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Original poster

is this a bit stalker like or acceptable?

37 replies

beebers · 19/07/2010 12:30

Met a really nice guy while out on saturday night. was slightly pissed therefore did not exchange phone numbers. i do know where he lives as he told me. do you think it is acceptable to knock on his door later on in the week and see if he fancies a drink. as i am typing i feel like a stalker. not acceptable is it.

OP posts:
shimmerysilverglitter · 19/07/2010 12:33

NO!

If some bloke did this I would think he was a bit of a nutter and would be freaked out.

Something similar happened to me years ago, I met a pleasant enough bloke in a bar and got talking, didn't exchange numbers but my sister was with me and in the course of the conversation told him where she worked (large bank) not which branch. He then proceeded to phone every branch in the area until he found her to get my number. I thought it was a bit strange tbh and it put me right off him.

MavisJumble · 19/07/2010 12:36

He may find it a bit odd but sureely you only become a stalker if he isn't interested and you continue to go to his home...

How about putting a note through the door if you are not confident how he will percieve it (And say so in the note) leaving your number and leaving the ball in his court should he be interested for a date.

Original poster
beebers · 19/07/2010 12:38

i didn't really want to do that because in case i had completely wrong address or he turned out to be married. in which case, would not be fair on wife etc and would not be interested in a million years. will just leave it.

OP posts:
Hassled · 19/07/2010 12:41

Go back to the same bar next Saturday. If he's keen and regretting the lack of numbers, he'll be there. If he's not - then it's fate deciding for you.

Original poster
beebers · 19/07/2010 12:43

got the kids on saturday night. not sure that is appropriate behaviour to see!

OP posts:
mmmwine · 19/07/2010 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Taghain · 19/07/2010 12:54

I'd say yes, go for it.
Caveat - I'm older than many of you and easily remember days before people had mobiles and all flats had phones, so calling round was the only way to arrange to meet up.

You may learn something about how he lives, as well.

If you're not brave enough to knock on the door, then a short note through his letter-box should be fine. Keep it short & simple with your number on it. Address it to his name so if it's the wrong address then the woman living there will know it's not written to her man. (IYSWIM)

HousewifeOfOrangeCounty · 19/07/2010 12:54

he's just not that into you, if he was he'd have made sure to get your number.

Sorry.

ShadeofViolet · 19/07/2010 13:02

Send him a letter in the post - then your not invading his personal space.

expatinscotland · 19/07/2010 13:05

Oh, I'd not do that.

In the past, if I met men whilst pissed, if we didn't exchange numbers then and there, I didn't pursue it any further, tbh.

I agree with Housewife.

gramercy · 19/07/2010 13:06

Do you have a dog? Can you walk past his house?

Do NOT knock on the door. I would flippin' DIE if some bloke I'd met the previous week turned up on my doorstep.

I think best idea is to return to same bar/pub when you get the chance.

ItsGraceActually · 19/07/2010 13:08

I'm on the 'drop a note' side

EleanorHandbasketsWalking100k · 19/07/2010 13:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 19/07/2010 13:16

Yeah, but Eleanor, it's different if you've shagged them .

Original poster
beebers · 19/07/2010 13:19

I don't want to take the risk in case he is married, he says he wasn't but you never know and I don't want to be responsible for another woman hurting like that.

new on the dating scene you may remember my post although different name (long story) but partner walked out on me and the three kids. i just want to move on. It was nice to be chatted up but I guess if I see him around, I see him around. i also don't want to put a note through the door and be all tense waiting fora phone call that might not come.

OP posts:
Bexstar5 · 19/07/2010 14:58

No - don't do it! I know it is nice to flirt and perhaps like others have said, you can go to same bar and see if he's there. It could be a mistake that you both left without exchanging numbers or it could have been done purposely. Keep your pride in tact and please do not knock on the door! Good luck...

SolidGoldBrass · 19/07/2010 15:36

I think I'd try the note through the door. But only the one. It isn't stalking if you only do it once, after all - if one request for a date was stalking, no one would ever be able to date!
Best outcome: he is thrilled by your initiative (lots of blokes actually quite like it when a woman makes the first move, as long as they actually fancy her).
Worst outcome: he tells all his mates about mad bunnyboiling woman (which you;re not, in the least) and you start drinking in a different bar.

Original poster
beebers · 20/07/2010 20:32

so i must have given him my number because he just text me this: hi it was great meeting you saturday night hope you had a good time.

i text back ' i did feel a little rough the next day. if you fancy going out sometime let me know.

is that casual enough or a bit desperate? i don't know i am new to this.

OP posts:
aegeansky · 20/07/2010 20:36

Put a note through the door (and I'm a bloke, so I should know).

I wouldn't knock at this stage.

Original poster
beebers · 20/07/2010 20:38

bloody hell he just text me:

I would like to go out very much. i did tell you i'm seeing someone else didn't I?

Yep goodbye mate.

OP posts:
Warbride · 20/07/2010 20:38

Did you get a response?

UnholyMoley · 20/07/2010 20:42

Bummer.

At least he was honest!

Original poster
beebers · 20/07/2010 20:46

apparently he gave me this information on Saturday night. i have no recollection of this as i was a leetle bit influenced by alcohol. what a tit.

OP posts:
UnholyMoley · 20/07/2010 20:47

Oops. Live and learn

No harm done.

Next!

Original poster
beebers · 20/07/2010 20:50

oh he just text me again to say she lives up north and its an unspoken agreement that they can see other people. not exactly selling it to me.

OP posts: