really lonely

[alwayssearchingforanswers]

I would just like a bit of advice about feeling really lonely atm.
I am married but not happily and not separating straight away as the dcs are happy at home and I don't want to move them.
I do want to be on my own but can't work it out.
I have friends,have a few old boyfriends I chat with but don't feel very attractive anymore,am 48 and feel quite lonely and altho I try to hide it think it must justbe me that feels like this.

I never felt like this when the dcs were little but now they are older I feel all alone :-(

Hi always
Sometimes it can feel even more lonely with OH present if you're not communicating. If you were not together you could better understand the feeling of loneliness.

How old are your dc?

I'm the same age as you, recently separated and understand how it can feel - I felt worse when dp was here!

If separation has been discussed, is it not an option for dh to leave (less disruption for dc?)

Am so sorry you feel this way. Do you think you may be depressed? Maybe a chat with your GP could help. I suffered from post natal depression years ago but never would have thought I was depressed, just felt lost and panicky all the time.
If I'm barking up the wrong alley do you keep busy (silly question with kids i know)/ work/do things you enjoy/know whatwould make you happy?

Sorry you are feeling like this just now its rubbish when we get down.Maybe writing it all down will help Always .Thinking of all the things you love doing but maybe dont get a chance to these days but could help you find a way of getting out there again.Or things you always wanted to do but never had the opportunity.When my H left i discovered friends i never really knew i had and discovered a lot of friends i thought i had werent really friends at all.But i had to get out there myself and start trying things out.Its amazing how one thing can lead to another once you get started.Do you work or fancy doin some voluntary work?Do one thing "special"for yourself tomorrow ,you are unique and wonderful

Thankyou for replies
I am not depressed,just want more affection and [I admit] attention than I have .
My marriage has ground me down and the disappointment of it definitely being over is making me a bit sad.
but mainly it is just as if I want more that everyone else...seem to need people more and maybe not very good at getting that attention?

I've also done some counselling to work on my self esteem.Wasnt in a "great " relationship so left me a bit "weak" emotionally.I learned to love myself more and take care of myself better emotionally.I think i dont "need" other people now as much as i used to but im actually happier and understand my feelings better so i am more confident and make better decisions day to day. Just might give you a bit of peace with what is going on in your life ATM .So much to think about for you re H and dcs .Big hugs ,take care x

Sure you don't want more than everyone else. It sounds more like you are not getting what most people ( if you're lucky enough)have and need. Love and affection. Maybe you need to look outside of your family to find it. The volunteer thing is a great idea. Obviously idealy you would want to get those things from your partner but while thats not on the cards until you are able to leave and explore new relationships, helping other people would I am sure give you some feeling of being valuable.
It so cheesey but so true helping other people makes you feel good about yourself.

Agree with Happy ,Love and affection should be the foundations in every marriage

Patience thankyou for your kind words..
the kindness of strangers always amazes me!!

I am very kind and do help other people for a living,just maybe need to work a bit on heping myself

I am beginning to think there is something fundamentally wrong with me...I often want a bit more from friends etc... difficult to express

for example am in touch with ex bf...but I want to be in touch with him all the time and he just e mails every other day or so...so I have to follow suit and not look desperate obviously
?

As it sounds as if you will be with your husband for quite a while yet is there any way you could work together to make the relationship more companiable ( I'm assuming you it's not)?

I don't think so...altho he is more polite atm,the relationship has broken down because of his insults and treating me badly...he is only being better because he knows I want him to leave and it's over

Any chance he may genuinly want to change or that you could forgive him?

Not telling you what to do at all Always but i cant recommend counselling enough for this kind of stuff because i turned my life around{i am only taking my first baby steps }But if you think of it as a bit of a spring clean emotionally ,a bit of a tune up and a bit of pampering it might be worth a try .Sometimes the people we live with wear us down and we need a bit of help getting back on track ,a bit of help with getting a perspective on things.All about regaining our fabulosity and help us get back to firing on all cylinders.You'll be fine take care and def do something lovely tomorrow,baby steps remember x

Remember just being yourself is good enough,nobody should be insulting you x

He loves me but is not a very nice person anymore and has let me down too much,I can't forgive him.

I want to live on my own,see my friends,have my own life,but I will still be lonely probably...othe people never seem to want me as much as I want them

sorry that is extemely self pitying...seems sometimes I'm not sure how to deal with my feelings

hi always...i know exactly how you feel. I have been the same for years. Searching for love, happiness, fun, affection. and also a close female friend to go out with for a glass of wine or a meal. I am now 54,always been single but have 2 wonderful boys of 22 and 17.5 years. I cant remember the last time i had a passionate kiss or hug or anything for that matter and i really crave it. I hate sleeping alone..

I know what you mean about others not wanting you as much as you want them..it hurts so much. I would love friends to "drop in for coffee " or even phone. It always seems to be a one way street doesnt it?

alypaly...I sort of know the answer deep down but forget it sometimes...it's to do with caring a lot about everyone else but about not asking for what you want at the same time
I am proud of who I am but do feel sad about this sometimes

It's really nice that you understand...and brave of you to say so

i am always asking people ot drop in or come for a meal.....maybe its me....but i very rarely get asked back.

I was once told that married couples(women) are more wary of having a single woman in the house as they feel threatened. I dont want anyone's hubby....i would just love some nice friends for some laughs and conversation.

Are you quite sucessful or good at lots of things and seemingly independant.

hi alypaly...I thought I replied to this last night but seems not!!
I think it is down to personality...I am sort of half introvert half extrovert...or a very sensitive extrovert you might say...I notice friends who are more extrovert just invite everyone all the time and don't care if they are invited back or not!!
I will never be like that,I care too much about what people think but I do try to remember it's true...and not read too much into things

For me it is about getting out there more,issuing more invitations and enjoying that side of my life more...and one thing leads to another I guess
Have you tried doing something with other people instead of inviting them home..like an activity?You sound really nice,maybe the people you are mixing with are not looking for friends or are too busy?

I play badminton 2-3 times a week and have acquaintances there, but nothing else. I often invite others to come down to the club ,infact i have just asked a neighbour who has welcomed the chance for some exercise.

Im a bit like you....im quite outgoing when asked to do things and i dont mind organising things too. But i think underneath i am quite shy but i try to hide it by being half extrovert.

I just wish i had someone to love and someone to love me back and have fun with. I sometimes feel that life is flashing by and i want to enjoy it with someone kind,funny and loyal.And to have a handful of close friends. Everyoneseems so busy in their own stuff,so insular. I love company and the thought of being able to pick up the phone to a close friend. But heyho....if it happens it happens.....i dont want to over try to get friends as it looks so obvious.I wonder if there is something wrong with me at times. Have i got two heads.
I feel that i am a 'normal' mum with 2 wondeful boys who have made me soooo happy but one has flown the nest and DS2 is 17.5 yrs and will soon be going.

Dont get me wrong,i do enjoy my own company and can cope ok with that...but it would be nice to be needed . IYGWIM

i have also invited people to my caravan for a bbq or the weekend...nothing happens(sorry had one person come)

I wonder if everyone feels the same and they just put on a facade.

I do think everyone feels the same...
where are you in the uk aly?

im in stockport ,where are you?

Aly, I live close to you. Recently separated and know the problem about finding people to hang out with. I do have a large circle of friends but most of them are in relationships or have young kids and it's hard sometimes when you just fancy going out for a drink or to the cinema.