Cannot bear to live with this selfish pig a moment longer...but have nowhere to go.

[AlisonDubois]

God, am so angry. I honestly don't think I can bear to spend one more night under the same roof( the one that HE pays for, as he is ALWAYS telling me) with my selfish, self-centred, I'm alright Jack, twat of a DH.
Problem is I have nowhere to go. If it was just me, I would be packing my bag right now and heading for the next hotel. But 3 DC's will not take kindly to being bundled off to a tiny hotel room with a very pissed off mother.
I know if I apply for social housing it could take months. Can't go to a refuge because DH hasn't actually done anything wrong...not physically abusive, etc. I just can't stand his up his own arse attitude any longer.Have even removed my wedding ring as it seems such a joke now to continue wearing it.
So WWYD?

AD...stay, yes, but only while you set the wheels in motion to free yourself from him

we live in a western society

you are not compelled to stay married to someone if you don;t want to be, and he will be forced to support the children

find another solicitor, request a free half-hour and get some proper advice

speak to CAB and find out about every benefit you can claim

get all your ducks lined up

negativity will keep you there...do you want to be in the same position 10 years from now ?

I lived for 3 years under the same roof as the now ex-H I was then desperately trying to divorce while I waited for the Court to force teh sale of our house.

I'd have seized any opportunity I could to get myself and the kids out of that house - a garden shed would have been OK.

What's wrong with moving them to your mother's spare bedroom while you sort yourself out? I presume she also has a living room you could camp in temporarily?

Not ideal but if you are really that desperate you'd be doing it.

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I agree with whoever said that when you are actively making plans to rid yourself of this man you will feel better even though he continues to be a selfish knob. Because you will see an end in sight. You can also, of course, priotize yourself and DC in the daily running of the household - you say the H isn't violent, so you will not be in danger if you tell him the marriage is over and don't bother with any of the domestic service that's just for his benefit.

Or make his tea, and spit in it. (Wouldn't do it myself, but I'd enjoy thinking about it. Wouldn't waste good spit on him.)

Are you doing anything for him at present? (Eg ironing, cooking andcleaning) If so, I'd cease forthwith.

Ironed a shed load of clothes last night...took my anger out on ironing board. Did not 1 item for him.
I slept in different room last night. When he got up this morning his response was...not a peep. No queries as to why, just sat on sette with his Blackberry again. I mean, who the hell do you text or message or whatever at 7.00am?
He has 'gone to work' but will be back in an hour or so to get ready to go and play golf for the rest of the day. Well that's where he says he's going...wish it was another woman, hopefully he will bugger off and live with her. I should be so lucky!
Still at least if he's out of the house me and DC's can relax and do what WE want for a change.

If you want to stay in the family home then in the work out whether with maintainance and any benefits you are entitled to you can afford it.

If you cannot take over the mortgage because of income, it can be an order of the court that you can stay in the family home until your children leave fulltime education and you then agree how the equity will be split, or your DH can be bound to the mortgage until such a point when you can take it over.

Speak to Rights of Women, they are very helpful.

You need to see a different solicitor - they are not all created equally. Find one the specialises in this kind of thing.

Use the day to call around and make an appointment with a different solicitor, Womens Aid, Rights of Women, CAB etc

Take action
File for divorce

Start squirelling away any money you can etc

You will feel so much better for having a plan.

OH and DON'T tell dickhead what you are doing, just smirk back at him.

I am in the same position and have had advise from lovely people on here. Finally got to see a solicitor which has given me back some control in my head. Try not to wonder why why he is acting like this and keep thinking that you are a better person than him, enjoy the time with your kids when he is out of the house and gather together any money you can. Make a plan and you will feel stronger and less inclined to feel angry about him - he is not worth your energy.

Does he drink too much? Sometimes men who drink behave like this, even on days when they haven't been drinking.

Remember that no-one can hurt your feelings without your permission. You only need you to make yourself happy. Don't give him the power here by letting him make you sad or angry. Your happiness = your responsibility. A great book on relationships is 'I Need Your Love, Is that True?' by Byron Katie. (and I know you don't need his love, but it's worth a read anyway.)

It sounds like you are choosing to stay for the sake of your dc. Remember that this is a choice that you are making. Get a plan so that you will be making different choices in the future.

Just start divorce proceedings - the house sale situation will be sorted out between your solicitors. But see if you can get hold of evidence of what he's earning now, before you split. There's case law now that doing it by subterfuge later will mean it can't be used as evidence so you'll need to get it now. If he's self employed he may start claiming to be on the breadline.