does anyone else argue like this?

[messybedhead]

My not so D P woke me up this morning after stomping round the house and up and down the stairs to demand the battery from my phone. When I said there's no point taking it as its flashing red he started shouting and swearing.

Then he said he needs my bank card (all day won't be back til tonight). I said no because I have no cash on me and what if I want to go out today I can't be left without access to any money. I may add this is my money it is not a joint aCcount.

He does have an account with money in but he lost his bank card weeks ago and 'keeps forgetting' to order a new one.

So I then get called a c++t amongst other things and no w I've got a text telling me I'm evil and sick .

I offered him to take my credit card ( there's about 3 pound on it available) if he wanted to get a sandwich... But then he (as the last person to use it a few days ago) had another strop because I don't know where HE put it. He could have taken something to eat from home, he could have told me he had no money last night and I could have drawn some out for him, but he waits til morning cos normally if I'm in that half asleep state I'll agree to anything.

Anyway its all irrelevant why we argued... More how. When he gets angry (most of the time) I get called a c++t, a sl+t, a wh++re, evil etc etc. Now don't worry I'm not sitting at home crying and trying to please him, normally I laugh and tell him how pathetic he is. But I don't swear ever and so the worst insult I can call him is a pig!

But I mean that's not normal is it to speak to someone like this is it? I'm used to it but at this point in time I feel like bagging all his stuff and chucking it out the front.

But I don't know if I'm overreacting and behind closed doors a lot of people are like this?

Sorry for the essay.

ach, that should say I have never been spoken to like this by anyone ever.

I, too, have never been spoken to like this and I wouldn't stay for a minute with anyone who spoke to anyone like that, never mind me.

Do you really want your children to see anyone speaking to their mother like that? Do you want them to think that's the way to speak to women?

He sounds immature, rude and disrespectful - you must realise children learn from watching others - what do you want them to learn from him?

You're so young - get out while you can.

no one should ever be spoken to like this would he speak like that to a work colleague or one of his mates? No he wouldn't.

I was reading all the way down this thread and hoping you didn't have kids - but I see you do.

OP, listening to the way he carries on will be very very damaging for them. You are teaching them how adult relationships are conducted. You are teaching them that their mother is worthless and that women are worthless and deserve no respect.

It doesn't matter what other people think - you can tell them you left because he was a bullying immature pig.

No this is not normal.

You're only 24, so there's plenty of time to meet someone else. It's probably easy to think that it won't if you've been with the same person since school. It takes a big act of bravery to leave, but it sounds like you probably wouldn't regret it. Once you've made the decision, you'll probably feel a huge sense of relief.

Oh please. You are not just being called names. He is showing you no respect; he is expecting you to be responsible for him; he is taking his anger out on you.

In the meantime, your two children are learning that this is how to treat you, possibly how to treat their own partners. NOT GOOD.

You are 'used to it'. Do you want your kids to get 'used to it'? Perhaps they will choose partners who treat them like this, as this is what they are learning is reasonable behaviour. It is not.

Something must be done. Have you tried Relate? Tell him that if he won't go then your relationship is over (and MEAN it), as he obviously doesn't care enough about it to try to fix it (or, indeed, care enough about you to want to stop insultingy you).

its called mutual respect! even when we have been at rock bottom in our relationship, dh and i would NEVER call each other names like this!

at 24 you have the world at your feet! please leave him and find someone WORTHY of all the love and care you have to give!

totally agree with maduggar and everyone else - i have never, ever been spoken to in my entire life by anyone like your partner regularly speaks to you. i can't imagine what i would do if DH even once called me a c++t!!! please, whatever else you do (and i sincerely hope that you leave him, quite frankly) do not consider this behaviour normal. it is highly abnormal, and very damaging to you. GOOD LUCK!

I'm approaching my half century and have been with some "interesting" types, certainly one or two who would treat me like Mum when it came to losing their stuff but NEVER been spoken to like this and would never put up with it.

You say this.."He says he sorry he don't mean it blah blah blah. I don't think he realises that you don't speak to people like that, although he certainly doesn't speak to anyone else like it."

Therefore, he does realise it but maybe he doesn't realise you don't speak to your partner like that. What sort of household did he grow up in? I've noticed there are some people who think it's OK to display the worst of yourself at home and disrespect your family in a way that they wouldn't a friend or stranger.

As you say, splitting up is a big move and will be very hard for your children. He sounds like the sort of man who would go straight on to a new woman to be a sort of mother figure to him and you might find that hard unless you feel really sure it is right to split. You could try relationship counselling to help with communication and ask him to look for an anger management course (might be ads in the library, GP might help). It's all about whether he is prepared to grow up and take responsibility for himself and treat you with love and respect. If he has grown up in an environment where people were foul to each other at home, this might be very hard for him but not impossible if he can commit to change.

I have been with DP for over 35 years and have never heard most of those words from him in any context and certainly not directed at me.

I also work for an advice line dealing with very ,very stressed people who have no money -and potentially will not be getting any in the near future .I have never had any of those words directed at me - ever.

Your situation seems such a waste of a good young life -lives actually ,because your children will grow up thinking they abuse others to get what they want - so they will not have happy lives either.

Be the good Mother you are and get yourself and your babies away from this overgrown child.Let him go and find another Mother to sort him out. You will find a man who will love you and treat you as you deserve.

His stepfather speaks to his mother and his children in an even worse way... One of the reasons why I refuse to have anything to do with the man.

But I think my DP thinks that he's not as bad s him so its ok... I don't know that's the only logical explanation I have for it.

You know what... When I first got together with him, I was like one of the brightest at school and he was off the scale the other end.

And his head of year who was my RE teacher said to me one day when he couldn't believe we were together... You're gonna have to look after him because he needs a mother.

I didn't know what he meant because he has a mum and very close to his grandmother.

Everyones comments here have made me realise just what an idiot I've been!

This is not normal.

"But I think my DP thinks that he's not as bad s him so its ok... I don't know that's the only logical explanation I have for it."

Well here you have it perhaps? His stepfather is so bad that he thinks a moderated version is OK, thinks it is how things work in partnerships and is quite deeply programmed to react in the way that he does.

This is why you see so many people on here posting, "what are you teaching your children about what is OK in relationships" when they post about staying in bad relationships.

So what are you going to do, MBH?

I don't know I've asked him not to come home but he said tough he's on his way.

oh god, are you ok messy ?
he sounds like a nightmare
please take steps to prevent your dc's from seeing or hearing you being abused by him in this way.
and yes, this kind of language is normal, but only in abusive relationships.
healthy relationships do not have this kind of derogatory name calling.

No, DH and I rarely row at all but in many years together he has never called me a name. I think you should finish this relationship in all honesty.

He's home and won't talk about it. When I keep bringing it up he aCcuses me of trying to start an argument.

Apparently he's sorry and he wasn't saying those words to me but in anger- yeah right!

I give up.

Then you are crazy and he will do it again.

Don't give up.

Call Women's Aid. Even if just for a chat.

He chooses who he speaks to like this (you) and who he doesn't (everyone else). He doesn't think you deserve the respect that he affords everyone else.

Don't let him use anger as an excuse (not a good enough one anyway). He sent you that text after he left the house.. so it wasn't a few seconds of a flare-up (which would be bad enough).

It will only get worse if you stay.

Women's aid help local organisations run perpetrator courses - they'll be able to tell you if there is one in their area.

I mean your area, sorry..

Remind him why you don't have his parents in your life. Tell him that if he's going to be like them then he will suffer the same result.

If he refuses to talk about it, it's almost certainly because he knows it's wrong, he's wrong. If he's not prepared to go any further than say OK I'm wrong then he'll carry on doing it. He needs consequences. Like a little boy.