does anyone else argue like this?

[messybedhead]

My not so D P woke me up this morning after stomping round the house and up and down the stairs to demand the battery from my phone. When I said there's no point taking it as its flashing red he started shouting and swearing.

Then he said he needs my bank card (all day won't be back til tonight). I said no because I have no cash on me and what if I want to go out today I can't be left without access to any money. I may add this is my money it is not a joint aCcount.

He does have an account with money in but he lost his bank card weeks ago and 'keeps forgetting' to order a new one.

So I then get called a c++t amongst other things and no w I've got a text telling me I'm evil and sick .

I offered him to take my credit card ( there's about 3 pound on it available) if he wanted to get a sandwich... But then he (as the last person to use it a few days ago) had another strop because I don't know where HE put it. He could have taken something to eat from home, he could have told me he had no money last night and I could have drawn some out for him, but he waits til morning cos normally if I'm in that half asleep state I'll agree to anything.

Anyway its all irrelevant why we argued... More how. When he gets angry (most of the time) I get called a c++t, a sl+t, a wh++re, evil etc etc. Now don't worry I'm not sitting at home crying and trying to please him, normally I laugh and tell him how pathetic he is. But I don't swear ever and so the worst insult I can call him is a pig!

But I mean that's not normal is it to speak to someone like this is it? I'm used to it but at this point in time I feel like bagging all his stuff and chucking it out the front.

But I don't know if I'm overreacting and behind closed doors a lot of people are like this?

Sorry for the essay.

No, not normal at all. You're not over-reacting. No one has the right to call you that sort of thing or behave that badly. I think you need to have a long hard think about whether you're prepared to tolerate this and if not, what you do next.

See I don't want to tolerate this and I tell him over and over again that I'm 24 years old why on earth do I want to live like this for the rest of my life!

He says he sorry he don't mean it blah blah blah. I don't think he realises that you don't speak to people like that, although he certainly doesn't speak to anyone else like it.

I wish I was a bit more awake this morning so I could have recorded him on my phone and played it back when we haw calmer.

If he says sorry then does it again he doesn't mean it. It isn't acceptable to talk to you like this. You don't need to tolerate it.

Do you own a place together or rent? If you rent it's easy to separate - bagging all his stuff sounds like a good idea!

No, you are not overreacting and he is horrid.

You do not speak to someone the way he has spoken to you, and what's more he knows this, since he reserves his swearing and name calling for you.

I don't think sorry is good enough. He does not seem to take responsibility for himself, and he should not expect you to bail him out.

If the relationship is worth the effort, I could suggest relate, as I went there with DH when I had DS because we traditionally argued by shouting, which ws fine for us (we get over it ) was not fine for when you have children in the house and we needed to learn to do it differently.

I'm never one of these 'leave him' women, but in your case he does sound like an immature nob, and I don't really understand why you'd put up with it.

That is really not a normal way to talk to the person you supposedly love. You should not have to put up with that- its completely unacceptable. Sounds like he has anger management issues and I would be worried about it going further than verbal abuse.

Message deleted

That's what it is... He's incredibly immature, can't take any responsibility for himself... And yes I've suggested to him in the past about the anger management.

I don't know why I put up with it really either I'm just used to it. He makes out I'm being 'mental' when I tell him his behaviour is disgusting.

But I just can't imagine me saying to someone oh yes we split up because he called me names- I'd seem so pathetic.

I've tried to make him take responsibility before but he doesn't learn.

Don't really know what I want out of this but its good to write it down.

No that is not normal. Please chuck him out and find somebody who is nice to you, and reliable with his own money.

I think because we've been together since we were at school and have 2 DC I can't imagine life ever being different or me meeting someone else.

Sounds so silly.

The thing is, you would say that you split up because he called you names.

You would say that you split up because he had an anger problem and took it out on you and made you unhappy. No-one is going to think that is pathetic.

Please don't trivialise your situation, this is not a nice man who is having the odd out-of-character outburst. This is a man who has no respect for you, who thinks that he is far more important than you are (ie. it's fine for you to have no access to money but not for him).
He is also trying to convince you that it is you with the problem not him by telling you that you're mental.

Are those the behaviours of someone who loves you? No.

In short he is a nasty cock and you should kick him out pronto.

Message deleted

I tell you what's pathetic, OP, and I'm sorry if it's a bit harsh as you get more than enough rudeness at home: not splitting up with an immature, abusive, bad-tempered man because you can't imagine explaining it to other people. Life is too short to waste in this sort of non-relationship. Let him find some other poor mug to look after his cards for him and give him sandwich money like a schoolchild and receive offensive texts with a good grace. If anyone thinks you were too hasty, well, let them set up home with him and good luck to them. Perhaps they'll be clever enough to manage him better eh? (They'll need to work on a good backhand with the frying pan if you ask me.)

You're right, you're only 24, imagine another 60 or so years of this.

He sounds vile - sorry.

I cannot imagine ever being spoken to like that by anyone.

It sounds like you almost accept this as normal behaviour and htat's why you can't see how awful it is.

I would give him an ultimatum. Have a chat and point out how completely unacceptable this language and behaviour is. He needs to learn to control his own finances and to learn to control his anger. He may need professional help to do this.

If he can't / won't, for the sake of your children you need to leave.

Wishing you all the luck and strength you need to face up to this

I have been married for 23 years and my DH has never sworn at me or called me a name like your partner has.
I don't think you should have to put up with behaviour like this.Do you have children? how does he treat them?
Get rid of him.

Didn't realise was using same username as before!

I know I'm stupid and I don't want my children growing up thinking that's normal.

Oh I don't know.

Everyones advice Is really good and I am grateful.

Oi, you are not stupid. You are just not seeing things clearly here. Sometimes it's easier for outsiders to judge because they're not confused by being in the middle of it. There's nothing like being shouted and sworn at to put you on the back foot.

Living with someone and having children by them is no excuse to treat them without respect and consideration. Quite the reverse, I would say. You should have more courtesy for your life partner and mother of your children than for mere work colleagues or passing strangers. If he called his boss a c^t he'd be sacked, and rightly so. If he stood at street corners telling people they were evil and sick the police would escort him away. But he thinks it's ok to do it to you^. He's the one who's stupid, no?

I lurk on here too and see the same sort of thing with the same advice.

But you think you're different don't you? Its such a big thing to tear two children away from the man they worship. Over being called names.

It's over a lot more than being called names, though. It's over him not taking responsibility for anything, ranting and raving because you haven't waved a magic wand and made it all right for him: demanding that he should have the last couple of quid, leaving you short, because he has failed to sort out his own finances; demanding your phone battery because he's let his own go flat, then going off on one because yours is nearly flat too; he's lost your credit card and that's your fault... What planet is he on, where he has a right to be like a very small, very badly behaved toddler? Why does he really believe he's entitled to everything on a plate? What does he think you are, the sock fairy?

This is not a good, functional relationship, namecalling aside.

It's not 'calling names' it's being verbally abusive. He's not going to stop while there are no consequences for his behaviour.

My Ex used to talk to me like that when we argued. Hence he is my Ex and I am married to a wonderful man who has never swore at me or called me names.

My DH has never spoken or acted like this to me or anyone else ever!

My exes haven't either.

I conclude it is not normal behaviour.

You are not just being called names here and you are in the midst of a dysfunctional and very unhealthy relationship.

The first step to leave an abusive relationship is the hardest one but you must make that leap of faith. You're 24, you do not want to be with him when you're 25 let alone 34 or 44.

You need to leave him because he will soon start on the children, they are seeing how he treats you and they will learn from it.
They could call you names too and order you about.

Children worship any parent regardless of how awful they are. Your partner is not worthy of the term; all you are to him is a washing machine with a fanny attached (to paraphrase SGB here).

You are both teaching your children damaging relationship lessons here; what were you taught about relationships when growing up yourself?.

The ex i mentioned above was teh father of my 2 DC, I was about your age too and had been with him since a teenager too.

Once we split though, my family actually admitted they were glad! No-one wanted to say anything while we were playing happy families, but they could tell I wasnt happy. The weight that lifted from my shoulders was also amazing! I couldnt believe how free I felt, and how happy I became. Even though my DC adored their Dad, they still had a fab relationship with him after the split, but they were happier with all the fighting gone. You wouldnt believe how much kids pick up on, even if you think you hide it!!

I couldnt imagine a future for me. But here I am, 8 years later and blissfully happy. I have a wonderful DH who has taken on my DC, plus we have a DS of our own. Life can be so much happier and fulfilling for you than what you have now

I have never been spoken to this by anyone ever. You are not overreacting.

Sometimes I think it is helpful to think of a workplace environment in deciding if behaviour is acceptable or not.

If you were his employer would you keep an employee like this? No way, you could fire them without any problems I'm sure.

If he was your employer could you leave and claim constructive dismissal? Yes I am sure you could.

Having typed this out it looks more confusing than it was in my head, but I'll leave it in case it makes any sense to you!

Good luck in your life, you do not have to put up with this.