does this sound casual to you?

[rainyweather]

Just wanted to get a consensus about this before i speak to him about it.

Met a man 5 weeks ago, We got on well, but he said he was looking for something more casual than a serious relationship. Been a bit dry on the male front myself, i thought why not.

But since then, he either phones, texts, msns me every day, the whole time. We see each other at least a couple of times a week. We have planned to spend all of fri/sat together, then hes away sunday, but asked if i was free monday.

Yes, theres a lot of sex, but also a lot of wine, and joking, and talking and films, and just hanging out.

I always thought casual was a bit less often, and not the constant contact. He says he loves talking to me.

hes always inviting me to his, hes been here.

So, im wondering if i should say something, and if so what? or is this just casual but in adifferent way?

im going to go with the flow. im enjoying it, so dont see why not.

hes already asked again today, if i can be free later, but i said i really cant, i am busy ( which i am) but im seeing him fri/sat anyway. and then monday.

still cant get over the 5 weeks thing diddle. I was seeing someone for 8 months before, and i never even introduced him to my child. i dont think after just 5 short weeks you know if its going to be a longer term relationship ( esp as the word casual has come up, but even if it hadnt) I wouldnt introduce anyone to family and friends, unless i knew it was serious.

Well it wasn´t a great formal introduction iyswim, but he picked me up from my parents once as I happened to be there, & on the way out somewhere we were going past his parents so popped in.

Mind you, we were relatively old (approaching 30), so all adults, so it wasn´t a big looking for approval thing or anything like that.

It took us four months before deciding to marry.

Why are you letting him define the terms of this relationship? Why re you in a relationship where you don't yknow the terms and conditions and are having to piece it all together?

Are you happy being someone that a man can have loads of sex with, and hanging-out dates (very cheap and easy for him to invite you round to his house like a pizza...), whilst still telling her to her face that he has no long-term plans for her?

Ew. Not for me. Don't, please, allow yourself to think that you're being the cool, non-clingey one in this scenario because you are spending HOURS on the phone to him and answering all his texts. You're not being cool and casual. Cool/casual girl would see a man who genuinely liked her (and said so, and proved it by taking her out to do fun stuff not just slob around shagging or watching TV), but only when it suited her.

Now you're trotting off to get yourself screened so he can rid himself of the inconvenience of condoms. So what protection will you be using then? The pill? Righto then. So you'll have all the hassle of that too.

He has one foot out the door. At any stage he can play his "casual" card and scarper.

You're worth more than this!

It's possible he initially wanted something casual but now feels a real connection to you and wants more. It may have taken him by surprise.

Or he may be a stalker and dangerous so carry a hammer in your bag, just in case.

I think if he'd felt a real connection, he'd have said something to imply that by now.

Does he buy you little presents (even silly stuff, like your favourite bar of chocolate or something you mentioned you liked)? Does he offer to fix stuff for you, then do it? Does he go out of his way for you? Does he give you flowers, or dinner, or evenings out?

If he does any of tht, he might genuinely like you. But texts, DVD-nights and shags mean nothing.

If you want to know, tell him about your date the other night and listen to his reaction. If he likes-you likes-you, he will feel terrified and immediately want to take you off the market by telling you he wants you two to be eclusive. If he doesn't, then he's just not that into you (and you should dump him now before you get any more keen on him).

beautiful.

have you actually read any of the thread?
Im happy for it to be casual id rather that.
I cannot deal with being emotionally involved with someone. It freaks me out, hanging out, having and laugh and lots of sex is fine with me. It really is.
i do not want anyone encroaching on my actual life.

i dont want long term plans.

Not all women are the same and are after the same thing. Im far more hurt that i will ever admitt by my exhusband, and for that reason i like to keep people at arms lenght. That may change in the future. it may not.

Im already on the pill, so its not hastle. i hate condoms myself and actually i think its at least very grown up and sensible to talk about being tested. especially in this day and age, and being truthful, after my ex husband did so much shagging about, i should really have been tested.

Im only spending Hours on the phone to him when i want to. Or when im free and at a loose end. Im only seeing him when i want to as well.

If you had read the thread you would have maybe realised that this wasnt about some poor girl hoping it was more than just a casual thing. but actually some women, worrying it was more than just casual as that scares the shit out of me.

what - does he offer to fix stuff for me?

my god! lol. im sorry, but ive known him for 5 weeks. if i had known anyone for 5 weeks id be a little freaked out if they wanted to come and fix things, or brought me presents.
5 weeks fgs!

I read the whole thread. I read this:

"the only worry for me, is that i will get attached, because of the whole texting/talking/msn when we arent seeing each other, then will feel a bit rubbish when it ends."

"if i had known anyone for 5 weeks id be a little freaked out if they wanted to come and fix things, or brought me presents.
5 weeks fgs!"

Eh? And yet you'd happily spend 3 nights with them in one week having sex, and get yourself tested for STDs at their request, text them alllll day and spend 3 hours on the phone to them, and start a thread about them?

But God forbid he bought you a bar of chocolate? Are you for real?

of course id get attached - and i dont want that to happen. Do you not understand. I dont want a relationship. I dont want to get attached to someone. If he keeps up the whole contacting the whole time thing, eventually i will get attached. AND I DONT WANT THAT TO HAPPEN.

of course id more happily spend hours having sex that have him round fixing random things. I love sex. its not me giving him sex, its because i bloody well want it.

he hasnt requested i get an sti check. he said what he would like, and that its up to me. But actually it is something i should do ( and its actually silly that i havent as ive said my ex husband was never ever faithful)

I dont text him all day. i reply when i want to. I speak to him on the phone when i want to.

The thread is not about him, its about me, panicking that this is not casual.

and yes, if he brought me a box of chocolates or something, i would think it even more odd. seeing as this is meant to be a casual thing. BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

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i just think that until you either ask him if this amount of contact is infact his idea of a casual relationship, or make the decision yourself to either see him less or minimise the contact to your idea of casual, then you will just be going round in circles thinking about it.

If you dont want to get attached, and the amount of contact you are currently having with him through texts etc. means you are likely to get attached, then surely its better for you to limit it to something you are more comfortable with, and not worry too much about him and whatever his idea of casual may be?

I bet you're glad you posted this now rainyweather?

Sounds great and enjoy!

thank you swallowed.

yes. im an adult woman engaging in sex for my own pleasure. I can actually think of nothing better than hanging out wit good company, wine, sharing jokes, watching some dvd, lots of flirtying then an whole night of sex.

i know for a fact he is not sleeping with anyone else. Mumatron - yeah, i know that feeling, it appears my husband also thought our marriage was casual too.

anyway. he last text me at lunchtime, to which i did not reply to. Was busy at work, and hes just text again.
hes def chasing me. Hes def more than interested, and im not sure on the whole casual thing.

im still trying to get over the fact that apparently, if he likes me, he would, after 5 weeks be fixing things round the home for me??? lol
like i cant do them myself.

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I think it´s just that most people go out & see what happens don´t they-without labels such as casual?

yes swallowed, all the sex is truely awful. i just hate it, its horrible to have to endure all the orgams and pleasure

and like you, if someone said they wanted something serious from me after only seeing me a few times, i would run faster than the speed of light.

diddl - yeah. i get what your saying. its the labelling which is stupid, and its that label which has be in a thing about it. if there was no label in the first place, i wouldnt worry.

mumatron - i know. i should say i highly suspect that he isnt. and really, i know all about cheating weasling husbands. really.

Well tbh what matters is if you think he is contacting too much, then I guess you have to either tell him or not reply.

I suppose from casual & would expect contact to arrange to meet up, but not much else in between iyswim.

If he's asking you for STD checks and to stop using condoms, isn't that a great chance to ask if that means he wants you both to stop seeing other people? (i.e. not casual)