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Original poster

Is there a sisterhood?

59 replies

poshsinglemum · 10/07/2010 19:29

I've read a few things on mumsnet which suggest that people don't believe in a sisterhood as we are competing for resources such as men, money etc and therefore cannot be looking out for each other.
I find this really sad as I love my girlfriends but at the same time can see elements of competition and envy between us girls.
What is the sisterhood if it exists? How far can you trust your fellow females?

OP posts:

thesunshinesbrightly · 10/07/2010 19:40

All girls are bitches out for number one, plain and simple.No sorry most not all.

No such thing as sisterhood.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 10/07/2010 19:58

I think it's human nature to look out for number one. Men and women. Selfish gene and all that. Why do we hate each other for it though? Isn't it possible to progress in one's own life without trampling on all and sundry or am I incredibly naive? I do find people in general hard work ; esp some of the females I know. That's why I'm a bit of a misanthrope!

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southeastastra · 10/07/2010 20:05

don't think that at all have female friends and sisters and we do help each other really no competition

would worry if there was

sincitylover · 10/07/2010 20:09

I think there is a strong sisterhood amongst my girfriends but not in the wider world especially not at work.

I get on well with alot of people at work but female bosses I have worked for or for that matter females who have worked for me aren't my sisters.

Haven't got a RL sister but would have loved one.

2rebecca · 10/07/2010 20:17

I have loyalty towards my friends and family. I don't feel that I owe women I don't know any more loyalty than men I don't know.
I only have 1 sister and 1 brother.

CoteDAzur · 10/07/2010 20:20

Men are competitors. Women are enemies.

No such thing as "sisterhood".

Shaz10 · 10/07/2010 20:20

Not around me there isn't.

Elmtree1Ems · 10/07/2010 20:23

I think women who are friends / family with each other look out for one another in general. I know of many women who have had chances to do bad things to another woman and not taken that chance. But there are also plenty who don't give a sh1t if they are stepping on another woman's toes in regards to say attached men for example. And there are some who are actually so insecure and have such a crap sense of self-worth that they actively seek out attached men to boost their pathetic egos.

That being said there are a lot of men out there who do the same thing too. I think it's just people...you get some good ones with a strong moral code, and some who won't ignore their own selfish needs for anything.

Women also tend to be either very supportive of each other or incredibly bitchy, especially when in groups...I think it's because of all the pressures we face to be everything to everyone....sex goddess, uber mother, career woman...etc. We either support or compete and as anyone who has ever been on the receiving end of bitchiness from a group of women knows, it;s always nicer to be supported. I don;t really think there is a sisterhood per se. Some women are supportive, some are cows, some are a little of both!

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 10/07/2010 21:15

I have to admit I have trod on another women's toes as I tried to steal her boyfriend but not because I hated her or had anything at all against her (she sounds lovely and far nicer than me!) but because I liked him more and as far as love or lust is concerned I think people are very selfish.
Well I learned my lesson as I didn't get him and I am now glad and there are no hard feelings at all; I wish her well. I was being disrespectful to her but my feelings were very strong at the time and as there were no kids or marriage involved I saw him as fair game.
I would NEVER steal my proper girlfriend's man though and I do value my girlfriends but I am also wary of them. It's the bitching that gets me.
On the other hand I am a very girly girl. I love being girly and I could talk girly shit with my girlfriends for hours.

OP posts:

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 10/07/2010 21:19

I knew him way before she did too. also- i don't normally go for attached men and going for one in no way boosted my fragile ego!

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Elmtree1Ems · 10/07/2010 21:38

poshsinglemum - you know I think we have all been there wanting someone who wasn't available. Fair play to you for holding your hands up and saying what you did was wrong. No-one is perfect and I think when we lust after someone it can make all our senses fly out of the window.

Point is like you said you learned your lesson. My post was sort of black and white, but people really aren't like that. The majority of us try to make the best decisions we can for our own and other's happiness and sometimes we make poor ones.

What really does fuck me off though are the girls or guys who go for someone simply because they are attached, I know of women who boast they can get any guy, regardless of his marital or relationship status and its just an ego trip. That I don't get and was more what the pathetic part was aimed at.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 11/07/2010 12:55

I don't feel a compulsion to treat female strangers any better than males, so cannot subscribe to the notion of sisterhood, but can sign up to humanity and a duty of care to fellow human beings. It always jars with me when posters write that they feel no need to treat strangers with kindness and decency.

AnyFucker · 11/07/2010 15:50

I have used the term "sisterhood" on here.

Perhaps I mean more of a general term like "treat others how you would be treated yourself". The world would be a much better place if we could all do that (and I don't mean in a happy-clappy kinda way, just in a human way...)

I really hate to see posts from women on here who are so patently not "women's women". I am very much a woman's-woman, a loyal friend and would actually have my very foundations rocked if any other women treated me like some posters on here seem able to do. I never could do it.

I usually take a woman's side first too, in many given situations (unless completely obvious that she is an utter cow...and they do exist). Dunno why really, it may be a fault of mine. I am happy with it though...

Mouseface · 11/07/2010 16:03

AnyFucker - I'm the same. I seem to take the womans side. Especially when reading some of the posts on here.

The posts from men seem to get me worked up, you know the ones I mean!

I feel like saying 'boo fecking hoo, it's your DW/DP I feel sorry for' and then list the reasons why.

Do you think some woman have that as a default setting for some reason???? Taking the female's side?

poshsinglemum - I have a few, select female friends in RL. And by that I mean that I would go to the ends of the earth to help and know that they would return the favour.

I'm not a girly girl and I hate bitchfests between women about another woman.

I'm not normal am I?

AnyFucker · 11/07/2010 16:11

Interesting question there, mousey...

So, you have women whose default setting is to identify and sympathise with other women...

Then you have others whose first instinct is to side with a bloke...

Guess which kinda mate I would prefer ?

However, I am only half-joking really, 'cos surely the best way to be is to have the emotional intelligence to see the truth of any given situation and respond to that

It shouldn't be about "sides" really (but we all know that it very often is...)

PeppermintPasty · 11/07/2010 16:29

Now this question is interesting. I don't differentiate between men and women, at least I'd like to think I don't. Never called myself a feminist but would always line up with them. In the dim and distant past when I had these kind of conversations on a weekly basis, I'd be the one arguing the socialist perspective, rather than talking about sisterhood.

FWIW, I've never felt I was competing with other women over anything...am I just naive/bit dim?

The thing I know for SURE about myself is that I would never ever shit on another woman where a man is concerned. Life experience has taught me the value of being loyal, plus of course men are never worth it. The worst kind of vomit-inducing woman is the kind a friend of mine took to her bosom like a viper once-she shagged her man, which isn't the reason for the vomiting...-the really unforgiveable thing is pretending to be someone's friend while betraying them. urrrggh yuk yuk yuk, and I fear it goes on all the time. Those kind of women are so not in my er hood.

Mouseface · 11/07/2010 16:40

AnyFucker - exactly! There shouldn't be sides and don't get me wrong, if I can see the woman is bang out of order, I'll tell her so.

But my gut, split second instinct, seems to go in favor of the woman. I know that's wrong and judemental but it's not a concious thing IYKWIM......

It really does feel in built. Now without wanting to be pysco analyzed, this could be due to my bastard of a natural father leaving and my mother struggling to keep a roof over our heads?

God, ignore that. Let's not go there....

But quiet often, only when I know all facts do I then think hmm............

Maybe she is a pyschomadtartybint?

Lynli · 11/07/2010 16:59

I thought MN was a sisterhood. You can get advice and compassion and genuine concern from other women.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 11/07/2010 17:20

You see, I don't think I have a default setting for either sex. I don't automatically want to side with anyone based on their sex, but I always want to side with someone who is being treated badly, is having a rough time, or is being deceived - and sometimes that's not the OP, but their partner, or the stranger they are colluding with another, to hurt.

You can spot the women who don't like other women a mile off on here, I think, just as you can in RL, if you've got enough nouse.

Like some of you, I've met the sort of women who compete with other women all the time, either for men, or for who is more "attractive". I have steered well clear of them tbh - I just don't relate to that sort of competitiveness at all. But I also don't relate at all to people who say that everyone is out for themselves and there is no such thing as society. I think that's just extreme selfishness and lets people off the hook for behaving badly.

giveitago · 11/07/2010 17:31

My good friends I trust 100%.They are there for me and I am for them and there is zero competition on any level.

Mouseface · 11/07/2010 17:35

WWIFN - yes, I agree re the spotting of women who don't like other women.

Do you know what, I think what you said about wanting to side with the 'injured party' - that is more what I mean but I think I have come across more women than men who fall into that category.

I'm contradicting myself here without meaning to but I don't often hear of men being treated poorly but when I do, I support them the same as I would a female friend.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 11/07/2010 17:58

Oh, there are quite a few men being treated poorly by MNetters, but so often it gets excused by other posters saying "he clearly made you unhappy, or you wouldn't be doing this..."

ItsGraceActually · 11/07/2010 19:26

In most respects I prefer women. To me, that makes sense because I am one!

Am always quite stunned by people like thesunshinesbrightly & Cote. Considering half the world your enemy must make for a stressful existence.

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 11/07/2010 19:48

I'm a girly girl on the sense that I LOVE fashion and dressing up. When I get togethre with my girlfriends I prefer to talk about men, our love lives, our kids and fashion music and film. I too don't like the bitchfest but can be guilty of bitching when upset with another woman. Normally because I'm a coward and hate confrontation.
I normally take the women's side too.
I once lived with a flatmate who HATED women. She's obviously had a bad experience like someone had stolen her man or something. She looked down on me for being ''girly'' but turned out she was very bitchy and girly in character rather than appearance! (sorry to be a bitch!)

OP posts:

Original poster

poshsinglemum · 11/07/2010 19:53

The odd thing is she always slagged women off for being cows but tried to steal someone elses man. Takes one to know one. I was completely bemused by her hatred of other women and I thank my lucky stars that I have some trust in girl power.

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