Someone please knock some sense into me - I am hurting

[brightandcheery]

Hi all,
I'm new but please just give it to me straight as I need a kick up my backside!

I'm female, was very close friends (or so I thought) to a male for a few years. Up until last week we'd text throughout the day then email in the evenings - we did nothing but laugh together.

I have pushed aside the habitual lies he has told time & time again. I know, I know, why be friends with someone that lies to my face so much? Because he is a lost soul, bit misguided & needs loving (& truth be told I want to be liked, I guess)

I asked to meet him & he said no due to working - I saw him in a public place 90 miles away with an ex he swore blind to me he was having no contact with (He said it was in my head then admitted it)

He had given up work & driven 180 miles to meet her yet wouldn't sacrifice his income or make a 12 mile detour for me last week to despite committing to spending time with me - he chose to accept a job & cancel me.

I am trying to work out the following so if anyone has been kind enough to read through this waffle & reply, I do very much appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

1. Why would he lie to me consistently? He says he is closed book as SHE hurt him & now he can't open up. Isn't that just an excuse as oppose to a reason? He says there are things I don't need to know.

1. If that's the case, why is even meeting her, let alone telling me he isn't...which means they ARE talking despite him telling me she is no longer in his life. He knows I just want him to be happy. There is no jealousy on my part. I am married.

1. He is happy to cancel a days work AND drive all that way for someone he claims to not care about yet he takes on work for the time we'd arranged to have together AND will not go out of his way to see me.

She treated him so badly (Assuming he is telling the truth on that one) Why is he putting me down & giving her priority? I don't get it.

Someone PLEASE kick my bum into gear. We haven't spoken for a few days & I am hurting.

Hi brightandcheery.

Your post left me a little confused. Is this a platonic friendship? Are you just wanting to be friends with him?

From the way you put it it sounded like you were jealous he met his ex (I know you said you werent but you are asking why he has chosen her over you to meet and are angry at him giving her prioirty) and there is some sort of issue with him lying to you about it...are you hurt he lied or hurt he saw her?

From the point of view of him as a guy, sounds like he still has feelings for his ex. Without knowing whether there is something more than friendship going here between you both it's hard to say, but he sounds like he is doing a typical guy thing where he keeps you at arms length because he still has feelings for his ex, whilst having you in the background just in case sort of thing.

Sounds like he's kind of immature.

The only thing I would say is that yes it sounds really annoying he would lie to you when you were going to meet, but that your reaction to that is more one of a jealous lover than a friend. I might be way off but thats how it comes accross.

Were you ever in a relationship with him? You described him as a friend. If he is just a friend, then no he shouldn't lie but you have no hold on him. Does he think you are in a relationship?

I think its time to move on.

Sorry, but he clearly doesn't want you. None of your business if he wants to meet up with someone else unless you're in a relationship with him???

Why are you so bothered by it? Do you love him?

Are you so possessive of all your friends? Or is it just male ones? Or is it just ones you have non-platonic feelings for?

Are you aware of what an emotional affair is?

Sounds to me there is huge jealousy on your part married or not.

You need to take a step back you are far to attatched to your "friend". It's none of your business what he does in his love life you are friends.

Your husband should be very concerned about your feellings IMO. It's affair territory of thw worst kind and you can't see it......

How did you haptrippen to see him, witrapth his ex, 90 miles away?

'scuse typos

Thanks for replying. Just to clarify:

Never was a relationship...I just like to know where I stand & I guess I was just hoping you would point out that clearly I don't stand anywhere.

I am not bothered by anything other than just trying to understand why he would jump when she clicks yet he says I am his best friend & constantly lets me down. What is that about? That's the bugging issue.

I wouldn't do to my friends what he does to me, that's all.

Saw him with her as like I said - it was in a public place & he knows I have friends that prt of the world. We both happened to be there at the same time. He hid it from me - it was coincidence.

I told you I am married because I have no interest in him sexually or emotionally.

He's just not into you

Thankfully

Because you seem far, far too obsessed with him for someone with no sexual/emotional interest in him

I told you I am married because I have no interest in him sexually or emotionally.

Yeah sure, I doubt your husband would agree....either your are a bit emotionally unstable OR you can't see the wood for the trees.

You are far too attachted and clingy to this man emotionally for just a "friend" and considering you are married.

Being married does not make you immune to feelings for others you know, it's called denial in your case.

Fruitcake alert.

OP, does your H know you're feeling this bad about a platonic friend's social arrangements?

Am thinking Eleanor is very happy with the multiple bolding

Were it a female friend who had been seen out with a supposed ex, I would suggest she was embarrassed at having got back together with him after swearing to you it was all over. She might have felt that after you had mopped up all the tears and taken her side, it would look like letting you down to take him back. She might also be afraid of what you'd say! And if that was the only lie she told, and she was otherwise a good friend, I'd say either wait until she wanted to tell you about it, or very gently raise the subject whilst making clear that you understand it is her life, her choice and you, as a friend, are there for her. She should never have to choose between love and friendship.

If, on the other hand, she habitually lies and lets you down, you have to ask yourself what you really get out of this friendship, and whether you should just let it go, as she clearly doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth.

Does it really make that much difference if the friend is male?

Eleanor, did you have to do stars every time for that?

try it loopy, it's fab

HOW??????

type a sentence or whatever then put the * in front of the first word and at the end of the last word

oh ok, like this?