💥 Archers thread #119: Has the Bull reopened? Will Ambridge pull through? We’ve all dozed off and haven't a clue. Moan about the monologues here!

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points and most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you think we should have monologues all the time from now on, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please. We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3853783--The-Archers-spoilers-thread-5-Cant-wait-for-7-02pm-Join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

Thanks to PPE on the last thread for the title suggestion, which I tweaked a bit.

As for the current state of affairs: here's how it could have been done. www.youtube.com/channel/UCvRSVdfQWAjNhNu1AtABYjw Nigel Pargetter returns, albeit in spectral form. I loved these.

I don't love the current set up. Very, very hit and miss for me - but I am too much of an addict to give it up. Looking for a silver lining, maybe the rather clunky trot through the Aldridge family tree last night was helpful to newer listeners. It is rather convoluted. In 12.5 minutes they managed to explain that Adam and Debbie are Jennifer's children by different fathers, that Debbie's father Roger Travers-Macy adopted Adam, that after he and Jenny divorced she married Brian and that he (secretly) loves Adam and not nearly so secretly adores Debbie. I don't think they explicitly stated that Kate and Alice are Brian's children with Jenny, but they did manage to squeeze in a mention of Siobhan and Ruairi, and explain that Xander is Adam's son by a surrogate and has no genetic connection to either Brian or Xander's other father Ian. Phew!

If they made the (unlikely) decision to do something more realistic, Alice would continue drinking, if not while actually pregnant, probably soon after giving birth. Her child would grow up with a monumental amount of baggage.

I have a very low tolerance indeed for people who think non-drinkers are boring. Heavy drinkers are exceptionally tedious people to be around. Poor Chris.

Poor Alice. What a mess.

Where is the magic drinking shed of requirement? Is it in her garden or on Home Farm land?

I've got a horrible feeling she's going to pass out in there and be missing for a while.

Poor Chris. He obviously enjoys a drink and has been keeping her company for a while, but has realised its got out of hand. Up to now he may have thought he was drinking more than her if he hadn't realised she's been starting early and sneaking extra drinks in. Its worrying that she has stopped getting hangovers.

I have a very low tolerance indeed for people who think non-drinkers are boring. Heavy drinkers are exceptionally tedious people to be around Just so.

I’m enjoy the Alice descends into alcoholism because it feels like an actual storyline that’s been brewing for a while and I can see how it might come to a head during lockdown (especially when compared with some of the contrived drivel that has made up the rest of the monologues).

The shed is a new venture from the Ambridge Bedroom Fairy.

I’m really bemused by the shed. Alice was talking like she had never seen it before so it can’t be her own garden shed, surely?

So it’s a random shed somewhere on Home Farm land, close enough to Alice’s house for occasional vodka top-up visits, with someone’s stuff in it but unused? Okaaay..

Surely the shed would now belong to The Gills? However, if they're not in residence, I suppose Alice feels she's on safe ground taking it over. Is she proposing to use it as a place to store her stash of booze, or is she going to nip out there on weeknights to get the vodka for the tonic she's ostentatiously poured in front of Chris? Or both?

I thought the Gill's only own the Home Farm house.

Have I missed anything? I've been dutifully listening to Dum Tee Dum and the Pargetter Triptych but I've had a kitchen full most evenings when I'd normally listen to R4.

As far as storyline progression goes I just seem to noticed that:

• David is as dull as ever
• Susan has a dreadful radio show
• Tracey is cricket captain (do we know who looks after the cricket field?)
• The rewilders are delightfully silent (or did I manage to miss them?)
• Lizzie was very rude about the old maths tutor and is now on Tinder
• There is a new peacock at the Bull
• Alice has jacked in her job (yet another female character's career wrecked) and has a drink problem. She ropes Chris in, from time to time, and so he is being bad mouthed by the horsey world.
• Fallon is being really weird (she ought to have been really busy dashing backwards and forwards to the cash & carry to get yeast/flour/sugar for everybody) and delivering afternoon teas to the elderly and people with birthdays.
• Adam is so tired that he managed to rearrange his lower limbs under the Land Rover (gosh that must mean that he will have to parent in weeks to come).
• Emma has learned to drive a tractor(?)
• Helen is wafting around
• Lillian and Justin had a dreadfully dull piece about matching leisurewear

Debbie was lovely to hear (but we binge watched Friday Night Dinner at the start of lockdown and I realise she uses the same voice for every role she plays).

Johnnie lost a winning scratchcard. Harrison's 2yo niece Daisy found it. Harrison ended up with it and is giving the money to a good cause.
Harrison was nice to Fallon and she is pleased.
Harrison was alerted by Joy to the fiendish Tim Oatey, who has been flytipping all over the village, and he was arrested for threatening behaviour and probably also the flytipping. This gets Ed off the hook, as he was bothered by having to report Tim given Tim's threatening behaviour a while back. Ed compromised by reporting him anonymously on Crimestoppers.
Joy has been feeling lonely but Fallon decided to invite her round for tea, so Joy is probably feeling better now. Whether Fallon is has been left unremarked.
Emma is organising a virtual Flower and Produce show.
Tony found John's train set in the attic and wanted Johnnie to have it. Pat wanted Henry to have it. Johnnie eventually managed to explain he'd rather have the money towards a car and Tony has set up a train set in an outhouse (I think).

There's bound to be more. Nothing earthshattering, though.

Surely the shed would now belong to The Gills?

I admit I was only listening with half an ear so can't recall what she specifically said - but Home Farm is relatively extensive (close to 2000 acres before they started adding and subtracting and moving things around). And the Gills probably didn't get an enormous amount of land with the house, or we'd have heard from the locals employed to maintain it. I don't know if the shed Alice has chosen is the one Brian and Jenny are using to store excess furniture, etc from the house, or another one - but in my experience farms often do contain lots of random outbuildings, sheds, the odd caravan, abandoned 2CVs ...

Mike, I believe the Gills do just own the house and the Aldridges retain ownership of the land, but if the shed falls within the farm area Alice couldn't be sure it would be undisturbed.

(Yes, I do have something much more important I should be doing.)

@Madcats Alice didn’t quite jack in her job- she was hauled up for poor performance and jumped about 3 minutes before she was pushed- there was an episode where she fessed that up to Brian, although I don’t think she has ever told Chris.

The tearoom is in financial trouble; Bridge farm did reduce the rent but Helen says they have to put it back up and has sent in Natasha to do some tedious business consulting for Fallon.

And the best way for Helen to go from getting half a rent to getting no rent at all is to throw out her tenant. How likely is it that either she, Tom or Natasha could make a go of the tea-room, or that they would be able to get another tenant who will pay the full rent at this point?

I'm just sorry for Emma, who I suspect won't have her Tea Room job by tomorrow morning.

I almost feel sorry for the SW. I bet they groaned when they realised that Fallon's Tea Room Rocky Road (see what I did there) to Recovery story would be on the very week that Eat Out to Help Out commenced.

The contrast between Alice and Emma is interesting. Alice - born with a silver spoon in her mouth, a house gifted to her - chucking her career in because she loves the booze. Emma grafting, taking pride in her work and community - wanting to give something back.

As the above post shows, I am not at my most articulate at 2.20 in the morning 😀

I was too busy being furious at Natasha and Helen. Fallon and Emma are members of their community and old friends. To press Fallon like this using idiotic management mantras rather than sitting down to talk about it sensibly is insane. And I bet Bridge Fresh has done ok in lockdown.

I really don’t want Emma to lose her job.

I wonder if Helen knows what Natasha is advising? Isn’t Helen Emma’s friend?

Really hoping that the twist will be that Fallon realises it would be a mistake and refuses to follow the advice.

I wonder if Natasha is angling to take over control of the tea shop.

Natasha could bring in some illegal Asian ladies to run a a juice-n-nail-bar in the tea room, meanwhile the greenhouse could be turned into an organic wacky-baccy farm.

It would be good if Fallon and Emma decided to stick two fingers up to Bridge Farm and move the café plus upcycling business to Grange Farm.