broken leg - big row with dh

[verysoreatm]

I'm recovering fron a broken leg atm. Still very sorea and v painful to walk evn with crutches so dh doing most things for me. Had row this eve, got very heated, shouty and nasty and he told me he wasn't going to help me anymore. I'd never stoop to that level with him, it's really hurt me. He's said since he didn't mean it, he felt unappreciated.

Things still not good here. Trid to talk a bit this ve, didn't get anywhere - but we never do. anything that's agreed, he rarely sticks to

Feeling a little bit better. Have asked if we can talk this eve. I hoping goes well and we can try improve our relationship

OP I really feel for you in this situ - similarly many years ago I had a severe back injury - in hosp for 3 weeks laid up for another 2 - had to be bathed and everything by DH - it really put a strain on us at the time - him coping with working full time, looking after DS, house, me etc - we both just had to let lots of things slide and were better for it in the long run.

Must be why the marriage vows contain "in sickness and in health" - presumably its not uncommon for health issues to threaten the foundations of a relationship as it does affect the balance of power - one feeling vulnerable the other feeling put upon

Thanks Lima. Yes the balance of power is hugely affected! I'm notmally very independant and if i need to do something i do it. Don't like asking for helpunless it's necessary and hate feeling so weak and a burden .

Had a better talk with dh last night. I've made it very clear i won't accept him being verbally abusive again an if he does i will want us to split up. Have agreed to amke time once a week to talk about how we think things are going. We used to do this ealier in the year but it all stopped when i broke my ankle...and now things have gone downhill.Am am wrong to feel so upset he could shout like that when i'm in this stae or is that just being silly? I know he's under pressure too, with working, looking aftr ds, etc

Just wondered if anyone had any more thoughts on this? We're much calmer with eachother now and getting back to normal

Personally I wouldn't be worried that he could shout while you were in this 'state'. To him, you are temporarily laid up with an injury and things are stressful for him too...sometimes this leads to arguments. I think sometimes they are to be expected, and having a broken leg doesn't remove you from that. I don't mean that to sound harsh as I know how unsettling it can be to be laid up, I just mean that life does have to carry on. He genuinely sounds like he is trying to rectify things, why make it so hard? You can only 'punish' him for so long. If he is abusive in other ways or has a history of being horrific that is different, but everyone says stupid things at times.

I suspect that if you weren't laid up at the mo this would be over and done with by now, but having not much else to do is causing you to focus on this more than you would do normally.

He can be verablly abusive somtimes when he is angry. Doesn't happen as often as it used to - twice so far this year. I was wondering if he should see a counsellor or something by himslef but weve had so many counselling sessions and they can only change so much... He's goto to want to find a different way of dealing with his anger - hopefully he can do it. I told him my dream was for us to be happy together - no mansion. amazing holidays, etc just to be happy with him