OH has just ended it.

[booyhoo]

i think it's for the best but i am gutted. we have two dcs.

thank you.

i did get some sleep and feel better for it. friend ended up cancelling herself so i didn't have to go for coffee.

I do know it will be better for all of us but a part of me is still thinking we could make it work but i know we cant. i just cant accept that we should separate.

How are you today?

Booyhoo can you take mindees while you are training, I think you can,
if so you could advertise now for places for when school starts back, and you would have an idea of how much money you will have.

Surely OH will still support you until you get yourselves sorted

he said he will help out, but knowing him as i do i cant depend on that at all. i can see him very quickly realising that he is single and shouldn't have to still support me. i know he will at least pay me maintenance for the boys.

i am not sure about taking mindees. i will ring the early years team and find out where i stand with that.

Booyhoo,
Really sorry to hear that your relationship has ended, but good to hear that you feel better today.

I am 5 years on from this scenario, and want to assure you that it can work for your DC's.

EXP and I were fairly amicable when we split and worked out a fair shared parenting routine that we are both comfortable with, obviously, we would both like more time, but understanding that fact helped us to make the right decisions rather than selfish nes and as a result our DD is amazingly happy, and loves both her families and homes equally.

We alternate Christmas and Boxing day (so she in effect actually just gets 2 christmas days - father christmas vists both nights) and alternate new years eve.

I know all of this will be a little way off for you, but just to reassure you that it can happen amicably, and can work out for everyone, most importantly for the children.

Good luck with the CM-ing, I hear its hard work!!!

thank you munchkinland. how old was your dd when you and your exp separated? ds1 is 5. i don't know how to tell him. OH is in the Navy so only gets home every other weekend. i don't know if this will change now, but it sort of means that the dses are used to him not being here so that might make things a bit easier. rather than him actually 'leaving' iyswim. he isn't back again til the 6th of august so i was thinking of waiting til then to tell him together?

Sort of lucky in that we split before I knew I was PG, we stayed in the same house until DD was 6 months old, but really she has not known any different.

You will be amazed at how resiliant kids can be though, and if they see that you and your OH are happy with the situation and are not fighting about it, it will make him happy about it - especially if it is not actually changing his life all that much.
Just always remember, however tempting it is to be selfish regarding time/rights etc. what is best for your DC's is going to be best for you all eventually.

when we separated the first time i was pregnant with ds1 and we only got back together when he was 3 so he only knew us as separate. he loves his dad so much, i worry what his reaction will be. the day to day wont be the problem, it is just the concept that daddy won't be living here when he does come home.

booyhoo I am so sorry dont really have any advice to improve on whats been given.

I was in pieces at the prospect of telling my dcs we were splitting up and they adored their dad but in the event it hasnt been nearly as bad as I imagined they are flourishing.

The next few weeks will be hard but it will get better and if you know inside its for the best let that knowledge carry you through

So sorry booyhoo. Hang in there.

thank you gettingeasier.

it just all feels very daunting now. when i was on my own before, i had been that way since ds was born and i was working. this time round i have been used to OH coming home and used to being able to talk to him on the phone if i have had a tough day, and also i am not working now. i have become dependant on him for alot, something i never thought i would do.

i am going to go now and get stuck into some decluttering to try and distract myself.

thanks chickens

reality i resigned from my job, i was told i wouldn't be entitled to anything until 13 weeks after i had finished working? although this didn't come from the benefits office, it was a colleague who told me. it didn't affect my decision because i wasn't intending to claim JSA anyway.

I'm so sorry to hear this booyhoo. If you need someone to listen, you know where to find me.

I was 6 when my parents finally split for the final time. There really is no easy way to tell a child that daddy won't be living there any more. About all you can do is reassure him, over and over and over, that you and Daddy both love him very much and that the separation has nothing to do with anything he did or how you feel about him.

Just take it one day at a time.

And talk to the benefits office. Your colleague could be wrong!

i didn't realise that. thank you.

thanks tee. it is helpful to hear from a child of separated parents.

i have just realised i have a load of clothes and things in teh roofspace that i was intendingto sort through and sell so i will get cracking with those this evening and get them on ebay. hopefully bring in a few pounds to make ends meet just incase i am stuck for a while.

So sorry booy, hope you are ok

Also, your circumstances have changed with regard to what benefits you are entitled to. A trip to your local CAB is in order.

thanks skidoodly.

hurray for chocolate!

I second that 'hooray'!