small cheap house, very old battered hatchback instead of the family car we need really, but no sleepless nights