where do i start.... after 10 years of marriage, 6 of which i can say were very happy my wife told me 4 weeks ago that "i love you but i'm not in love with you". I am devestated.
She says we have simply grown apart and with me working away from home for the most of our married life, she says she simply does n't need me for anything anymore. I have suggested counselling and she has agreed to go as i suppose a last resort try everything approach.
I suppose it all started 4 years ago when i forced her into an abortion, we had both agreed that we would not have anymore children and she fell pregnant accidentally. I did not want another child and after alot of arguments she agreed to the abortion. We already had two young children of 4 and 2 (both boys)and i was very concerned that she would not cope especially with me being away alot of the time and her only support was a mother who was not particularly mentally stable. After the abortion she became intraverted and finally after 3 months went and saw a counsellor who in one session gave her a different prospective on things, which turned her around. I probably need to say that she lives for the children and is a fantastic mother. Some 18 months later after lots of discussions re more children i relented and we agreed to have another, our daughter was born 18 months ago.
I have a quite stressful job and have been working very long hours and away from home during the week and then coming home at weekends. This changed approximately 2 years ago and i was away for 2-3 weeks at a time and then coming home for several days. We both agreed to this work pattern due to uk tax laws and having to keep under 90 days in the uk to avoid the tax implications. The financial benefit would mean that the schooling for the children could be paid for more easily and we could possibly move house to a better area.
My wife does not work and has the best of everything, she has expensive clothes and i suppose you could call her a WAG. The right mulberry hand bag and the Laboutine shoes etc etc... I have worked very hard to give her these things and she has looked after the children and the house. Until 4 weeks ago i thought we were just going thru a bad patch like all marriages but when the bombshell was dropped it all began to fall into place. The reluctance to kiss me passionately, the drop off in sex and intimacy, no touching or hugs. When we did have sex she would always do everthing to get it finished as quickly as possible.
I have never treated her badly (except for the abortion)and she says i have been "too nice" giving her everything she has ever wanted. Since the bombshell she has seen the other side of me. I am an all or nothing person and this total and utter rejection has hurt me more than i could ever imagined. I cannot sleep and spend my time trying to work out where it all went wrong. I have been very nasty, threatening (not physically), and i suppose an absolute B***d, my moods have been swinging from highs to complete lows. When i go home we just seem to dance round each other, she speaks to me but does not really talk and she says the only thing we now have in common is the children.
I do not know what to do, she says that circumstances have brought us to this place and its nobodys fault.
She also complains that when i am at home that i have no intrest in the family and doing the family stuff. To this end i have agreed to get fitter in order that i have more energy when i'm at home. Working 11-12 hour days for weeks on end takes it out of me and all i have been doing is watching TV.
So yes i can understand her point of view.
she says i'm quiet and don't talk when were with friends, again i hope more energy will help...
I have been very committed to my work and yes i have put that before family, but the work has enabled the family and her to have nice things and not really worry about money.
What i suppose i would like to know has anyone recovered from this situation in the past.. or is all lost?. I love her still, we were soulmates when we met and had a fairytale meeting and courtship thru to the perfect wedding and marriage until....
What can i do to make things right again?
Can the counselling help?
I feel absolutely lost....