Sorry that you are going through this. If your marriage cant be saved, then I would go and get advice as soon as you can. When I went through my divorce, having got to the same stage as you (selfish, abusive, bullying H), I was told under NO circumstances to leave the house. If I left on my own (I couldnt bear another moment with H) then I would probably have a fight to regain my children and I would be seen as abandoning them. And if I left with the children, then it would be hard to be allowed to get back the family home. This was a few years ago, so I dont know the law now.
However, it took more than a year, but basically the solicitor was able to make him
leave after he had had ample opportunity to search for a place of his own. I felt terrible guilt at doing this, but it was the only way as I too was SAHM mum with nowhere to go. Also, I had had so many years of abuse from him, yet no guilt whatsoever from him for what he had done to me and the kids. So you should seek advice to see if you can make him leave.
I would also remind your H that he is able to have the lifestyle he has as you are doing his share of childcare!I am sure if you counted the hours, every day of the week, every week of the year it would amount to a lot more than you are receiving just for you (and that includes nights and weekends). As well as cooking, cleaning, ironing etc) for him and his share of the kids! Maybe if he paid you for your services you can afford a place of your own!
Why dont you have a chat to your mum as that might help you to get through this.
It doesnt sound as if you have anything to lose and lots to gain by divorcing him. And probably the children will benefit as he obviously isnt a good role model and at least you will be in a happier place.