I'm not sure I can get over this, please help

[Mosschops30]

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That's a tough one, mosschops. You need to go with what YOU feel is best for YOU, b/c when there's no trust in a relationship it's in serious trouble. And it sounds like this has damaged your trust in him hugely. You've tried to communicate this to him, but it doesn't seem to be getting through. So you need to take some time out and figure out what is best for YOU then.

I agree that if you just let it go you'll be seething about it inside, and that's no good for anyone. It doesn't sound like he's taken this seriously, and that's another think that must make you very angry. It would make me.

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Sorry to hear this Mosschops..I tried to give you something constructive to work with, but I can understand that you might be too upset to see another side of this right now. I hope that this will not damage your relationship beyond repair. Maybe you can try speaking about this again when you are not as upset as tonight. He needs to apologize and see your position as much as you can try to see his.

He was out of order for going, imo.

And I'd be furious that he took advice from his friends and brother rather than his wife and made a public stand which demonstrated to the world that he valued their judgement more than his wife's.

I wouldn't want to see any of them again. I'd be incandescent with rage by this stage. In fact I'm getting more and more annoyed thinking about it!

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mosschops i don't know if this will help but i am of the same school of thought as you and caligula: fight to the death alongside dh whether he is right or wrong (then in private talk to him about it if think he is wrong type thing)....
however, dh is more a loves me, is loyal but has this sense of fairness thing going on where irrational loyalty is difficult for him...

is it possible that your dh thinks that as he has reprimanded his friend it would be unfair to cut him off completely? if he thinks this he may feel that you're being really unfair in asking him to do that....

does it have to be about how much he loves you? could he not make clear again to all of them that the guy was offensive and in the wrong without not seeing his friends???

am i making any sense at all? i totally get where you are coming from, and have been there myself, but am also trying to leap into your dh's consciousness too???

Great post Sophable Try to feel better Mosschops.

Hmm yes the voice of reason.

Thinking about it, maybe your DH thought that the very fact that you weren't there was a big message to his friend?

gosh thanks very very rare for me to be a reasonable voice, especially on here as you'll know....maybe i'm growing up or something, quick find me a political thread someone!!!

seriously mosschops, another thing you could do is ask yourself (or even your dh) if he would expect this from you? would he expect you to not see a friend if she was crappy to him? (i know i know i know, you would cut her off dead and stick pins in an effigy of her...me too...but would he feel that if you didn't, you didn't love him?...i bet not....)

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ok, so maybe ask him how he made clear that he feels this friend has really done you wrong? explain to him that you're hurt and that knowing that this guy really understands that your dh is extremely peed off with him would help you to feel better.

btw, without wanting to dredge up horrible yuck, what did he do to you and why? don't answer if you don't want....

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I'm not surprised you're really angry with him.

Has his friend apologised to you?

Because that would be the condition for me to continue to be friends with someone who had treated my partner like that.

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oh cripes. how horrible for you.

now. gulp. could it possibly be that your dh has been slightly sort of a bit complaining about restrictions that he claims have been imposed on him by you to this friend? you know how that can happen: 'how come you're never out anymore?' 'well, the wife doesn't like it' or umpteen million variations on that theme. then said friend comes up in drunken dutch courage idiot moment and is vicious and horrible to you?

is this hurting because there is something going on other than the friend? is i suppose what i'm trying slightly to say? do you need to talk to your dh about whether there is even the smidgest of truth that he does feel in any way restricted by marriage to you?

all i know is that in the situation that i've been in that was comparable to this, the (awful, painful) truth is that dh was a bit embarrassed of me, and therefore didn't defend me like he 'ought' to have done...

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LOL at obsessively Welsh.

I think what I would be upset about, is the level of hostility his friend obviously has to you.

And of course, the fact that as Sophable says, he has obviously been discussing with his friend about not being "allowed out" as it were, and that's probably why he feels a bit sheepish about not falling out with his friend more over this - he probably feels a bit guilty that he's said anything to a friend who is so hostile to his wife.

(That's why people tend to complain about their partners only to people who they know actually like their spouses. Loyalty again.)

ok, fair enough...

actually i agree with caligula that really an apology is in order, and your dh should be doing the extracting....

THUNK as sophable hits carpet....

HE FANCIES YOU!

case closed.

Sorry x posted. He's obviously not such a good friend then.

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