I'm really struggling.

[Mittz]

DC's Dad left a year ago.

The first 6 months or so was emotional but I felt positive and mostly relieved.

Now I am so low I struggle to pick myself up most days. I am trying, but am tearful and emotional. I feel fragile and things are falling apart.

I don't want to take a step back but feel a bit like throwing the towel in. I go through the motions of the stuff that I know keeps depression at bay, but it feels bad. I want to move forward but just don't have the energy.

I do pick myself up a bit but the slightest knock scares me. I want me back but she feels lost and tired.

The house stuff is overwhelming me. Paperwork, kids activities, keeping it all clean, working, shopping, the garden,

I keep forgetting things and misplacing stuff. Finances are a mess. God it's hard.

Hi Sorry you're feeling so sad.
Do you have RL support? And help from a counsellor or GP?

Classic depression, that. Are you under the doctor for it? ADs? Counselling? Sometimes the chemical balance in the brain can get thrown out by emotional upheaval and it takes real medical intervention, rather than positive thinking and keeping busy (good though they are), to sort it.

Just remember he was an abusive git and he is responsible for this state you find yourself in. There is no way he should have the satisfaction of knowing you aren't coping swimmingly without him. You will get through this, but in the meanwhile, keep faking it!

Same thing happeend to me, I coped really well while it was all going on and then when it calmed down I seemed to just slump.

GP said it was that my brain had been so active while it was all kicking off and now things were calm it was saying phew... time for a rest. Few months of ADs and I was fine.. hopefully it will be the same for you

Having counselling and on AD's, I reduced the AD's just after christmas but have slowly slid despite fighting it.

Limited RL support really. My parents can't help, My Dad says I have to go through it on my own, and he is in a bad place, my Mum is very controlled so we have very very limited contact and I never see or talk to her properly alone.

My brother just thinks I should pull myself together, and when I talk to him he drinks more and more and I struggle to connect with him.

I have good friends but am wary of being a drag.

I'm struggling with the faking bit Annie, which I have usually been good at. I think I should be OKer than I am by now.

Seeing my folks today, but the last time I saw them Mum admitted Dad had taken a swipe at her and she doesn't want me to say anything and I feel quite sick about it.

DS was 'assaulted' last weekend and we are pressing charges.

I want a quiet spell to recharge my batteries but it doesn't come and I wonder if I am making my own life difficult but don't know how to take control and do it.

I think I would have cracked up without Mumsnet.

Have been on AD's for over a year Akhems. I thought I'd be off them by now. I have to see the doctor every month.

It could be that you need to increase the dosage again, maybe you reduced them too soon.

It's so hard isn't it? I had to stay away from my mum for ages cos xh used to sit outside her house waiting for me and if I went there all hell would let loose.

Whereabouts are you? if you're close by to me (London) I've got a big shoulder and a love of coffee and chatting

Derbyshire Akhems, so a bit far but that is a lovely offer

Dad has been and indulged in his favourite monologue about what a drag women are and how selfish and self centered we tend to be . And I sit there blankly trying not to express any reaction for I only serve to prove him right if I were to disagree. My Mum has sacrificed so much to support him for 38 yrs and she is apparently the one dragging him down.

two pronged plan of attack here as I see it:-

1. get back to GP and/or counsellor and discuss upping the dosage of ADs again.

1. try and manage the relationship with your parents - not saying cut your dad off completely, as of course that would mean you wouldn't see your mum - but maybe reduce the frequency - or arrange to be doing stuff when you meet outside the house - to avoid chance of being buttonholed into the negative ranting stuff - or could you plan to do something that your dad would find so boring that he would bugger off and let you spend time with your mum. the parent stuff is hard - as it's not your shit - but ends up being foisted on you anyway. or failing that, keep some sort of emotional distance from the problems in your mum and dad's relationship. it sound hard-faced to even suggest that, but

sometimes it's the only way to preserve your own mental health.

I agree with everyone here, what you are going through is utterly understandable.

You can grin and bear your way out of this, but you need more help. Please talk to your counsellor, let them help you. Please speak to the GP and get your meds back up or changed to something that works better.

Keep posting, we are always here to help you, many, many, many of us have been in the blackest of pits and would do anything to get you out of it, so lean on MN as long and hard as you need to.

Depression loves isolation, so don't allow it to isolate you from those of us that can help.

FWIW, My dad was as much use in the general day to day as a chocolate fireguard when I was depressed. None of my family knew what to do, so I was pretty much without much support network.

CBT helped me greatly, so please keep talking, keep reading self help books and keep posting.

You can and will beat this!

Do not blame yourself for any of this. It is not your fault. You need more support than you are getting. Talk to your friends more and, if you are feeling low, ring the samaritans, they are a godsend.
Go back to your GP and ask him/her to reassess your situation.
Don't feel responsible for your parents' relationship, you aren't. Your mum needs love and support but at the moment you and your dc are the priority.
Lastly, there isn't a time limit on this- it will take however long it takes but it can, and will get better.
I hope your ds is ok...sending you a BIG hug

Oh Mittz you poor thing

I think it really is quite alright to admit that things aren't going as you have 'planned' them to, ie. ideally you would like to be off the ADs but you aren't, you think you should be coping better than you are etc.

Lean on your friends a little bit, I would be devastated to know that a friend of mine felt like this but hadn't wanted to be a drag on me.

We chatted a bit last year when I was on the shiney threads for a while, I was struggling with depression and on ADs at the time, and so much of what you said about how you coped etc really helped me to get myself better. I thank you so much for that

It's interesting that you've talked so much about your parents relationship in this post, it's clearly having a huge effect on you. A double whammy of worry about your Mum and resentment that you can't lean on them when you need to is what I feel coming out in your posts.

I would advise increasing the AD dose again, I tried to cut down too soon and it set me backwards. I had to increase again for a while and then reduce before I was ready to come off them. At least then you can do the coping, and the faking and the doing the things you need to for your kids and the house etc, all of which will make you feel better about yourself and help you to come out of the hole.

Big hugs, and keep posting.

hugs x

Thank you...

My relationship with my Dad had given me grief in the past and some of the things he has said today have made me wince. I really did marry someone very much like my father I guess.

I will talk to the Docs, my appointment is coming up.
I need to try and get organised and have an 'action plan' for simple things like meals and house work.

Depression does like isolation and this is a big one. I work from home and apart from the school run and going to the local shop, I just don't get much contact with people. I could try to do some sort of course. I do go kickboxing but there is a limited social side to it.

I have thought about doing mentoring, and contemplated ringing the Probation Service as a starting point....

i suffer from deppression have done for years and it makes everything harder to cope

be gentle with your self. being on your own is very hard work with dcs

i volunteer at a local charity shop 1 day a week and it helps a lot with being less isolated otherwise its all dds and school stuff,

if you are thinking about doing mentoring i think thats fab good on you.xxxx

Know where you're coming from. From being on 'speed' since H left 9 weeks ago, am now in depressive slump. Good sleep is essential with help from the doc ,plus ad's help. Best still are friends coming round and a new kitten who is worth his weight in gold. Lying in bed is not a good idea - leads to rumination. Set yourself short achievable targets for working on mundane chores -completion helps you feel more in control. Also keep an eye on the bigger picture which can help to keep a perspective on personal issues - that's where spirituality and faith come in for me. But it is all very hard.

Hi Mittz,

I don't know where in Derbyshire you are but I went to a great counselling service. I really emapthise with you. I had a mad 3 years in and out of court with my ex and tbh it's only since it's all stopped that I feel the problems for me have started. I've found rather bizzarely that recently flylady seems to be helping me (never thought anything like that would!)

If you wish to, feel free to email me at princesstippiestoes at gmail happy to have a chat sometime and I make a wicked victoria sponge!

Have thought about a pet ecumenist. A big worry is making life harder than it already is.

I need a structure because little things keep overwhelming me. Getting stuff in the post, for some unfathomable reason floors me and I only live a few yards from a letter box..

It's hard wornout. It is is definitely the worst I have ever been and it frightens me.

The stuff with my Dad is hard because I do worry about my Mum and also it is hard listening to some of his opinions about women when he doesn't think about the fact that he is actually taking to his Wife and Daughter. He will end off his rant by saying we are redeemed because women are attractive. So in his minds women are pain in the neck with emotional baggage but at least we are good to look at. Thanks Dad. Sadly, he is't even remotely joking..

I have spent a lot of time apologising for just about everything.

On a practical note, how about drawing up a weekly activity schedule with a mixture of things you need to do on it (e.g. Housework) and things you are going to do just for pleasure (e.g. A bubble bath, coffee and the papers, whatever you enjoy). This might help you get a bit more on top of stuff and also lift your mood a little. If you have any opportunities to exercise, this can help a lot too. What you are going through sounds completely normal and does pass.

I think that is a good idea Lizza, it might actually be easier to get on top of things over the 6 weeks holiday and get a routine in place. And try and get the DC's to help me a bit more.

Good sleep would help I know...

My brain has turned to anxious, boring mush.... and needs stimulating I think.

Mittz

Only just seen this.

Nothing constructive to add other than I am here for you to lean on at anytime. For as long as you need me to be.

You have so much to contend with at the moment. Go easy on yourself and let those who want to, help.

, Thanks Mouse. It's pretty bad under the surface.
Have never felt so very lost and tired and sad.
I think you texted me to do something and I let you down. Not so good at multi tasking at the moment and had a cock up at the bank and then stuff to sort and it slipped my mind.
Thanks for the offer to be leaned on (( )) x need some serious buttressing at the moment.

Sorry madascheese.. I accidentally skipped your post.. cake is always good .
I am in the Arkwright Village.

My counsellor is good...

Mittz - you didn't let me down. I didn't think.

You're still on my Christmas card list. xxxx