The Gift, Radio 4 documentary series

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Anybody else listening to this? It's only being released weekly, I think. It's a series of at least three episodes looking at the life-changing discoveries some people have made as a result of uploading DNA to genealogy websites like Ancestry. Last week's was an eye-opener - it was about children conceived with the help of fertility clinics long ago and tracking down sperm donors. This week's is about a man trying to find out something about his father's family and getting a huge shock. It's thought-provoking stuff. As the intro to each episode says, without anybody really noticing it, far less regulating it, an enormous database of DNA has been created worldwide and the ramifications are enormous.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/p0gd2dgb

I’m very late to the game as I’ve only just finished the second series! I agree with everyone here about the “switched at birth” episodes. I kept thinking “poor Jessica!”. I also wondered - having only heard the mum and older brother’s account - if their childhoods and family dynamics before the discovery weren’t quite as rosy as described. It was interested there were another 2 brothers who were barely mentioned; I’d love to know their take on it.

I did have to laugh at the woman in the episode about race who found out that her father was black, started wearing African clothing, then took some classes and realised that American society is racist. Seriously lady?!?

It's back! A bonus episode for series 2 started 5 minutes ago.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m00289pr

Excellent. That's my morning commute listening sorted

I just listened to it. Will pop back tomorrow and see what you thought!

Just finished listening.

My first thought was to notice the distancing language the family used to talk about William; “the older one” etc. There’d obviously been some big rupture before the DNA tests were done, but you have to wonder about the impact of the feeling that Joan, the mother, had always carried that he wasn’t her son (she spoke about not being able to bond with him as an infant) and how it affected all 3 children. Like the case with Jessica and Clare, I ended up feeling like the program shouldn’t have been made without the consent or input of the “ousted” child.

I also thought about the American families from series 1 where the fertility clinic had mixed up the sperm or embryos (can’t remember which), and how easily the parents and siblings decided to carry on and love the child they had. Such a contrast!

My other thought was that it was a bit alarming that you can buy other people’s birth certificates without their consent 😱

Just spotted a new series on Sounds called "DNA Trail - The Promise" that might appeal to all of us who love "The Gift". Looks like all episodes were added on 20th Feb.

Totally agree. Was very like the other case. That poor child and now adult.

I agree @MrsFrumble. I know that my DM had problems bonding with me after a traumatic birth.

She's never shown any really much affection and the difference in how she treated my younger sibling was stark.

I'm not sure it was internal and she probably wasn't aware of how differently she reacted to each DC but her face positively relaxed and looked happy when she looked at my sibling and she frowned slightly when she looked at me.

It was extremely subtle but had a profound effect on me growing up. It's hard to believe that her DS wasn't affected.

It sounds like the procedures at the Hospital were woefully inadequate and even if she had spoken up, I'm not sure if she woukd have been listened to 70 years ago or what tests they would have had available if they did take her sorties seriously.

Sorry pressed post before I checked it, hope you can make sense if it

I just finished listening to 1 and 2 and am fuming on behalf of "Jessica". "Clare" comes across as a right cuckoo in the nest and I actually have no sympathy for her at all. She knows EXACTLY what she's doing.

I was slightly more sympathetic to Clare; if she’d had a miserable lonely childhood the idea of a loving mum and big brother appearing out of nowhere and thinking you’re the best thing since sliced bread must seem miraculous, but her seeming lack of empathy for Jessica was disappointing. It was Tony who really ground my gears, with his apparent belief that he was the main character as he’d made the discovery. He should have passed the information onto Jessica and his mother to act upon and stepped away. I wonder if part of Jessica’s reaction was down to him acting behind her back.

@MrsFrumble I agree. He came across as such a pompous arse. Imagine poor Jessica listening to this. So awful.

With the latest episode, I felt so sad for the oldest son. The mother seemed so hopeless. Of course reflected the times she was in but the child certainly grew up feeling he wasn't really meant to be there.

Again, if he hears this on the radio...how hurtful. Both families lacked sensitivity.

It was mind-boggling that the hospital (in the latest episode) didn’t have any means of keeping track of whose baby was whose. And although I get that that generation was very stoical, taking home what you suspected was the wrong baby because you “didn’t want to make a fuss” is so extreme! It makes me wonder if the mother has done some post-rationalisation or subconscious editing of her memories to match the truth which has come to light.

As you can tell, I’ve spent way too much time pondering these stories! It’s been really eye-opening to hear the experiences of people who seem to value nature and DNA above nurture. Of course that’s the angle of the whole series, and my views are influenced by my relatively happy upbringing in my definite bio family (I look really like my dad!), but it’s been food for thought.

I've just listened to the William one. I couldn't help thinking that, as he's a genealogy buff, he'd also have been listening. Imagine listening to a programme about yourself - I know he's chosen to distance himself but, still.

And the one who they think is the real son/sibling - they didn't mention that he is having his whole reality pulled from under him. He may have no clue about any baby switch.

I saw it more that there was an event with the nurse carrying all four babies that the mum recognised carried a risk of a mix up. Not that she was sure there had been.

Then later when the son was so physically different she came back to it.

I do wonder if his estrangement came from this sense of them feeling he might not belong though. So hard when the children who have been mixed up are choosing. Lt to get involved in the story and so we just hear one side. I can’t even imagine how they must feel. In both cases the family claim they were estranged before the swop was known but it makes you wonder what’s going on really.

I have struggled to work out how I felt about the most recent family when they used a PI to track and approach a man who may or may not be the one who was also swopped. I totally appreciate they want to know and to meet him whilst their mum is still alive but even raising it as a possibility must have caused him so much distress. You
could argue if it’s true then it’s giving him the opportunity to meet his mum whilst he can but the impact on his life and that of his known family is enormous. They don’t seem to have given enough weight to that somehow.

There is a new series starting on Tuesday. Just hoping it’s as good as the others.

Thanks, will look out for that.

Here's your 10 minute warning. The new series starts shortly with, I think, the very unusual case that was reported in the news last week.

I haven’t quite finished Episode 1 but I didn’t realise it is a 2 parter. Do we have to wait a week for Episode 2?

I listened to all the new episodes on Sounds.

Thanks for that. Looks like that’s my commute listening sorted for this week

Crikey! Just listened to the one about the twins. Every story this series covers leaves me stunned at the shocks and upheavals these DNA tests are causing some people.

Sort of related as it's about DNA 🧬:

They're now using genealogy websites to match for remains of unidentified bodies

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/w3ct8hx5?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

Listened to most of these last night. I didn't listen to the twins one as had read the article. They were good but, I don't think, not quite as compelling as the previous series.