What is going on?

[onlyone]

3 months ago now my dh told me he had been fucking one of our best family friends for the past 9 months.

They want to get together and build a better future for them and her dcs. No mention of me and our dcs or what her fiancee might want.

Despite the complete betrayal and hurt, I am trying to keep going and managing pretty well. Well I think I am!

But what the hell is going on?

We are 3 months down the line, he is still living at home, ( separate bed) other than the beds you would not know anything had changed, except the odd argument. He talks of things in the future. Treats DCs very well so no complaints. She has not told her family or other half, is still living at home with her DCs.

I am confused, he has a place to go to but has not, so does she - that may change this week, s we had major argument over whether I was lying about something or the OW. She has convinced him that she did not tell him because she knew it would hurt him, ergo she understands him better than I do.

I feel like I am treading water, I have gone out got myself a job, have been house hunting but feel like I ma being played with - do they actually want to do this or are they just playing with everyones lives.

onlyone the words 'best rid' spring to mind.

You have all the dignity in the situation though.

What a tosser, have you told her bloke yet?

Oh god, don't you just love these OW with their help and guidance in getting our "D"Hs to leave us - utter bitch and I hope no one comes on here telling you not to blame the OW - she is as equally to blame as him.

i know this is hard for you and we all feel this man is a git putting it lightly, you are tired and i understand that but try find that strength again,if you cant go away on a holiday try a weekend without the kids and do some thinking, do it all in your own time. and evan if you dont tell the fiancee im sure he will find out theses things eventually come out ans the shit soon hit the fan. yes he shud go and you shud jus pck his case and leave it by the door of corse once the kids are in bed and start fresh in the morning.

yes it does take 2. she new what she was doing. let her deal with him now!!!!! gud luck to the both of them, or shall i say let him deal with her now, grass isnt always greener now is it!!!!

do what you have to do girl, they are the prob not you okay.

"she wants to be there to catch him and help him make the right decisions for him with her guidance and advice. " Awwwwww, what lovebirds. They richly deserve each other.

So he has left of his own accord. Good - tell that to a solicitor and hopefully you won't have to welcome him back. His choice to go after all.

Three months? Three months??? Can't believe you have tolerated this for so long.

So, OW told DH he might not be the father of your youngest child and his reaction was - what? - to treat the children like shit????

What an utter arsehole.

I would never normally advocate this, but FGS tell the other bloke what his girlfriend is up to and see a solicitor about a divorce. Immediately.

Ah now, cut her some slack. She has had a lot on her plate, and has dealt with one thing at a time.

It is a very good thing that he has left, solicitor-wise.

This man is a shit!

Not much in the spine dept either.

Not much else to add to what mathanxiety & other have sadi, but keep your dignity & try not to sink to their game. You dc's will thank you for it in the long run.

Depending upon how close the family friendship thing was, things are likely to get a whole lot worse when it busts open for the OW, fallout & all that.

You seem to be doing a sterling job though, so kudos for that.

Very close family friends - holidays dinners, dcs staying over etc etc

Am trying to maintain my dignity hence why amongst all the other shit going on, I have not spoken to her other half.

Oh we have only just started and I realise that, losing it big time with both of them will not help me.

Am working this weekend and then have a long weekend booked in Norfolk - not quite a med beach which I would love but better than nothing.

I still feel like I am in a movie on slow play and I will wake up one day. Solicitor, scary today about how little responsibility he would have to take and if they move in together then I automatically get less money because he can claim he is responsible for her kids aswell - no fucking justice on that one. My happiness in getting a well paid job, has been shortlived as it may also mean I end up having to give him money/ ergo the whore.

As far as the CSA is concerned he is still responsible for paying for his own kids, and there is no way on God's earth you would have to give him and her money. How did the solicitor work than one out?

I'd see a different solicitor. You've got all the balls in your court - he's the one whose had the affair, you're the one left bringing up his children.

Her children's father is responsible financially for them. Your soon to be ex is responsible for his.

Sounds like a thick insensitive prick.

WTF?

If it were me in his shoes, I'd WANT to move out asap, unless there is antoehr motive...

I dunno about getting another solicitor; this one may only be warning about worst case scenarios, which to be fair is part of his job. The most important part of his job, though, is fighting his client's corner so this doesn't happen. Although there's no harm in getting a second opinion, a happy-clappy sol who tells you what you want to hear isn't necessarily going to be more effective than a cagey old bird.

WTF? Ridiculous situation, but I'm sure it's a worst-case scenario; it's not as if he's got custody of the children so it's mad to think you would have to pay him a penny.

We had a mad lodger once, who insisted that his exW was supposed to be paying him, because he was on the dole and she was working for the NHS. He kind of missed out the bit where she had custody of the two kids, and he saw one of them once in a while, generally at a contact centre. Of course, he was talking nonsense.

Don't worry too much, but if you can bear to you could get a second opinion.

Thank god the dosser's out of the house though.

I now earn more than asshole and because I got the job before divorce and my training to do said job was done whilst we were together - he can claim he helped me get to this position.

He wants joint custody with DCs spending sometime with him every week. Not sure how he think that is going to work with an hour drive each way from her little shag house.

Yes he has to give money but less if he has them one day per week of the year and if married then he will also be supporting her DCs, so money goes down.

As they have already threatened to go for full custody so DCs can be brought up in a proper family as I am sad uncaring career woman and Daddy is as good as Mummy.....

Every time I think they can sink no lower, they both fall even lower into the cess pit of immorality and selfishness.