A question about passion, sex, all that sort of thing....

[Elmtree1Ems]

Hey to all on the board.

This might sound like a bit of an odd question but I was wondering if anyone had ever had a relationship where the passion DIDN'T go?

It's just that it seems to me that all the advice and agony aunt columns are about how it all fades and you are left with companionship but no real sparks and so on and I sort of got to thinking...but who said it had to be like that?

I mean is it really not possible to have a LTR where you still fancy each other like mad and want to sh*g each other all the time?

Isn't that kind of sad if so?!!!

Evening.

Well, I for one still fancy the pants off DH. We may well be 'newlywed' in some folk's eyes, 4 years this July, 5 years together, but wow!

He still does it for me big time!!

Lots of touchy feely moments and sparks here, including 'date nights' on a regular basis.

Best relationship I have ever had which is why I married him.

I'm in this for keeps and the fire still burns. If you fan the flames, they'll glow!!!

I've only been with DH 5 years, but 3 pregnancies later I still want to boff him all the live-long day.

The very many children seem to get in the way though.

He may see things differently though.

I still fancy DP like mad, only 5 years in though.

Definetly helps when we make the effort to be touchy feely in everyday stuff.

There have been periods when i've went off him, that happens when we're not talking and there are times when life gets in the way of passion, thats why I think its important to make the effort (when you've the energy)!

Na 18 years on and its boring

No spark at all for me. its because he has put weight on. I know it sounds wrong but I cant help it if its just not happening any more. havnt had a snog for years. just shag to get pregnant

Have been with my DH nearly 7 years and still fancy the pants off him! We're not quite as passionate as the early days but that's due to being knackered after a day with the DC's! We're happy though and still nuts about each other.

Mouseface, Brittanybeers and TrappedinSuburbia, Iam willing to bet a few grand that if youcome back to this thread in another 10 years you will have a completely different answer.

[sighs at the distant memory of being with DH at the 5yr mark]

Sexual attraction is very different after 13 years......my feelings have deepened for him over the years, but it is passionate in a different way, a genuinely deeper kind of love - just not a "phwooar, get your kit off" kind of way. I would not be without him in any way but it is quality not quantity these days. There is just not the urgency for sex these days.......

I'm particularly fond of this study, which coined the term "Swans" for couples who are still butterfly-tummy in love
"Their relationships are intense and sexually active."

Oh onEdge how for you.

My parents are companions these days as are PIL. You just know that they are no longer intimate.

In fact, my mother would rather spend an evening at her bitch'n'stich club (quilters) than an intimate night with my father.

She openly admits this but I feel he would give it a go, if only she'd let him!

Poor man.

Grace - brilliant. DH and I are 'seahorses' except I do the birth bit.

CurlyHA - no doubt you are right, but while it lasts, I for one am making the most of my non athritic hips not clicking in certain positions to put him off!!

I hope not CurlyhairedAssassin.

Its not the same as at the start and dp has put on a fair wee bit of weight, but its different and better, I don't know how to describe it.

13 years together with dh, I could shag morn and night , however, we did do this morn, but perhaps not tonight as we have had a tipple too many, but then yo never know.

I'm so glad to read that there are some of you who have been together for years and still are fancying each other like mad!

See I read some study (Daily Mail why do I read it?!!!!) which said that the intense hormone passion thing only lasted about a year and then your chemical makeup actuially changes or something and you don't get the same 'rush' (ok I know not really very scientific but its one of the things that got me to thinking hehe) as before.

Thing is I am now in a relationship with a man who is uh a sex god to me (sorry ) and if anything I fancy him more now than I did at the beginning.

I've been with other people where it was sort of great at the beginning cause of the newness and stuff but I never really fancied them the wya I do with my bf now...Isort of got to wondering whether it's just that if you are with the right person then you jkust wanna uh f*ck them no matter what, or whether it can never last.

It's so cool to know there are others out there who are still all in lust and stuff after five or seven years and so on.

Maybe there is hope!

Hey D&S.

Elm - there is always hope. And if not, there is always Viagra!

Dont get me wrong, I am very happy with husband and wouldnt want to change him for anyone in the whole world. I love him very deeply and he is a wonderful Dad too. its just the shag thing. He would do it anytime. I would rather give him a BJ than have intercourse. Mind you , I know a few freinds who fake their orgasms which I would never do. I know that if my husband lost 4 stone I would fancy the arse off him again. He is very attractive when he is slimmer, has a lovely square jaw, but now it is all jowly.

Sometimes I wonder if we split up and then got back together if it would re ignite the spark. I think I do take him for granted.

At the moment I would prefer sleep but from experience I know its still there. We just have a down time after each child for a bit. We do look forward to the future together though as we know its gonna be good

We have fiery arguments which are over and forgiven very quickly. I wonder if its part of the passion thats still there.
Together 11 years

Elm, there's a thing going on with skin hormones and your sense of smell. The first flush of love/lust baffles your pheromone-sniffing abilities (I think it's an effect of oxytocin, can't be sure). Anyway, that lasts for about 18 months, which is long enough from Nature's pov; you could be shacked up & pregnant by then.

The thing to do, apparently, is wait at least 2 years before making any Big Relationship Decisions - and then seeing whether you still love the smell of each others' skin.

You swans & seahorses - any comment?

I did notice I'd seriously gone off the natural scent of both evil exes, well before I saw the light.

I am 32 weeks pregnant and it is very hot and have two other DCH, do you think that might be it?

Been together 7 and a half years and married for 6. He knows how to turn me on more than anyone and also he is the hottest guy I know. Never gone off him even after the birth of our baby and 2 miscarriages

I agree very strongly with the "scent of love/lust" theory - 28 years on and I still get that sexual urge when sniffing my DH. It's something I can't explain, the smell of him makes me weak and excites me in a purely sexual sense and when he says "you smell lovely", it means "I want to shag you".

It definitely fades while you are child rearing though, probably because the smell of your babies is something so all consuming.

We are definitely a pair of "swans", I can't imagine it being any different when we are 70.

Together 16 years and got 4 dc. I don't look at dh and think I fancy you, but I love him so much. Sex has taken a nosedive - my fault as so knackered and just lost interest. However have just rediscovered daytime sex when all children at school or preschool. It's fab. I get to go to bed at night and sleep as I'm too tired for sex then and then have a daytime shag!

I've been with my DH 28 years too; 26 of them married - and we still have a very strong passion for one another. However, I would be surprised if any relationship of this length had been like this all the time, especially in one that has produced children. Ours certainly hasn't - the passion has waxed and waned according to parenting and career demands.

What I've learned though is that it is entirely possible to fall in love with eachother all over again - and feel the same sort of intense passion of the early days. It's a lovely gift after being together so long .

Was watching Celebrity Mr & Mrs the other day (ooh, the life I lead....) and they had Mr and Mrs Danny Dyer on. They've been married for something like 16 years and you could see they still wanted to rip each other's clothes off 24 hours a day. They couldn't keep their hands off each other.

DH and I (15 years together) looked at each other and went......sigh......

I still fancy DH, he is a lovely looking man and is just my type! I llok forward to the moment he walks through the door and feel happiest when he is there. I am not the most sexual person though, I have never 'needed it' that much. Am heavily pregnant at the moment so have very little drive, but I know that I still love him in the 'right' way so am not worried. He's the one!