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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

really lonely

38 replies

alwayssearchingforanswers · 01/08/2010 23:27

I would just like a bit of advice about feeling really lonely atm.
I am married but not happily and not separating straight away as the dcs are happy at home and I don't want to move them.
I do want to be on my own but can't work it out.
I have friends,have a few old boyfriends I chat with but don't feel very attractive anymore,am 48 and feel quite lonely and altho I try to hide it think it must justbe me that feels like this.

I never felt like this when the dcs were little but now they are older I feel all alone :-(

OP posts:
alwayssearchingforanswers · 02/08/2010 20:17

aly...sorry am not nearby but happy to e mail if you like..if I knew what CAT is I would CAT you !!

OP posts:
alypaly · 03/08/2010 00:52

hi berries,where abouts are you. You are lucky having a large circle of friends.Thats brilliant.

Sorry you are not nearby always...we sound quite similar. At least you are still a spring chick at 48how old are your children

alypaly · 04/08/2010 00:25

where has everyone gone

berries · 04/08/2010 17:11

Sorry Aly, kids came back from holiday with their dad yesterday so bit manic at the moment. I'm in Wilmslow, so pretty close to you really. Usually go out round Wilmlsow or in Manchester.

How about you?

Same age as always btw.

alypaly · 05/08/2010 01:45

im in cheadle hulme actually,so we are quite close.
I dont really go out much other than to play sport. I literally dont have any female friends to go out with.I occasionally go out with a coulpe of close male friends when they come up to visit ...but one lives in Oxford,so its not that often.
I would love to go out more for a drink or a meal but i would feel a bit odd just sat on my own. I went to the Merlin a few weeks ago but i felt a bit self conscious on my own =(

Im not weird or anything...our friends all disappeared when i split up with my ex. They were great when we were together and used to come round for meals etc but then just vanished.

berries · 07/08/2010 21:19

hey aly, would be happy to meet up for a coffee and a chat one day, even if its about who we know on mn. Can you CAT me?

Karmamama01 · 08/08/2010 16:22

Loneliness is so hard.

Some good clubs out around. Maybe try seeing whats available in your area

ItsGraceActually · 09/08/2010 21:08

Hello, Always

I found this thread after reading your recent posts about 'snooping'. I'm sorry you feel so down. What you've said here, about wanting more than people can give, makes me very sad to hear because this is not how life normally is.

While human relationships are transactions, with roughly equal give-and-take on all sides (parent-child relationships being the exception), the transaction is rather woolly in nature. It tends to play out over time, too, so one side might be doing more taking for a while with the other side compensating - probably in different 'currency' - later on.

Your other posts suggest a very rigid view of human behaviour, acceptability and variability. Some of the things you've said here, too, seem to imply that you expect like-for-like returns on your 'investments' in other people. Thinking like this will, quite simply, piss people off. We are taught from childhood, with good reason, that in order to make friends we must make offers. Either this lesson passed you by, or you didn't realise the return may not be immediate or equal.

I wonder if you've ever been to counselling, or perhaps tried some self-help psychotherapy workbooks? If so, what emerged from your study?

Your posts almost sound as though you might be suffering from a disorder, like BPD or Asperger's, which gives you an abnormal (not necessarily wrong) approach to emotional matters. Obviously I'm not trying to diagnose you, merely asking you to consider whether you've always felt different and, if so, how so?

Hope I haven't offended you ...

alwayssearchingforanswers · 09/08/2010 21:14

That is nice of you grace but no actually I am quite normal I think...I am so strident on the rel board cos people like AF really do seem to me to be too much in the other direction of overly sanctifying marriage...they are very strident on there themselves and am playing devils advocate to a degree... but I do believe in high standards of behaviour and respect for other peoples rights though and hate bullying

OP posts:
alwayssearchingforanswers · 09/08/2010 21:25

lol at "abnormal, not necessarily wrong"

OP posts:
ItsGraceActually · 09/08/2010 21:32

Well, abnormal just means "out of the usual range". I'm "abnormally" intelligent, so there Grin

alwayssearchingforanswers · 09/08/2010 21:52

yes i'm abnormally outraged tonight too lol

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/08/2010 14:39

I am sorry you feel so down, always

Nobody should have to feel lonely, it is a shit feeling

Especially since you are actually in a relationship.

there was a thread on here recently where someone said (am paraphrasing) "what usually good things do you have too much of at the moment?"

some people said stuff like biscuits, I said "my own company" and then realised I hadn't actually ever acknowledged that to myself before Confused

anyways, I hope you feel better soon

aly...don't mean to sound nosy/stalkerish but you are in my rough area and mentioned a caravan...where do you have it ? I told ya you should have come to the Manchester MN meetup...

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