Thread 99 (yes, 99!): Join us for spirited discussions of The Archers and its Top Blokes, whether you're Team Elizabeth (low spirits), Team Kate (Spiritual Home) or Team Toby (spirits =gin)

[Bittermints]

Thanks due to @PseudoBadger for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads and to @DadDadDad for being our resident statistician and keeping the ball rolling when Pseudo stepped back a bit. Thanks also to all those who contributed to the thread title.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points and most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you'd like to be Susan's best friend or other odd unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please. We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3439443-keep-it-to-yourself-the-archers-spoilers-thread-4, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

So, to business. What a fantastic two-hander. Massive BOOP points to Alison Dowling, the scriptwriter and director (and the therapist). I had more than a small tear in my eye listening to that.

I'm another one with a vote of thanks to chemenger for all that information on the last thread about distilling. I should know some of that because I went on a tour of the whisky distillery near where my parents live but I've forgotten most of it except how delicious the end product is.

I tried to craft a witty and insightful post about how much of a tit Tom is then decided not to bother as frankly he's not worth the attention.

Why don’t the script writers do research? You have to give 28 days notice to get married at a registry office Gov UK website.

They could have fixed it up a few weeks ago and only announced it now?

I suppose that's possible but didn't Pat say they'd gone to the register office 'to look at dates' and found there 'happened' to be a cancellation in a weeks' time (on Natasha's birthday) and it seemed 'the stars must be aligning'?

Dh and I got married in a register office and iirc it still had to be booked quite a way in advance.

Tom is SUCH an idiot

Not at all sanguine, useful information. We can get Tom and Natasha posted somewhere.

I just re-listened 🦗 and they could have been in there 2-3 weeks ago and got a cancellation and and still had 28 days to go before a week on Friday - it’s not phrased as ‘in a week’s time’

Also checked back the podcast summaries 🦗🦗 and Kirsty told Tom about the house on the 11th Feb at lunchtime, so not enough time for it to trigger a wedding on the 8th March and still leave 28 days.

If they did fix the wedding up three weeks ago, why on earth would they have kept quiet about it?

Did the SW not realise the waiting period went up from 15 days to 28 a few years ago? And the old "quicky" methods of getting married don't exist anymore - I don't think even C of E special license just lets you get married in a hurry any more.

Oh unless one of them is terminally ill www.haringey.gov.uk/births-death-and-marriages/marriages-and-civil-partnerships/urgent-marriages-and-civil-partnerships

Why are they doing this. We can't care about Natasha we have only met her 2 or 3 times. What is the point. Surely Tom is not going to be left at the altar.

Where are they going to live? I get the impression Natasha lives quite some way away, which wouldn't work with Tom's farming responsibilities, and if he's intending to move her into the house share, he doesn't appear to have mentioned it to Johnny or Hannah, who would have every right to object. If they're planning to move into one of the new houses (maybe Natasha has the money for a deposit,) they're not actually available to live in yet, are they? Though I can see the potential storyline if Kirsty and Philip end up being next-door neighbours to Tom and Natasha.

Plus he's done the new-build and leaving someone at the altar thing with Kirsty, and we don't need a repeat with him being on the receiving end.

Obviously he's been listening to us all going, "he's 37!" but this is not the way for him to grow up.

Just cheered myself up enormously by realising Freddie will be back soon.

thislido

Apologies again - I did report - perhaps the morning staff at Mumsnet HQ will oblige.

I'm with Motoko. Natasha's after the readies I reckon!

So Tom's marrying the cuckoo ooops. Has he heard the expression "marry in haste".........

Re Freddie: I know this is an incorrect thought to have, and I'm ashamed and hesitant to write it down - but I wonder if detention might be the making of him.

He left court lacking almost all the qualities a person might need to run and be the figurehead for a large and potentially politically controversial business. He was weak, easily lead, with no moral fibre and no idea of standing on his own feet. Is it possible he might return with a backbone? And a glint in his eye?

And the strength to take a firm line with Callmecantyouaskyourrichfamily?

Surely Tom is not going to be left at the altar.
Pleeeeease, karma, do it to him!

If karma doesn't oblige, where are they going to live? Maybe Pat'n'Tone will buy them that 10 acre field as a wedding present and they will put a house on it (don't tell Natasha about the previous self-build that never happened, though).

I think it's really out of character for Natasha. I could see her wanting a big wedding and being a bit of a bridezilla. I can't see her having a rushed register office job. Unless she's pregnant. But even so, it's not like we're in the seventies or something.

Quater He's had to grow up fast in the YOI, either he'll be more mature or regress when he gets home to mummy.

It's fairly cleat that Tom's marriage is doomed to disaster somewhere along the line. I suspect Natasha will be spending so much time travelling around the country and abroad promoting her business that Tom will go back to Hannah for consolation, with hell to pay when Natasha finds out.

Poor Pat'm'Tone, none of their children seem capable of having normal relationships. They must wonder where they went so badly wrong.

Will Freddie have to go to Lower Loxley when/if he comes out on licence? He might want not to be there with his overbearing sister ruling the roost, her sleazy lover hanging about, and his mother suffering clinical depression, all of which he presumably knows about. He might manage to be sent to some sort of rehabilitation centre or something, and say that he is doing it because with him there they won't get their alcohol licence back. (Why have they not got their alcohol licence back? It's ridiculous anyway: it wouldn't have been taken away at a weekend and before he'd even been sent for trial, and once he wasn't there there'd be no reason for it not to be returned. If a single instance of drugs not actually being sold on a premises loses that premises its licence I am amazed there's anywhere selling booze in the entire country.)

Oh, and is Russ sleeping in Freddie's room like he did when he first started to infest the premises? Or has Lily moved them into one of the grander spare rooms at Lower Loxley? There must be other rooms. Jill had a suite, Kenton had a room, Pip had a room, I never understood why Russ had to be given Freddie's room or why Elizabeth allowed it.

I did laugh out loud at Susan's slightly sultry 'Neil loves my chilli'. And I love her obvious delight at the Aldridges falling on hard times*.

As for Tom and Natasha getting married so soon, I can't even, as the kids say.

*Hard times my arse

It looks like we are being set up for Tom wanting Natasha to have a full hand in running Bridge Farm “because she’s my wife”. Yawn- a total rehash of Helen and Rob.

And are we meant to believe that’s Natasha’s fruit juice business (that is successful but not that old) is just going to run itself while she moves to Ambridge?
I’m sure that, initially, sh was portrayed as living quite far away and having to make special trips to come and advise, now she just seems to pop back and forth at Will.

Ha ha, will, nothing to do with Will. Though maybe Will could see her rooting around the woods for tree data, mistake her for a fox and accidentally shoot her?

Ha ha, will, nothing to do with Will.
That's it! It's time for Musical Houses.
The Grundys are being built up for a financial hardship story (plus ca change ...). They can move into No1 The Green, rent-free courtesy of Will who has had a personality change, and Tom'n'Tash can move into Grange Farm. Johnny can move back to and get his feet under the table at Bridge Farm. And Hannah ... who cares.

Tom and Natasha will end up divorced and she will run off with half Tom's share.

Speaking of LL accommodation I was decidedly a few days ago when the SW had Lily say that she and Russ had brought their own sheets with them. What kind of household was the SW imagining? LL has always employed a housekeeper (who I thought worked in the private section of the house) and must surely have rooms full of linen cupboards.

And yes, there must have been a million places other than Freddie's room to accommodate TheArtistFormally(sic)ToBeKnownAsScumbag.