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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hes so unsure and straight laced.

41 replies

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 11:39

Im seeing someone ( nothing serious) and its really starting to bug me how straight laced and unsure he is.
He admitts hes not very good with women, not very experienced at all.
He never makes a move, i have to all the time, though he will hint thats what he wants. He wont let go and just go with stuff.... i can tell he is thinking about everything he is doing.
he was getting a bit grumpy last night, about how women are impossible to understand and say one thing when they mean another... i asked him what he meant and he said he didnt want to talk about it.
he doesnt even sing in the car, on his own. because he says he knows he cant sing, so doesnt. I know i cant sing, but still do it, at the top of my voice, with the window open

Im impulsive, and loud, and over confident, and curious and if somethings good i do it. i dont think.
I just find it really frustrating.

Like - not just with sex or the car thing. hes doing some paining and has done some tester paints on the wall. fair enough. But then he has written under each one the full name, and brand. the crossed out in pencil the wrong ones. But is now going to take a pic of the room, and change the colours on the pc just to doubly be sure.

hes never had sex outside the bedroom, and he wont even wank anywhere ( tMI ) other than the bedroom or bathroom... beacuse of the mess ??? wtf.

So - we are totally unmatched really arent we.

OP posts:
sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 17:08

im sorry - why do i sound like a nightmare?

OP posts:
Poshwellies · 28/07/2010 17:11

'Im impulsive, and loud, and over confident, and curious and if somethings good i do it. i dont think'

You sound a nitemare to me but then I'm shy and quiet and think alot,brash and over confident people irk me .We are all different.

Why don't you just end your relationship with him eh?

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 17:14

im not brash.
lol

shy and quiet people un nerve me.

but i wouldnt go about saying they are a nightmare or irk me.

I might be confident, but im not rude.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 28/07/2010 17:21

It's clearly very important to you that you are uninhibited and wild and loud and don't think about what you do, etc etc. Fine, you're not my cup of tea, but up to you. And he isn't like that. That's fine too, you're clearly not suited. Move on.

AnyFucker · 28/07/2010 17:27

You sound like you don't like him very much

Dump gently, for his sake

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/07/2010 17:32

If shy and quiet people unnerve you, I think that says more about you than it does about them.

What do you think might happen in some of these calm, peaceful and quiet times?

I think you are perhaps not as confident as you like to think you are, being loud and impulsive is not the same thing as being confident.

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 17:32

but it is actually important to him.

He was the one who said he was hoping it would rub off on him.

That he loves how unhibited i am and wants to learn to be more like that.

and actually, its not important for me to think of myself like that. I am who i am. You have no idea how much work i have had to do on myself to be comftable with that. To be ok with that, and to just let myself be who i am.

( warts and all)

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 28/07/2010 17:35

Well clearly it isn't working if you are just finding yourself annoyed by him.

Really don't understand why you don't just end things with him.

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 17:38

never said it was.

i see my impulsiveness as a fault actually.

if loud people irk you.. what does that say about you?

This was not about attacking his personality type, or anyones personality type for that matter.

i am also able to be quiet and peaceful, just because im confident with who i am does not mean im jumping about and shouting at the top of my voice like some idiot.

It was just a out loud thought process really. Just me thinking how totally mismatched we are. While he might like that and feel that he benefits from that. Its bugging me, so clearly its not going to work.

OP posts:
sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 17:39

im going to have to.

OP posts:
DinahRod · 28/07/2010 17:39

The novelty of shocking him and 'rescuing' him from himself are wearing off, aren't they? Especially if he won't be rescued. I can see how he might have been a safe harbour for a while and good for the ego, but not enough to base a relationship on. It also sounds as if you need some testosterone in the relationship - and not provided by you!

A friendship gone where it shouldn't perhaps?

End it - kindly.

sostraightlaced · 28/07/2010 17:46

dinahrod.

yeah - an injection of testosterone is much needed. Yes. totally a safe haven after maybe the most intense relationship ill ever have.

But he chased me. He wanted me for the reasons ive said. He wanted to be rescued... but is refusing to budge. I am not surprised the man has only had 2 girlfriends ( short term ones at that)

But yes, its wearing thin, and i cant base a relationship on it at all.

OP posts:
Coolfonz · 28/07/2010 20:23

As another guy, he sounds like a mental. Writing to Tescos aged 30?

sostraightlaced · 29/07/2010 16:16

hurrah - someone agrees with me.

he was going on about how his fantasy would be a woman in stockings ( pretty mild and easy to do) so, when he came round the other day thats what i answered the door in.

He acted like i was dressed normally. No reaction AT ALL. I still had to make the damn first move.

I asked him if he liked and he said ' god - yeah' and i felt like saying - well why didnt you bloody show it then!'

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 29/07/2010 16:24

God, I'm fed up with this relationship!

Just do both of you a favour and end it!

glastocat · 29/07/2010 23:23

I'm quiet and reserved, my best mate is the most out going person ever. I'd like to be a bit more like her. She'd like to be a bit more like me. We have both erlearned useful life lessons off each other. But it sounds like you don't like this guy at all, although he sounds quite nice to me. Dump him find someone more suited to you. You aren't better than him, as you seem to imply. You're just unsuited, move on.

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