OH has just ended it.

[booyhoo]

i think it's for the best but i am gutted. we have two dcs.

sorry to hear that booyhoo.

What happened?

so sorry booyhoo - i am a month on from this...

is this the first time you have posted about it?

Sorry booyhoo

I saw your thread about victim mentality and it resonated a lot with my about my dp.

Has he ended it because he's not willing to put the effort in?

no i have posted before about a few issues. we just haven't been able to get past a few things and he told me a fortnight ago he wasn't happy and wanted to end it. we agreed to leave it for a few weeks til he is home again in august but he phoned tonight to say it was over. i know he is right, we would always have the same issues but at the same time he is all i have ever known. i love him so much. our family is now broken. i just wish i could wave a wand and all the problems would be gone.

Awful that it happened over the phone. I haven't seen your other threads. I don't suppose the reasons are relevant now.

You say he's all you've ever known. Does that mean this is your first break up? It's hard, especially with kids.

What sort of RL support do you have booyhoo?

So sorry to hear this

yes we got together when i was 17 and him 16. we had a separation before when i was pregnant with ds1 but i really thought we had both matured and were ready to be a family. the reasons are many, it wouldn't be fair to aportion blame, just a case of realising we weren't happy in the relationship. the thing that is hurting the most is that the children won't have mummy and daddy together. my parents are still together, i have no idea what it will be like for the dcs growing up in two homes.

my best friend knows we have been having problems and she knows this was on the cards. i haven't told her yet because it has just happened and i just want to have my own headspace right now. she would want to come round.

Oh crap booyhoo, I had no idea, hope you are ok, if you need anything just let me know

Oh booyhoo, I am so so sorry
Its a horrid time and a horrid place to be

The 'not having one home, seperate Christmas etc' thing was the hardest for me too, but you know what? We do ok with it, and my DS is (mostly) happy.
Hope you are ok, its a very very hard thing to go through so make sure you take all the support that is offered xx

It sounds like you will be able to have an amicable relationship which is very good for your dcs. I think the most damage happens when parents don't like each other. Taking sides is so stressful and upsetting. But if you are able to be on the same side wrt parenting it can work out ok.

I have seen most sides of that situation - my parents divorced and I left my ds' dad. At first we were very hostile but now all te bad deeply has gone. That's had a huge effect on my ds. He can feel loyal to us both and liked by us both. He doesn't have to defend either of us. He's quite happy now with the while situation.

You must be feeling like hell tonight though ssh don't tell anyone but here's a hug.

Oh booyhoo, I am so so sorry
Its a horrid time and a horrid place to be

The 'not having one home, seperate Christmas etc' thing was the hardest for me too, but you know what? We do ok with it, and my DS is (mostly) happy.
Hope you are ok, its a very very hard thing to go through so make sure you take all the support that is offered xx

The bad feeling has gone. Sorry my iPhone likes to change my words randomly.

it has been stressing me out for ages, at times i thought to myself it would be easier if we did separate but i don't feel like that right now. i feel like a failure. i have failed my dcs and myself. we both have failed each other. my head is splitting. i really don't want to have to tell anyone, i'll only cry when i have to say the words.
thanks PBM.

'Whole' situation. Jeez

Sorry to hear this. Hope you have some RL support around you: be kind to yourself just now, eat and sleep, get fresh air etc, and don't feel guilty about putting Cbeebies on more than usual.
The pain and sadness will ease, a little more every day. And if, as it sounds, you and he are basically OK people who just can't live as a couple, you can build a good co-parent relationship and your DC will be fine as they wil be loved by you both.

we have said we will keep it amicable. on a friendship level we get on very well but whether that will mean we can maintain it wrt the boys is another thing. when we separated last time we couldn't even look at each other but it was a completely different scenario. i really hope we can both make it work for the dcs.

I'm supposed to be meeting another school mum for coffee tomorrow when ds is at summer scheme. i don't know if i should go or not. i don't want to pour it all out to her as i don't know her that well, but i don't know if i would be much company.

See how you feel in the morning. It's going to be impossible to predict how you might feel in an hour let alone several.

If you have to cancel at the last minute, ah well such is life.

Take it one small challenge at a time. Decide tomorrow.

it has just hit me what this means for me financially. i gave up work in may to become a CM but as the pre reg course isn't until oct, OH's salary has been supporting us. i am not entitled to JSA because it hasn't been 13 weeks since i gave my notice. the joint acount is empty. the rent for august has just been paid so at least we have a home til the end of august. i am going to have to get a job pretty quick and probably leave this house for something alot cheaper.

see how you feel in the morning

I'll probably still go for coffee, i will have to see her at drop off and i don't want to let her down.

Booyhoo get some CAB advice before you go looking for a new job and house!

I'll need to get a job anyway. even when i do the course in Oct, it will be a few months before i am actually registered to CM. i will need an income between now and then. i have to go to bed now. my head is throbbing and my eyes are sore. ds2 will be up at 6. going to take a hedex tablet and try and get some sleep.

I hope you get some rest booyhoo.

booyhoo - sorry mate

Even when you know it's the right thing to do, it's shit. You don't want it to be the right thing to do!!

It must be really hard to do this when he's away & you can't do it face to face.

I hope you are in bed now getting some sleep x