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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hes so unsure and straight laced.

41 replies

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 11:39

Im seeing someone ( nothing serious) and its really starting to bug me how straight laced and unsure he is.
He admitts hes not very good with women, not very experienced at all.
He never makes a move, i have to all the time, though he will hint thats what he wants. He wont let go and just go with stuff.... i can tell he is thinking about everything he is doing.
he was getting a bit grumpy last night, about how women are impossible to understand and say one thing when they mean another... i asked him what he meant and he said he didnt want to talk about it.
he doesnt even sing in the car, on his own. because he says he knows he cant sing, so doesnt. I know i cant sing, but still do it, at the top of my voice, with the window open

Im impulsive, and loud, and over confident, and curious and if somethings good i do it. i dont think.
I just find it really frustrating.

Like - not just with sex or the car thing. hes doing some paining and has done some tester paints on the wall. fair enough. But then he has written under each one the full name, and brand. the crossed out in pencil the wrong ones. But is now going to take a pic of the room, and change the colours on the pc just to doubly be sure.

hes never had sex outside the bedroom, and he wont even wank anywhere ( tMI ) other than the bedroom or bathroom... beacuse of the mess ??? wtf.

So - we are totally unmatched really arent we.

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 28/07/2010 11:42

He sounds like my ideal man. Self-imposed wanking rules are not to be criticised.

I think you are a bad match, but that isn't to say there's anything wrong with this man.

atswimtwolengths · 28/07/2010 11:45

You don't sound as if you like him much - why are you seeing him?

SandStorm · 28/07/2010 11:51

I've done the paint thing myself - saves time and money in the long run.

Seriously though, I think you know why you've posted this. I think you're looking for validation to end the relationship and move on.

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 12:14

i dont know why im seeing him. other than the fact that i enjoy shocking him. [grin} he spends the whole time saying ' blimey' or ' that was unbelieveable'
tis good for my ego after finishing another relationship.

I was kind of hoping id quite like him, but the more i get to know him, the more i realise that we are totally mismatched. Sometimes that works, sometimes that doesnt. he has said he is hoping that some of my lust for life rubs off on him. But im just getting annoyed.

Bit of a shame.

OP posts:
mumblechum · 28/07/2010 12:19

He sounds quite sweet really, but I agree too much of a difference for the two of you to get on long term.

Let him down gently!

ReasonableDoubt · 28/07/2010 12:21

He sounds like a right dullard!

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 12:28

yes. sweet.
Sadly not enough get up and go about him.
No passion for anything and he admitts this.
over thinks and underacts.
too scared to do anything in case he might fail.

Wont try anything if hes not done it before. or at least thought about it for about 5 years.

Thinks going to a new restaurant is the height of living dangerously.

I gave him a love bite the other day. By accident i should hasten to add.
He was horrified, not laughing about it. totally horrified. 6 weeks on hes still horrified. about a tiny little love bite.

OP posts:
sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 12:29

and he likes going to tescos and actually told me he wrote to them to complain a few weeks ago. about the number of people in the que in front of him.

hes only just 30.

how bloody ridiclous.

OP posts:
sayithowitis · 28/07/2010 12:34

Don't know about everything else, but I would be horrified if my DH gave me a lovebite and we've been married nearly 30 years! I think they are awful.

insprognito · 28/07/2010 12:42

Well there you go then.You wanted him to be more assertive and spontanious ... he wrote to Tescos and gave them what for!
.

RumourOfAHurricane · 28/07/2010 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ShatnersBassoon · 28/07/2010 13:02

It isn't unadventurous to find love bites unpleasant. Lots of grown ups think they're grim.

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 13:18

it was an accident.

I dont happen to think its grown up to still be sulking about a tiny little mark 6 weeks after it happened.

Ive been saying sorry about it for 6 weeks ffs. Thats just silly.

OP posts:
RumourOfAHurricane · 28/07/2010 13:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Poshwellies · 28/07/2010 13:44

You sound about 16 OP.

Love bites are childish,not everyone likes to sing and not all men like wanking themselves stupid in every room and on available work surface.

I suggest you stroke your own ego

lisasimpson · 28/07/2010 13:47

op nope you're right - start running now!

iso · 28/07/2010 13:55

No, it doesn't sound like a good match.

You've described somone who's sulking (read that, as I'm trying to punish you and want you to feel bad) six weeks later about something even though you've apologised and not done it again. (Why are you still apologising for a mistake that happend 6 weeks ago?)

He says women are impossible to understand and when you challenge that, he says,women say one thing when they mean another.

That's quite a serious thing accusation. It can lets him of the hook in all sorts of ways and means he's not taking responsibility for his reactions or responses to you. He's just made it all your fault because you're a woman and what you say can't be trusted.

He finds sex and therefore pleasure, messy so it takes place in one room only. You're more confident, less inhibitied and prefer sex in other places also. But because he's not, it's only happening in the bedroom.

None of that sounds particularly great to me.I'm struggling to see what you're getting out of this relationship and I wonder if really he's potentially quite controlling - if you let him be.

He needs to find his own love of life. It's not your job to try and give him give him that. I suspect he'll drain you of yours if you're not careful.

traceybath · 28/07/2010 13:57

Well I think you're enjoying feeling that you're 'better' than him.

Do the kind thing and move on to someone more umm 'wild and fun' like you.

Booboobedoo · 28/07/2010 14:06

He does sound a bit draining, I must say.

fairycake123 · 28/07/2010 14:43

"I know i cant sing, but still do it, at the top of my voice, with the window open ... i dont know why im seeing him. other than the fact that i enjoy shocking him. [grin}"

You sound really spontaneous and unconventional.

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 16:32

i am. I embrace it now. Took till my late 20's to be able to.

The singing - that was just an example of how uncomftable this man is, even in his own company. That he cant even sing outloud. He cant let go at all. everything is planned and controlled.

The wank thing. Again, its not that that bothers me persay. Its just again, another example of how uncomftable he is in hisself and his own body that he cant relax ( he even wears clothes walking to and from his bathroom and he lives on his own.. even when im not there) but just that even his own body and perfectally normal bodily functions gross him out so much that they have to be performed somewhere where it can be easily cleaned.

agian, the love bite thing was an accident caused by drunked exhubrance. FFs, its just a silly thing to be in a grump for 6 weeks over.. and to still be mentioning.

He was the one that said he wanted to learn from me, that my lust for life might rub off on him. Of course that strokes my ego. ( for its taken a lot of work for me to get where i am today).

I just didnt realise how restrained he was and dont really think its my job to do anything about it.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 28/07/2010 16:40

Singing in your car is hardly spontaneous and unconventional. You sound like one of those people who dance around saying "i'm wacky me!!" cos they decided to dye their hair or something.

Anyway. You are clearly incompatible, you don't need us to tell you that surely.

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 16:47

hang on a second. it was not me that said that, another poster did. But yes i am.. but not for that reason For lots and lots of reasons that i dont need to go into now.

Im certainly not jumping up and down shouting ' im wacky' because that would be annoying.

Again, you are missing the point. The singing thing, - it was just an example of me being comftable in myself to not care and to let go. that it doesnt matter what i sound like, as long as im having fun.
It doesnt matter, and if people hear me, then thats fine and ill make some joke about how crap i am and they often they agree, turn it up and sing along too.
He is so inhibited that he cant even let go in his own company, let alone anyone elses.

your getting hung up about the examples ive given, they are just examples.

OP posts:
sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 16:50

of how, even totally on his own he is so uncomftable with himself. So inhibited and scared.

and how im the total opposite.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/07/2010 16:55

He sounds like a shy and sweet bloke. You sound like a nightmare who is up your own arse, sorry.

Just end it with the poor guy and get over your superiority trip.