There are so many things I had to find out for myself as I never had a mum - periods, sex, toiletries, how and when to get a bra etc etc etc

[coventgarden]

What did your mum teach you that you benefitted from knowing and what do I need to teach my dd?

Another one who is going to suggest rather than say what she got

With my dd I want to ensure she has confidence in herself, never settles for anything other than a decent loving man and isn't afraid to follow her dreams.

I never want her to feel that she can't talk to me about naything, that her feelings aren't valid or feel that she may be laughed at.

"Sex is crap unless you feel loved and safe while you are doing it"

It'#s the only bit of advice about sex she ever gave me, and I agree with it.

Also

"If you get caught without a pad, take your socks off and wrap them round your gusset with tissue - it will hold until you get to some pads."

Oh and

"MArry for Money - and you'll pay it back for the rest of your life!"

y mother has many flaws in the way she allowed my father to treat me - but once she did put her foot down and it was on the subject of a skirt.

Dad was bawling me out for the shortness of the skirt I was wearing (aged 15/16) and usually mum left him to his irrational yelling - but this time she stood up (all 5 foot of her) and snarled "Stop treating her like rape would be her fault. Nobody asks to be raped, you ignorant pig! It's a skirt, not a sign round her neck and besides, you've clearly forgotten my purple dress!"

the main things i remember my mum teaching mem were -

i should never settle for anything

i am beautiful no matter what others say

she taught me how to shave my legs after i came home from school crying because a guy had said my legs were more hairy than his

if a guy is taking the p out of you because of your very blonde, very fine hair on your upper lip, its obviously because he fancies you as someone who didnt wouldnt be looking that hard!

she taught me how to do my hair and make up

she taught me how to cook and clean and use a washing machiene (things i used to complain bitterly about but am very gratefull for now!)

but i guess the overall and underlying theame is self esteme, self confidence, self worth and independance.

Not everyone in the world will like you sostop worrying about the ones who don't

And

go out and grab life by the balls - nothing just falls in your lap.

She was and still is a massive inspiration to me. She went to uni when I was eleven and got a good degree then trained professionally.

My mum disn't teach me about periods, sex or toiletries. She was of her generation in that respect and rarely used make up.
She did however give me unconditional love and always supported me.
That was much more important. Make up techniques, periods etc I could learn from Jackie. 1970s teenage magazines weren't very good at giving you self esteem (lots of "to get a boyfriend find out his hobbies and pretend to be interested in them" type techniques.)

lol, Rebecca, have you read Cosmo lately? The only difference is that we now assume his hobbies include getting oral!

Mine was off with the fairies when it came to teenage stuff. I think she actually looked down her nose at girly preoccupations, which wasn't very helpful or supportive.

Definitely learned a thing or two about cooking, although tbh, you can learn to cook by watching tv or reading a thorough cook book.

I think the most important things you can teach your girls are to be responsible for their own money, pay their way, encourage them to get part time jobs for themselves, learn about matters financial and focus on maths in school. Also, that they have your permission to grow up, look more grown up (makeup, clothes choices, leg shaving, etc) and even make silly mistakes as long as they learn from them.

My mum didn't talk to me about those subjects you mention in your op, but she taught me lots of things. She didn't really sit and give me cermons, it is more about being an example to your children (leading by example I think it's called).
Things she taught me through her behaviour:

• To be extremely honest
• To be hard working and responsible
• To love her family unconditionally
• To look after the pennies
• To cook healthy and live a healthy life (thank you so much for that mum!!!)

TO BE SO STRONG!!!

Things I wish she wouldn't have done:

• To force me to play the piano infront of strangers (it had the oppositive affect she intended)
• To user my sister as an example (blabla can do it) it had the oppositive effect she intended.

Things I wish she had done:

• To show me how to be a good friend (she is not very much into details)
• To relax a bit about life and not be so worried about the future all the time.

how to chat. my mum doesn't know how to do this and neither do i, my other siblings aren't great at it either. dp and i are agreed that we are going to have to foster any chatty tendencies in our dd by whatever means necessary, as it is clear that it really makes your life much easier to be able to talk to anybody at the drop of a hat. mind you, not sure how we're going to model it, socially incompetent old grumps that we are...